Woke up at 4:30
5:00-8:00 ->Optional (Theft, State Responsibility)
8:00-8:15->Heartfulness Meditation
8:15 - 9:00 ->Breakfast, flipped through the newspaper
9:00 - 12:30 ->Optional (Extortion, Robbery, Dacoity)
12:30- 13:45->Made and ate lunch
13:45- 14:30 ->Played the ukulele
14:30- 15:15 ->On the phone
15:15- 18:00 ->Read Rau's IAS Focus magazine, and revised some notes on PSB privatisation
18:00- 18:30 ->Had black coffee, chilled with parents
Ideally, the rest of the day will be:
19:00- 19:30 ->Run
19:30- 19:45->Bath
20:00- 21:15 ->Optional (Start with Defamation)
21:15- Sleep ->Reading (Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson)
PS: I have law optional. I didnt actually steal or rob anyone. :P
Woke up at 4:30 a.m
Freshened up, made black coffee and sat down to study at 5:00 am
5:00-8:00 a.m - Optional (Defamation), Bit of Current Affairs
8:00-8:15- Meditation
8:15-9:00- Heavy breakfast, flipping through the news
9:00-12:00- Made notes on few topics (Floods, Kargil War, IR)
12:10-12:30- Played the ukulele (Learning the song "Here comes the sun" by the Beatles. You'll know who I am when Amitabh Bacchan shares my videos. :P)
12:30-13:00- Video Call
13:00- 15:30- Revised History from Sonali Bansal
15:30- 16:00- Played the ukulele
16:00-17:00- Made Keto brownies
17:00- 17:20- Admired my keto brownies
17:20-17:40- Ate the keto brownies, texted friends
Hopefully, the rest of the day will be like:
18:00-19:30- Workout plus bath (Maybe Coffee)
19:30- 21:00- Revise Optional notes from yesterday
21:00-21:30- Phone call
21:30- Sleep- Reading (Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson)
I told you I was super proud :PWoke up at 4:30.
5:00- 7:20->Optional (Cheating, Receipt of Stolen Property, some revision)
Cut short my study session (supposedly till 8 am) because it was raining and my balcony looked like this->
7:20-8:45 ->Practiced the song "Ocean" by Anuv Jain on the ukulele while it poured.
8:45-9:00->Meditation
9:00-10:00->Video called my love and sang her the song/ conversations about life
10:00- 12:30->Had a heavy meal, read a few articles on livelaw, indconlawphil, and then started reading a book called "Meaning of Life and Death"
12:30-14:00->Slept. Oh so peacefully.
14:30- 17:00->Read a bit of optional. Got distracted quite often. I blame the weather. Spoke to my optional coaching peeps.
17:00- 18:00->Lay down next to Amma and laughed about life.
18:00- now->Black Coffee and its still raining.
Plan on finishing up my optional quota for the day. Then, I'll maybe read a few articles on the internet and sleep. Will try and study more tomorrow.
Review: Probably not the most productive of days in terms of study, but boy, what a joy it is to be alive. :)
This is my first post on this thread .Woke up at 9 :30 .9:30 to 11 - bath and made breakfast .11 to 1 - watched a few orf videos on multilateralism etc and Caspian report video on water monopoly of China. Made notes1 to 1:30- twitter and telegram p bakar.1:30 to 2 - music and coffee.2 to 4:00- read Andrew heywood global politics few chapters.Slept for half an hour or maybe 45 mins.4:30 to 6:30- wrote a few ethics answers and summarised how democracies die by steven Levitsky. A very interesting read imo.6 to 7 :00 - watched two and half menplan for rest of the evening -newspaper - 8 to 9 .Then dinner and rest .Around 10 - Will read Andrew heywood again for a few hours and make notes out of few chapters .revise and memorise modern history notes .
Sleep around 2:30 .
How Democracies Die is a really nice read! It's a bit too US centric though, isn't it? However, some points like majoritarianism, lack of credible opposition, erosion of institutional values, erosion of democratic values are directly applicable in India today.
Past 3 days including today were not very productive. It was difficult to focus on studies due to some reasons.
