Essay Test – May 6, 2017

in second paragraph u can mention social reform’s also hold an imp place to shape history…n 1 or two lil xmpl only whether frm foreign cntry or wd our own india’s specially from 18th century era….over all grt essay 🙂

xD

The forum wants to know 😛

Kindly review my essay and give me feedback. This is my first essay.

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when 2018 prelims mock test is going to start?

unable to read. Too much light + poor camera (i guess). i am frankly telling you 🙂

Thanks Buddy For The Elaborate and Critical Review.
Yes… You Are Right,I Have Some Issues Regarding Sentence Framing And Structuring Of The Essay…..!!!

Try not to go deep into thinkers in essay..They can be a passing mention but ideas shaping history can be explained from multiple perspectives like socially, culturally, economically etc..
Content and structure of the answer has lot of scope for improvement..

Excellent use of examples and very diverse dimensions are included…There might have been more dimensions like where ideas impacted the world history and how India got impacted and what are the consequences to it..

“Necessity is the mother of invention.” And behind every invention lies an idea, which changed the life of masses. Such idea affecting the mass population or accepted by the masses have contributed in shaping the history of the world.

Ideas can be due to need, necessity, out of curiosity or just to make something better. In the search of a better trade route, Vasco da Gama discovered a sea route to Asia,India via Cape of Good Hope. It was an idea, which changed the lives of the civilisation and so it left it’s mark in the history of the world.

The idea of using steam as power brought a revolution in the Industrialization. And the world could witness mass production. There was idea which brought social change and awakening of masses against exploitation. The idea of Karl Marx of an egalitarian society, where there is no class difference and the resources are shared equally by all. This concept of Marx fueled the worker class, it gave them the sense of togetherness and called for a mass movement where they can over-throw the ruling class. The same idea of Marx is traveling from history to the contemporary times and many Marxologists use the same idea as a basis to fight against the state to set up their own egalitarian society.

It started with an idea that led to the colonialisation of half of the world. The idea of trading with the east, which was full of natural resources. It was the idea of the Britishers or the English that they carried this concept of ‘white man’s burden’ and considered every other race inferior. They themselves took the responsibility of making the other race civilised and thus came other concepts like Racism, Apartheid, Slavery, black man etc.
The idea of wanting to become the super power in the world led to the discovery of deadly weapon or weapon of mass destruction like the Nuclear weapons. This idea led to the outbreak of the World War 1 and 2, which his the darkest era in the history of human civilisation. The imapact and effect are still seen in the people of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
An idea to prevent such a world war situation again and to maintain peace amongst the world communities, organisations like International League of Nations, United Nation came to life.

The world history has many such events which started with just an idea and became historical events. Similarly, there are many such historical events in Indian context which were mere ideas.

The idea of Buddha to leave his kingdom in search of enlightenment became the foundation of a religion-Buddhism. The same religion shaped the world then and still shaping the contemporary times. The idea of writing down the knowledge and learnings gave rise to written scripts and books like Vedas and Upanishadas. Using various forms of literature to express is the reason of rich Indian literature in form of short stories, plays, novels, poetry, drama, bimiograpghy, autobiography, paintings, dance etc. A small idea from the Greek culture revolutionised the Indian drama, which was introduction of the concept of curtains in the plays. This gave rise go multiple act plays with different stage settings. All of these have definitely shaped the history of India and Indian culture.
The idea of all religion should be equally respected and given importance made Akbar, the greatest Emperor of the medieval India and the Mughal Empire and the opposite thought of Aurangzeb led to the decaying of the Mughal Empire in India.
The idea and vision of Shivaji and the Marathas of one India and Swaraj made them the fierce and strongest power of the modern Indian History.
Similarly, the idea of Britishers which took shape as their policies to rule India like the Dual Government Policy, Subsidiary Alliance, Divide and Rule contributed to their strong establishment in India.
There were many movements against the Britishers like NCM etc but they weren’t successful. But when the idea of ‘Poorna Swaraj’ came, it united the entire country politically, socially, economically. This same idea over the period of time brought the feeling of Nationalism amongst the divided Indians and they fought unitedly against Britishers for the Independence of one nation-India.
The idea of a secular-democratic nation gave rise to the Constitution of India, where in we proudly say that we are the only country in the world which doesn’t have a state religion and hence our concept of secularism is unique.
The idea of making India self dependent, self-sufficient and self-employed gave way to the present government policies like Make-in-India, Start up India, Skill India, Stand up India.
The idea to include everyone in the financial and economic development of the nation, gave rise to the JAM trinity. Also, demonetisation became the idea to make people switch from cash economy to cashless economy. It is worthy noting that such ideas are shaping the political and economic history of the country as well and taking the nation on the path of great success.

