Hard Work May be Difficult, but Patience is Even More Difficult

First of all, Namaste to all of you. I am writing a story on ForumIAS for the first time. I was feeling unwell for the past many days, so I thought writing a story is a good way to communicate with other fellow aspirants. Today, I will like to bring your attention to the problem that every aspirant faces in their journey but nobody talks about which is'Emotional and Mental Well-being'. 

This exam is not just an exam, nowadays it has turned into a battlefield. The country's brightest students compete to become civil servants. Such a high level of competition puts an immense amount of pressure and stress on aspirants. In their daily lives, aspirants face sarcastically toned statements from their family, relatives, teachers, friends, etc. The initial two attempts in this exam are the best attempts in my humble opinion as others may not have much information about what you are up to. But time flies fast and as the attempts increase, you start to feel the real heat of this exam. 

Some of the problems faced by aspirants are: 1) Questioning their own caliber, 2) Unable to meet their financial needs, 3) Emotional issues as there is hardly anyone to understand their situation, 4) Unwanted advice and questions from those who don't even know about the exam process, 5) Family's skepticism in your abilities, etc. Sometimes we may even criticize the day we took the decision to write this exam. Along with this, I will like to highlight the helplessness of the aspirants. Students are increasingly becoming unwilling to share, listen & understand their fellow aspirants. In the name of privacy, people are shying away from trusting each other. If we won't help each other, then who else will? 

Every year, we hear about suicide cases related to UPSC preparation. If we all become more compassionate towards each other, we will be able to reduce such cases and create a better society.

This exam demands hard work, we all know. But the even more important thing is to have patience. The whole year of an exam cycle coupled with at least 1.5-2 years of preparation is indeed testing. I am writing my fourth attempt in 2022. My story has been awkwardly challenging. I started preparing after graduation. I knew that my financial background isn't strong and thus I won't be able to take coaching. But I had a faith rooted deep within myself and thus I took the challenge. 

2019: First attempt
I was excited as you must have been too when you gave your first attempt at this exam. But I fell short of 3-4 marks in GS and 1.xx marks in CSAT. That was a great learning experience. 

2020: Second attempt
I took a local 3000 INR online coaching for CSAT as I understood that without working on it, I won't be able to clear the Prelims. Papers came and surprisingly, from this year CSAT started becoming tougher. I cleared the Prelims. The first success in this exam, Ah! 'Taste the success once, tongue wants more' - Dialogue of Kapil Dev in the film '83'. From here on, Prelims became easy for me. The Mains came, and as a newcomer, I messed that up completely and ended up getting 548 total. You may laugh but still, I will like to share this so that young aspirants will learn from my mistakes. I didn't write introductions, or conclusions in Mains 21 thinking that answering what has been asked should be sufficient. I had heard a lot that papers are usually lengthy and thus I prioritized completing the paper above the way of completing the paper. Till now, I have not taken any GS or Optional coaching, internet/ books/ experiences, etc. are my teachers. Not getting an interview call was a real heartbreak and I have saved the comment that I made on ForumIAS that day. 

2021: Third attempt
Prelims cleared. Mains was an issue now. Because of COVID, the whole cycle of an exam was getting disrupted. And there was little time for me to improve my performance in the Mains, once I got the mark sheet. I tweaked my answer writing style and then I got lucky to appear at the UPSC Bhawan when I was not even expecting. This exam teaches us about people as well. As it is said, 'Failure is always an orphan, but success has many fathers'. These 1-2 months are one of the best parts of this journey. But another test was waiting. I missed the final cut-off by 43 marks, got a low score in an interview and optional, etc. At this point, people withdraw from your life like they were never there. Remember friends, those who aren't with you in your tough times, don't even deserve the fruits of your success. People who studied with you and became successful in cracking the exam will also start behaving differently, don't get surprised. The single most valuable learning of this journey is to never be dependent on anyone else. 

2022: Fourth attempt

30th May was the date when the result came and Prelims was scheduled on 5th June. I was not even sure whether to give the exam or not. Still, somehow I gathered the courage and picked myself up once again. Luck favors the brave, I cracked the Prelims. It was a hat-trick of Prelims, special in itself. Now, I had a good experience with Mains and a burning desire to do good. I worked hard for a few months but then God threw another googly. I lost my father to Oral Cancer on 31st August 2022 whereas the Mains was about to begin on 16th September 2022. Guests kept coming to console us and I kept preparing along with tears deep down my heart. I did whatever I could and completed the Mains 22 and now, I am waiting for its result. 

Now, can you see the importance of patience in this exam? I gave my all to UPSC still there is no shore visible. If it's your first or second attempt, go all out my friends otherwise every day will become a test of your emotional and mental temperament. I don't know how many more ordeals I will have to pass through. Here in this journey, crucial thing is to have belief in yourself which I still have. When you embark upon this journey, make sure you have self-belief as the time will come, when you won't have any to support you emotionally.  

However, I will like to tell that we all have immense potential. If Shri Anudeep Durishetty can do it, we all can too. We must not give up at any time and rise again and again till the problem itself accepts the defeat.Have an indomitable will!