Tomorrow i will do a dopamine detoxification of brain. Will not do any activity which gives me pleasure.
Thingsi am not going todo till prelims-
- Watch any movie
- search about bikes
- play my guitar (Will not even look at it since it eats up atleast 2-3 hours)
- spend time on social media
- any other brain destructing acivity
Thingsi will dotill prelims and even after that
- Meditation
- Exercise
- 11-12 hours of study everyday
- Good sleep
- Healthy food
- Revision (most important)
Go easy on yourself bro! You're good. :)
@upsc2020 Its much bigger. But definitely much much more readable and comprehensive.
Thanks. Shall pick it. My spectrum is no longer readable.
The book can be downloaded from the website "b-ok.cc" if you want to check out the pdf before getting the hard copy. :)
@TimeIsPrecious @eternal_sapien @HUMBLEF00L (vo mind blowing hour to hour stuff)@Patootie (value of life)@Tsar_Bomba
^Old family members of this thread. Miss you guys.
Tag if I missed someone.
That's sweet! Sorry I went AWOL on the thread, had a great last few days with my studies.
Today morning:
Woke up at 4:30
5a.m to 8 a.m: Did Optional, made a one pager and indexed it. (S.34, 149 IPC, Murder v. Culpable Homicide) Revised notes on E-waste, Extended Producer Responsibility and indexed them in my GS-3 file. Also did a small NCERT history test of iLearn IAS in 40 mins.(146/200)
8a.m-9:30- Meditated, Made myself a heavy keto Breakfast, chilled with fam, played with my niece.
In five minutes- Will report to the girlfriend.
10 am onwards- Marathon session interspaced with short breaks till I feel good about the day I spent!
Woke up late today after a long time. Woke up at 7:30 as I slept at around 1:15.
That said, had a productive day yesterday!
Did my second sectional test for my optional and it went quite okay. Need to build writing speed and cleanliness so that my paper does not look like war ravaged Sudan.
Today: Meditating in a bit, making myself my heavy breakfast, and sitting down to study long hours latest by 9 am.
Targets:
Till 6 pm: Prelims test (FLT 15- Raus), current affairs based study and revision, making notes from mains perspective. Cumulative breaks of up to 90 minutes between this as per need.
6:30- 9:30 pm - Optional portions for the day (General Defences) + notes
Sleep by 10
8:00-11:00 insights mock revision
12:00-4:00 polity
5:00-8:00 Polity
9:00-11:00 CA
can someone share till what month/time is relevant for Prelims 2020?
In my view, study issue based, not just the monthly magazines. There's less return on investment if you just keep reading the monthly magazines. Little to no direct questions are asked. Must diversify sources.
Woke up at 4:00 a.m
4:30-8:15 - Optional and Answer Writing (A. 246- 260, Constitution of India)
Remaining Targets:
1. Bhakti Movement
2. Sufi Movement
3. Philosophy
4. Focus magazine (July)
5. Economics (FRBM Act, Banking Sector)
6. Test key and Revision
Maximum Time allotted:
For 1, 2 and 3->180 minutes
For 4 and 5 ->240 minutes
For 6->180 minutes
Hello everyone
I hope your preparation is going on well.
Previous day :
- Geography climatology section covered
- Economics and Current affair too
- While reading History, I was distracted a bit. So did not do it at all.
- First round of Assessment part was okay there were few mistakes. Reassessment was skipped it was already time to sleep.
Day 2:
- Backlog of Day 1 : which I have partially covered (done)
- February 2020 and November 2019 keywords and link
- Revision ( done)
- Geography geomorphology and india part
- Economics adding more few chapters to already added static (done)
- Assessment reassessment part
So next three days also I intend to follow the same pattern. Shuffling between geography and economics. Then the current affair part and a bit of history.
About hours :
- 6:2:4:6::Reading:Revision:family:sleep.
- 3:2:1::Evaluation and reading :Me time: sleep
Since the Covid time everyone is at home. So I introduced my mumma to South Indian cinema and she binge watch it. And I curate few movies see through its wikipedia page to match her liking. And for my dad he thinks I am photographer he loves being clicked. Even though I am not good at clicking pictures but he make sure he makes those amateur photos as his dp.so I do level up my angle light and focus issues of camera. I think he does trust me on that.
