Hello everyone,
Been dealing with some issues from a long time. Just recently came across this platform on forum to discuss various things about the preparation. So I'm sharing it with this hole that somebody might suggest something useful. I'm based at home doing cse prep. So have exhausted two attempts couldn't clear prelims this time was scoring around 85. Done with the syllabus too for the core subjects ,but didn't had a mains oriented approach so haven't done much answer writing and also haven't done my optional very well too.
But my problem isnt any of this. You see I came to this preparation about 2 years back because of my parents will but then I worked hard from my side too but I feel suffocated sometimes not just sometimes but quite a lot. Last year during covid when the libraries got shut I was in this huge depression...alone...nobody in my family to understand my problems...even suicidal...that was for 2-3 months basically that was a huge loss to me..for my prep. I came out of it through medications and other self help methods. Since then have tried to not fall back to that place. But every and then I start to slip in that zone especially when the results are not showing. I have quite a conservative family which won't let girls live outside home etc. I gave up a job after Btech and every now and then that decision bites me of what I have got myself into basically giving up the independence I could have had. Its this feeling of despair and suffocation that kills me sometimes especially when the journey seems neverending.
My apologies for sharing this rather negative post in here. This might feel like I'm overexaggerating things but I've been dealing with this since a long time and no matter how hard I try to just study and not think of the results...sometimes it becomes really overwhelming.