The idea of an affordable satellite to the Mars and Moon is the reason behind the successful Mangalyaan and Chandrayaan projects of India. With the idea of spreading peace, cooperation and harmony amongst the neighbouring countries and to become a strong power in the South Asia, India has launched the South Asia satellite as a good will and aupporting gesture.

Ideas have not just been the reason for the development of the masses but at times have been the reasons for the destruction of the mankind and we have enough historical evidences to support this argument. The same idea when used constructively has been affected and accepted by the masses and led to advances in the social, cultural, philosophical, scientific, poltical history. These ideas have changes the course of history of the world as well as of India.

thanks for the critical review along with no.
awesome.

Very good ideas. 125+ easily.
It could have gone 140+ with some refinement. For instance in that newton paragraph u should have introduced the theme of renaissance where idea of rationality … later leading to industrialisation and exploration …these r ideas shaping the course of histry since this later led to capitalism and colonialism…. then u should have connected it to socialism , communism and world war as counter ideas that got transformed into war….

For some reason i feel UBI doesnt fit here… u should have taken some historic aspect only.

Ideas and people…. i disagree.. ideas of few people changed the course of history in the world. Ex:ashoka and dhamma, hitler and nazism , nehru and NAM or democratic socialism

Great content. Very Nicely written.

Suggestions:
1. In the beginning elaborate more about the flaws in the present system. Lack of transparency in funding has led to increase in money and muscle power in politics, criminalization of politics, and has distorted the competitive field because many honest and well wishing candidates can’t contest elections lacking adequate financial resources. This also gives rise to corruption post election, as elected candidates wish to recover the money spent on elections, especially in allotment of government contracts or appointments/transfers in Govt jobs etc. Influence of corporate world on politics can also be mentioned

2. To the extent possible write in third person, avoid using You and I in an essay. You have used it in the “How will it work section.”

3. You have used the word ‘vying’ under the electoral bond introduction section. The word vying is used in context of competition, like two athletes competing/vying for a top rank. So not a proper word to use here, just write person intends or wants to donate money.
It may seem like I’m nitpicking but these small things matter in an essay, though examiners ignore it in GS. Use of proper words does create a positive impression, and may be the difference between a score of 125 or 140+.

Excellent Work.I Thoroughly Enjoyed Your Essay While Reading From Start To Finish…..!!!

In Full Swing Sir;Leaving No Stone Unturned.
And I Am Hoping To Be Back On “MAINS MARATHON” After Prelims…..!!!

IDEAS SHAPE THE COURSE OF HISTORY

While flipping through the pages of history, one can clearly observe that ideas have shaped the course of history. From the idea of the wheel to the idea of the internet, the human has observed a history of six million years. In this course, ideas were individual as well as collective in nature. But the common feature of these ideas was that they were unique and were public accepted. Sometimes, this public acceptance was not easy as in the case of Galileo Galilei. Thus, for the ideas to shape the course of history, there is a need of an open mind and a tolerant society.

Though the ideas by themselves are intellectual abstractions, they become powerful agents to shape the course of history when ideas inspire people to action. Newton’s theory of gravitation was the first demonstration that maths could be used to understand the natural world. Then, Albert Einstein predicted the gravitational waves. Recently, scientists have announced the discovery of gravitational waves. Thus, the individuals with the discovery or creation of particular ideas — such as Isaac Newton and gravity — can create history but those ideas can shape bigger history through the cumulative and collective actions of others.