So dodging sarcasm banter saving my mental peace territory strategically I spend my day. It's always a good break for me to see them happy. As me doing what I need to do and them being engaged in things they always wanted to try. So this works for me.
Thank you for sharing this. Felt so good reading it. :)
To be in your bubble and not let unnecessary noise affect you takes an insane amount of courage. Good on you. :)
P.S: If your mom has grown fond of South Indian movies, do try getting her to watch the movie Thanmaathra. (Mohanlal, Meera Vasudev) It's mostly about a father-son relationship and an IAS dream. Available on Hotstar.
Woke up at 4:00
4:30-8:00 ->Optional (PYQ Analysis and revision- A.98-105, Delegated Legislation)
8:00-9:00 ->Brekky, got a haircut done and cruelly held my baby niece during a haircut she just did not want
9:00- 1:45 ->Econ (Prelims and Mains oriented notes, Revised parts of my GS3 File, some indexing and general housekeeping with my notes)
1:45- 2:30/3:00->Chilling. Must play ukulele. Must report to girlfriend. Skipping lunch coz heavy breakfast.
2:30- 6:15, 6:30 ->Mock + Analysis
6:30- 7:30->Must pick up dumbbells (Note to potato)
7:30- 9:30 ->Sunday Dinner with extended family (mmm)
9:30-10:30->Look at my maps file and reflect on how dumb I am.
10:30-11:00->Cry myself to sleep.
Woke up at 4.
4:30-9:30 ->Optional Revision with PYQ (A. 308-324, Constitution
Also did Mapping (National Parks , NE India)
Started with mock test revision (Rau's FLT 13)
9:30-10:30 ->Brekky
10:30- 3:30 ->Remaining mock revision, Focus magazine
3:30-5:00 ->Meet girlfriend
5:30- 10:00/ 10:30 ->Economics concepts revision videos, Constitutional History under British. If time permits, Peasant/Tribal revolts
Woke up at 4.
4:30-9:30 ->Optional Revision with PYQ (A. 308-324, Constitution
Also did Mapping (National Parks , NE India)
Started with mock test revision (Rau's FLT 13)
9:30-10:30 ->Brekky
10:30- 3:30 ->Remaining mock revision, Focus magazine
3:30-5:00 ->Meet girlfriend
5:30- 10:00/ 10:30 ->Economics concepts revision videos, Constitutional History under British. If time permits, Peasant/Tribal revolts
Hey did you subscribe to raus test series? Or the tests available somewhere for free? I tried looking but FLT were not available.
I had subscribed for it.
4:30- 7:45 ->History Revision (Zamindari/Ryotwari/Mahalwari, Economic policy of Brits, Peasant and Tribal Revolts)
7:45 - 8:00 ->Meditate
8:00- 8:30 ->Practice chords to 500 Miles on the ukulele
8:30 - 12:30 ->Practice MCQs, Revise select questions from previous mocks.
12:30- 13:30->Lunch, play with the niece
13:30- 15:30 ->Economic Survey revision
15:30- 16:00 ->Report to the girlfriend
16:00 - 18:30 ->Geography (Earthquakes/Cyclones/Wind Patterns)
18:30- 19:30 ->Coffee/ Chilling with fam
19:30- 21:00 ->Whatever I feel like reading at the time irrespective of a direct/remote connection with the syllabus
Sleep by 21:30 ideally.
Trying to sneak in 5-10 minute exercise sets every 3 hours within the above framework.
By any chance do you remember whether the "bubbles" on the OMR sheet are circular or elliptical?
I've failed prelims enough times to know this, but oddly enough, I don't. :P
4:30-8:30 ->Did some Modern History/ Revised Vijayanagara/ Did basics of Nuclear Energy /Meditation/ Workout mini session 1
8:30- 9:30 ->Had an amazing breakfast courtesy Amma, just lying down with my satiated belly popping out in all its glory. It's raining too
9:30- 1:30 ->Doing Science an Tech/ Economy from Rau's Focus magazine
1:30-2:30 ->Workout mini session 2, Call my lou, Strum the ukulele if I get time.
