I'm scared - ForumIAS

I'm scared

Ismein kya h book uthane ka, 

Samne dekhne ka, 

Padhne ka aur exam dene ka.. 

Tension kya h mamu.. 

Remember this from munna bhai mbbs( some dialogues changes of course).. 

But today I feel like rustam s papa.. 

Scared, damned if I do & doomed if I don't.. 

Ab bologe.. 

Kya didi firse chalu.. 

Kya kr skte h.. Life is like a wave.. Up & down.. 

Seedha chalega to maar jaega apun.. 

But ya today I'm opening up my heart bcoz at times it's easier to write than to speak.. 

I'm scared.. 

Yes!! I'm scared!!! 

Of exams and everything.. But more than that of failing expectations... 

I have failed once... To be an ias..

Again & again & again.. 

So now I'm scared with the thought.. 

It doesn't let me study.. 

Doesn't let me be easy.. 

Doesn't let me laugh.. 

Creates a sense of panic.. 

Jese I thought that maybe civil services is for me and it turned out that if isn't.. 

Kahin esa to nahi that ugc is also not for me... 

For my whole life I have been shouting at the top of my voice ki teacher nahi banna h mereko.. 

And yet here I stand trying to bring myself upto the point wherein I accept it.. 

I hv ignou exams.. For sociology m. A... 

Already done mg p. G in economics.. 

But ab socio.. 

Maan nahi krta.. 

Book kholte hi I get panicked.. 

And I hv someone special.. 

Planning to get settled this year.. 

He's standing holding the fort & cheering me but it's my fear.. 

Of Disappointment.. Of abandonment.. Of being of no use.. 

That's not letting the way... 

So dnt know what to do.. 

Kal h exam aur padhne ka dil ni kr raha.. 

Himmat nhi ho rahi.. 




Give this a read. All of us in this age mid/late 20's or early 30's struggle with career and identity. 

Past success/ failure should not restrict us in any way while we are experimenting with things(next attempt in our case).

Failure more so is a lesson in this prepration. You know what doesnt work which is very important leading us to the way which actually works. 

At this age one should ensure to make most of all the opportunities coming ones way. Just dont have any regret that you didnt give your best. 

Because later on in life, one is not placed best to take risks in life.

So until you have attempts, give it your all. Commit mistakes. But just new ones. Fall 8. Rise up 9.

All the best. 

ssver2,Rikzand10 otherslike this
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