On the other hand, ideas can also be a source of difference, because they can encourage people to draw distinctions between themselves and others who have different ideas. For example, important ideological differences separated the USA and USSR, especially during the post-World War II years, when the USA focused on spreading democracy across the globe. This goal conflicted drastically with the Russian revolutionaries’ original desire to overthrow capitalism. Having been invaded by Germany twice, Soviet leaders also wanted to restructure Europe so that a buffer existed between the Germans and the Soviet border. Both the USA and the USSR believed that their respective survival was at stake, and each was, therefore, prepared to take any steps to win, which started the cold war. Indeed, the conflict of ideas can also shape the history. During the cold war, India also gave the world the idea of non-alignment.

Generally, ideas are products of particular times or places or specific historical and cultural contexts. At the same time, ideas are not limited by these historical and cultural boundaries. Instead, ideas are frequently transmitted widely over time and space, where it again forms the history. For example, Mahatma Gandhi used non-violent methods to oust the British from India. In South Africa, Nelson Mandela began acting along the lines of Gandhi at the beginning of his career but used violent methods after he concluded that non-violence yielded no results. Ultimately, he adopted non-violent methods following his release from prison and the rest is history.

The people who transmit ideas are those who use them as tools for analysis or for action. Frequently, these are people who move between cultural boundaries themselves, including scholars, rebels, travellers, sailors, pilgrims, and journalists. Those who promote new ideas may not accept ideas in their entirety, but rather tend to selectively adopt or reject certain aspects that fit their own political, social, or cultural circumstances. In this way, ideas of all kinds are refracted through the lenses of specific cultures. However, these altered and adapted ideas can still be powerful agents of change, whether they advocate the creation of a new world or urge a revival of past ideals. The secularism in India is a case in point. The origin of secularism can be traced to the western world view, which envisions separation of religion and state. Though the term ‘secular’, has not been defined in the Constitution of India but a series of articles in the Constitution shows that the constitutional forefathers adopted a variant of western secularism, analysing the reality of India and that means equal treatment of all religions by the state. Maybe that’s why India is the only secular country among her neighbours.

If ideas do not evolve or adapt then also history can be shaped. India was one of the richest nations in the world in the medieval ages i.e. 16th and 17th centuries. Then Akbar rejected the Guttenberg press. Jahangir rejected the water lift. Indian mariners took little interest in adopting the compass and other marine discoveries of the world from the Europeans. The result – India experienced the colonial history for almost 200 years. Moreover, India’s Mars mission – Mangalyaan – was criticised by some. Questions were raised – can a country as poor as India afford to indulge in such scientific ‘extravaganza’? Wouldn’t this money be better spent on reducing poverty, providing drinking water, sanitation etc.? But if history is any lesson, Mangalyaan was every inch worth it as India is the only country in the world to successfully conduct a Mars mission on its very first attempt.

For an idea to change the history may also need a great deal of debate or discussion. For example, though many advocated the concept of Universal Basic Income (UBI) as an alternative to the various social welfare schemes in an effort to reduce poverty in India, the Economic Survey 2016-17 says that the Universal Basic Income (UBI) is a powerful idea whose time even if not ripe for implementation, is ripe for serious discussion. Until that day, poverty is a reality of India rather than history.

It is evident that ideas only become history when these are accepted largely by people. There is also need of the freedom to express new ideas. Hence, for an idea to shape the course history has to be expressed as well as accepted freely. For this, the person should have the confidence on his idea till then he should remember the lines of Rabindranath Tagore: “if they answer not to your call walk alone”.

it seems incomplete
You missed
1. Scientific ideas that shaped the history.
2. Religious ideas

How is Prelims Preparation going on both of you?

Content is very good. But improve the presentation so that the entire content will become a neat essay. Use linkers to connect the paragraphs rather than dividing them by many side headings.

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