2:30- 6:30 ->Geography (MAPS MAPS MAPS!! If I can, oceanography theory) Maybe get in an hour of sleep.
6:30- 7:30->Coffee time with the fam. Or get hot coffee poured over me by the 2 year old niece. One of the two.
7:30-9:00 ->Gyan time. (Any of Livelaw/Indconlawphil/Transformative Constitution)
Sleep by 9:30- 10:00. Will try and practice 500 miles on the Ukulele as well.
11:00-1:00 Money and banking Didn’t do2:00-5:00 Money and bankinG6:00-8:00 CA9:00-11:00 EthicsSlept at 4 am yesterday. Giddy all day. No time to waste, IES from the 16th. Also, if anyone could tell if dipin sir’s class or mains 365 classes. Which will be better for mains?Ahaha! Did nothing today. But did buy myself the hanbang skincare.
Mate, it was one day after pre!!
You are so intense it low key scares me, ngl. :P Anyways, all the best! You're surely going places with that attitude. It's great (albeit scary) to see. :D
But I must ask. Do you even chill bruh? :P
Same :( I think going forward it would be good to maintain notes on a selected few current affairs topics that can be updated from newspapers.
Do check out Rau's DNS videos on YouTube. I find the quality excellent generally. It saves an awful lot of time as well. They've uploaded a list of all issues from the Hindu for the past 2 years, along with their video explainers of those issues. This is not only quite exhaustive, but it helps in gathering a conceptual understanding. I supplement this with research on facts/figures/value additions plus relevant gapfillers.
When I feel my notes are insufficient, the DNS videos and Indian Express articles are my go-to source for current affairs. Did not do PT 365. This approach worked for me immensely in PT. Thought I should share. :)
Thank you so much!! I could only find the daily The Hindu news analysis videos on their YouTube though - are there separate topic-based ones?
List of Articles - DNS, May 2019- Aug 2020.pdf
DNS LINK January 2018 to May 2019.pdf
Right, so this is the index of all the articles that have been discussed from Jan 2018 onwards till Prelims 2020. I think this is possibly one of the most comprehensive indices of all relevant current affairs issues, simply because it comes from the average newspaper. They've included links to all their videos as well, article-wise. PDF links to their daily notes are also available on Youtube. The notes are usually of a good quality, but I don't recommend reading all of it, simply because the point behind this is maximising efficiency, and making best use of time. However, where necessary, snippets from the PDFs can be added on to your notes.
You'll need to do a bit of digging from within the index (as in, if you want to holistically do issues about River Ganga, Ctrl+F "Ganga") and identify the topics you would choose to do. You would also need to be proactive in adding points not discussed to add value to your answer. But I think, if one can do that, and effectively prepare the important ones, preparation would be more holistic rather than doing them straight from a Mains 365.
Pro-tips:Watch the videos at 1.5-2.0 x speed depending on necessity. Go from October, 2020 backwards.
Thank you so much!! I could only find the daily The Hindu news analysis videos on their YouTube though - are there separate topic-based ones?
Right, so this is the index of all the articles that have been discussed from Jan 2018 onwards till Prelims 2020. I think this is possibly one of the most comprehensive indices of all relevant current affairs issues, simply because it comes from the average newspaper. They've included links to all their videos as well, article-wise. PDF links to their daily notes are also available on Youtube. The notes are usually of a good quality, but I don't recommend reading all of it, simply because the point behind this is maximising efficiency, and making best use of time. However, where necessary, snippets from the PDFs can be added on to your notes.
You'll need to do a bit of digging from within the index, and identify the topics you would choose to do. You would also need to be proactive in adding points not discussed to add value to your answer. But I think, if one can do that, and effectively prepare the important ones, preparation would be more holistic rather than doing them straight from a Mains 365.
Pro-tip:Watch the videos at 1.5-2.0 x speed depending on necessity.
@Patootie Man you are a Gem.
Thank you for helping us.
By your motivational posts, Mains strategy (your bunch of thoughts), and this current affairs thing.
Lots of best wishes for your mains exam from my side. :)
Such a lovely thing to say! Wishing you the best as well, my friend! :)
Thank you so much!! I could only find the daily The Hindu news analysis videos on their YouTube though - are there separate topic-based ones?
Right, so this is the index of all the articles that have been discussed from Jan 2018 onwards till Prelims 2020. I think this is possibly one of the most comprehensive indices of all relevant current affairs issues, simply because it comes from the average newspaper. They've included links to all their videos as well, article-wise. PDF links to their daily notes are also available on Youtube. The notes are usually of a good quality, but I don't recommend reading all of it, simply because the point behind this is maximising efficiency, and making best use of time. However, where necessary, snippets from the PDFs can be added on to your notes.
You'll need to do a bit of digging from within the index (as in, if you want to holistically do issues about River Ganga, Ctrl+F "Ganga") and identify the topics you would choose to do. You would also need to be proactive in adding points not discussed to add value to your answer. But I think, if one can do that, and effectively prepare the important ones, preparation would be more holistic rather than doing them straight from a Mains 365.
Pro-tips:Watch the videos at 1.5-2.0 x speed depending on necessity. Go from October, 2020 backwards.
What. A. Goldmine. THANK YOU. You’re the bestest.
As a token of thanks,
Real Mango Bite has my love. Kaccha Mango bite can SMD. :P
did u make any notes out of it ?
after watching its daily anylasis ?
I haven't made notes daily, but right now, I'm trying to consolidate my notes into simple one pagers or making one pagers where my notes are incomplete.
How I use these PDFs is:
I search for say "Ganga" in the 2020 PDF. Majorly, the issues returned on Ctrl+F will relate to Namami Gange program, National Ganga council, E-flow norms in River Ganga etc, Causes of Pollution in River Ganga both in upper reaches and lower reaches etc. Same thing with say, "Data." A simple search command of "data" would return results relating to Personal data (Srikrishna Committee), Non personal data (Gopalkrishnan committee), data sovereignty, data privacy, data harvesting by private sector, data security, data based policy etc. A comprehensive understanding would enable hitting the question from different dimensions is the basic idea.
I go through the headlines to know the different dimensions of the same issue. Then, I watch the videoswhere necessary.The same issue often recurs and is dealt with more than once. Where it has been recurring more frequently in news, I feel those issues are more important. So, I prioritise those.
I think it is one of the best free sources for current affairs, and they work for me like current affairs classes might work for somebody else. Whether it will translate into results is to be seen. :)
13/10/2020 :87 days to mains
1.Wind up Population and Settlement geography.
2. Take part in 1st world war.
3. Revise the burgeoning mountain of content covered in the past 5 days ( the struggle is real)
4. Do not Eat junk. and hence do not fall asleep on the library table.
Cheers Maiiiiteeees !
Good luck mate!
Still in post-prelims inertia, unable to start anything. Had set a schedule since 13th but unable to keep up with sheer volume of work to be done. Don’t know how you guys are managing. Posting my first schedule today:
world history notes- 3 hrs
post independence consolidation- 3hrs
awfg- 1 hr
lets hope things pan out well today. Hoping to get much needed momentum going.
my question to you guys is how you’re keeping yourself self motivated and avoiding procrastination during the day. Thanks
Don't get overwhelmed by the amount of work. Just do things one by one, but maintain the overall balance of syllabus portions. First para me sheer vol of work likha hai aur last para me procrastination ka zikr hai. They are self contradictory, nahi?. Stress me lagte ho.
One one item of syllabus coming, stress going. Next point of syll coming, further stress going. Simple hai yar. :)
joy and enthusiasm amongst the combatants at all time is a strong indication of victorious side.
P.s. ye joy vali baat vaise toh mahabharat me bhishma yudhishthir ko kehte hai, lekin maine whatsapp pe padhi thi. 😋😁
Thanks man. Actually what you point out as self-contradictory is exactly how the mind of a master procrastinator works. There’s a whole ted talk about it on YouTube. But I get what you mean, doing things one step at a time and like@whatonly mentioned, breaking stuff up into it’s fundamentals and trying to accomplish as much as is possible, is the only solution to keep moving ahead and dismantling the inertia.
Is it the one with the instant self-gratification monkey?
The best! The best! :D
Was on a sabbatical from Forum. Realised I needed Forum.
7:00- 8:00 ->Cycling Done
8:00- 9:00 ->Breakfast/DNS/Bath
9:00-1:00 ->International Law 2 units
1:00-2:00 ->Chill/ Call my lou/ Maybe fiddle with the ukulele
2:00- 4:00 ->Torts 2 units
4:30-6:00 ->Geography
6:30- 9:00 ->15 geography answers
Post 9- Definitely fiddle with the ukulele/ Goodnight call/ Chill with Amma for 15 at least/ Sleep early
@HotBloodPrince Brother Raus compass economy material is good for economy?
Top class. Only economy. Baki kachra hai jo ab tk aya hai.
Supplement with Basava Uppin's DNS videos on economy. Top notch.
A note to self
It's all coming back to me. This constant gnawing feeling that time is running out. Fact is that it is. I've been so anxious the past few weeks that I've been unable to get the best out of my day. Every time, I tell myself that maybe a break would sort it out. I take the break; still, it comes back to me. The only way seems to me to actually chew it up and spit it out.
I have so much left to do. I wish there were a way that one could just make a plan, stick to it, and see the whole thing through. There may be some who do it, and to them, I take my hat off. It's simply not my cup of tea. I've tried and I've failed a great number of times, just over the past month alone. The enormity of it all is mind-boggling and quite simply, overwhelming. I don't think I have been more stressed in my entire life.
If the past few years have taught me anything at all, it is that stress brings out the worst in me. I get nothing done, and I'm so fucking snappy. I've been easy going and a chiller my entire life. This part of my life calls for discipline that I can't seem to find. Even on the days that I find that discipline, I mostly end up finishing too little, comparing with what is left for me to do. Every day, there is renewed energy, but most nights, there's terrible anxiety.
I need to find a way to be calm. The only way that I can seem to do that right now is to allow for the possibility that it might not happen for me. I need to let go of the feeling that I am much closer to my goal. The closer I think I am, the more anxious I get about the result. I need to let it be. I need to remember that this is all not purely within my control. I need to be authentic. The only thing that I can do is to maximise my chances. The first thing I need to do towards that end is to find my lost confidence. I need to stomach the fact that my preparation will be far from perfect. Yet, I must prime myself for giving my best shot on the day. It's a funny little game, this.
Maximising my chances right now can only be done through shortcuts. It is clear as day to me. Be it in my optional or in GS, that is the only option that is open to me to even make a fight of it. Hence, I must take them. Shortcuts have served me well in my life. I think they are underrated. 250 or 150 words is all I need. Nothing less, nothing more. This is when the tables will turn. Whether I am able to see these 51 days through and keep my head about me will determine whether I am successful.
I need to keep faith, not in my reading or my preparation, but in myself. This is what gives me my best chance. There is simply no magic pill that works for me. Not hard work. Not smart work. Definitely not the beautiful strategy I penned down on a thread here when I was still naive.
The only time I was successful was when I was calm. So, maybe that is what I must bank on. Whatever it may be, I will face it. The only thing I can do now is to cover the gaping holes that I have in my preparation. My efforts will be towards that end because that is simply the only thing in my control. This is an exam that a person who does not have the same resources and privileges as me should be, and have cleared in the past. I've been making a mountain out of a reasonably large hill. I need to direct my efforts towards climbing that hill, not the mountain I've built up inside my head.
It's definitely daunting, but my head has been making it a hundred thousand times more daunting than it is. The time is ripe for simplification level Patootie. Break that shit down to manageable pieces. Do no more than that. If they are unmanageable pieces, do the manageable bits. If there are no manageable bits, it is by definition unmanageable.
So, here's the last plan that Imma make. It's the plan that I've always followed. The one where there is no plan. No schedule. No daily targets. Just execution. My exam is on January 8. Not the mock on Sunday. I know the parts where I'm weak, and I know the parts where I'm strong. It's only about putting my best foot forward on the day.
Cut the noise out. The noise inside my head, the noise from the mentor, the noise from the mock test feedback. Sometimes it gets too much that I feel like I can't hear the calming inner voice that is Patootie. I need to cut all of that out. That bubble is what I'm looking for again. It's a fookin utopia where everything is good. No matter what happens on the outside, everything is good inside Patootie's bubble.
I may not be able to make the exam work, but I'll find my peace again. That, to me, is the most important thing. If I can find that peace again, I feel life will be good. Life has to be good.
What if I fall? I'll get up, dust myself off and find myself another way.
But what if I fly? That's gonna be a whole new story altogether.
A note to self
It's all coming back to me. This constant gnawing feeling that time is running out. Fact is that it is. I've been so anxious the past few weeks that I've been unable to get the best out of my day. Every time, I tell myself that maybe a break would sort it out. I take the break; still, it comes back to me. The only way seems to me to actually chew it up and spit it out.
I have so much left to do. I wish there were a way that one could just make a plan, stick to it, and see the whole thing through. There may be some who do it, and to them, I take my hat off. It's simply not my cup of tea. I've tried and I've failed a great number of times, just over the past month alone. The enormity of it all is mind-boggling and quite simply, overwhelming. I don't think I have been more stressed in my entire life.
If the past few years have taught me anything at all, it is that stress brings out the worst in me. I get nothing done, and I'm so fucking snappy. I've been easy going and a chiller my entire life. This part of my life calls for discipline that I can't seem to find. Even on the days that I find that discipline, I mostly end up finishing too little, comparing with what is left for me to do. Every day, there is renewed energy, but most nights, there's terrible anxiety.
I need to find a way to be calm. The only way that I can seem to do that right now is to allow for the possibility that it might not happen for me. I need to let go of the feeling that I am much closer to my goal. The closer I think I am, the more anxious I get about the result. I need to let it be. I need to remember that this is all not purely within my control. I need to be authentic. The only thing that I can do is to maximise my chances. The first thing I need to do towards that end is to find my lost confidence. I need to stomach the fact that my preparation will be far from perfect. Yet, I must prime myself for giving my best shot on the day. It's a funny little game, this.
Maximising my chances right now can only be done through shortcuts. It is clear as day to me. Be it in my optional or in GS, that is the only option that is open to me to even make a fight of it. Hence, I must take them. Shortcuts have served me well in my life. I think they are underrated. 250 or 150 words is all I need. Nothing less, nothing more. This is when the tables will turn. Whether I am able to see these 51 days through and keep my head about me will determine whether I am successful.
I need to keep faith, not in my reading or my preparation, but in myself. This is what gives me my best chance. There is simply no magic pill that works for me. Not hard work. Not smart work. Definitely not the beautiful strategy I penned down on a thread here when I was still naive.
The only time I was successful was when I was calm. So, maybe that is what I must bank on. Whatever it may be, I will face it. The only thing I can do now is to cover the gaping holes that I have in my preparation. My efforts will be towards that end because that is simply the only thing in my control. This is an exam that a person who does not have the same resources and privileges as me should be, and have cleared in the past. I've been making a mountain out of a reasonably large hill. I need to direct my efforts towards climbing that hill, not the mountain I've built up inside my head.
It's definitely daunting, but my head has been making it a hundred thousand times more daunting than it is. The time is ripe for simplification level Patootie. Break that shit down to manageable pieces. Do no more than that. If they are unmanageable pieces, do the manageable bits. If there are no manageable bits, it is by definition unmanageable.
So, here's the last plan that Imma make. It's the plan that I've always followed. The one where there is no plan. No schedule. No daily targets. Just execution. My exam is on January 8. Not the mock on Sunday. I know the parts where I'm weak, and I know the parts where I'm strong. It's only about putting my best foot forward on the day.
Cut the noise out. The noise inside my head, the noise from the mentor, the noise from the mock test feedback. Sometimes it gets too much that I feel like I can't hear the calming inner voice that is Patootie. I need to cut all of that out. That bubble is what I'm looking for again. It's a fookin utopia where everything is good. No matter what happens on the outside, everything is good inside Patootie's bubble.
I may not be able to make the exam work, but I'll find my peace again. That, to me, is the most important thing. If I can find that peace again, I feel life will be good. Life has to be good.
What if I fall? I'll get up, dust myself off and find myself another way.
But what if I fly? That's gonna be a whole new story altogether.
This is gold my friend. Best wishes.
P.s : I always save some part of your post in my google keep notebook. Ok. Shhh.🤐😛
Hahah, I'm so honoured, my friend!
The last 50 days have been turbulent and draining emotionally, mentally and physically. The work (productive work) of last 7 weeks could be condensed in 1 week. I don't know if I stand any chance. I don't know if being hopeful could alter things now. I don't know if I can put up a worthy effort in next 6 weeks. I don't know if the future could be changed by present. If this preparation is a 100 metres race and people are already near the finishing line, let me tell you I have not even crossed the starting line. Now, I feel should I even run. A moment of existential crisis, this. The head is full of self critical thoughts longing for what could have been. What hurts the most is you know that it is you yourself who never worked to your potential. Do I even try, ever. Do I even start? John Bingham says, "The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." Maybe I should stop thinking, now. I will have to see it through. I will have to run to find out. A quest to know if one can really change the dreaded future of not finding roll number in the Mains selected candidates list again, consecutive years. Do I feel hopeful, determined, confident now ? No. Do I know enough to write 9 papers now? No. Now, I will not think I will do whatever I can. I will run and see it through. I will update where I am.
Keep going, champion!
Dear friends
Just wanted to reiterate thatIt's all matter of few more weeks, and few moredense study sessions. Those 'nearing' the finish line can in no time be out of the race, and those who might think are no where in the race, may turn the table upside down, provided if they utilise the fraction of potential they posses, but are unable to utilise mainly because of the fear of the unknown.
Zyada se zyada kya hoga? Selection nahi hoga. Bus itni si baat?
None of you writing mains is dumb.
None of you writing mains will 'unsucced' in life.
None of you writing mains will die of hunger, or of joblessness.
Believe me, this exam isdesigned to test your anxiety, frustration, desperation, mental health, and your character.
And believe me, many of those, who might be not privileged as us, are cracking it every year. The only thing is ki there stories are not floating in the air. How many of selected candidates you know? One? Two? Three? Ten? That's too less to be considered as a sample size. There are hundreds of selection every year, and it is beyond anyone's capability toseethese humble, faceless, toppers, who may not find any place in the glam sham of media frenzied interviews, and those biased topper's talk. Believe me, it is among this lot, the majority of junta lies. And this lot is bahut had tak just like you.
Writings mains is no menial feat, though it is not the final destination, but you all will appreciate its indeed a confidence booster.Maintain the confidence. Appreciate that ho saqta hai agle saal ye mauka bhi na miley.
I am not an expert. In fact not a prelims expert for that matter. But, do this exercise-write 150 words in the replica of UPSC answer sheet.Saari chinta melt ho jayegi. Yes, it just needs quality 150 words which will fetch you marks.
With the risk of sounding noob, idealist, first timer, etc (nevertheless) yahi kehnaa hai aap sab se kiho jayega. Sabka exam niklega.
Befaaltu Gyaan ke thok vikreta
TR
Thank you for writing this, my friend.
Chin up, everyone. This is the last lap. Hopefully, never again. 40 days. Woot woot woot woot.
same feeling. had emotional breakdown 2 days ago and diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety disorder.
may be I'm not worth it. If I can't handle this pressure this means I'm not meant for it.
I'm so sorry to hear that. What you're going through must be terrible, but I have complete faith in you. Keep going. Pushing through this pain might be the hardest thing that you've ever had to do, but I promise you, it will all look up. While you are pushing through, do stay in touch with your healing. That is the most important thing. Irrespective of how it turns out for you, you are worth it. :)
You guys were crazy intense. Wish it goes well for you! @Kapiushon @Qoqo
PS: Yep, I was lurking in the background all this while. :P
