Ships essay.pdfI Wrote it in January. Heard that people are willing to review.
Hoping for a review or two.
Good essay :)I Wrote it in January. Heard that people are willing to review.
Hoping for a review or two.
Things I liked
- ample historical examples to bring home the argument - Trojan horse and Mesopotamia example were both literal and metaphorical
- mention of reasons for Ships sinking / water entering them - Greed, Human hunger for power, its devastating impacts
- Human resilience to steer ship out of mess - Ferdinand megellar
Other points
- also felt historical perspective was given more weightage - other dimensions in my view (Politics - parliament criminalization and impact on institution,Sports - Indian cricket fixing, Economy - BOP crisis, Civil services etc.)
- I was hoping for some chronological sequencing in history examples, thats why felt Alexander example could come after Kingdom of Ur example
- was also hoping that initial Trojan horse example to get reflected in conclusion in some way
- @babu_bisleri mentioned physics behind ship sinking which I thought can help in our analysis
Questions/Clarification
- you talked about civilization,Gandhi, 9/11attacks in 5th,6th page - I wanted to know how are you establishing connect with topic of essay ?
Overall, very good points. Keep it up :)
Thank you for analyzing and pointing out these important shortcomings.
- When I was done with the essay, I also realized how it became tilted towards a historical perspective and missed out on governance, individual development, struggles. Could have added Stoic's advice, Nietzsche's perspective, along with the points that you have mentioned.
- Connecting Trojan Horse with the conclusion, so as to give a sort of closure to the essay is a very good idea. I saw Sachin Gupta's copy and analyzed some of Doorishetti's copies. They both finished with what they began.
- Historically Civilizations failed only when they allowed their culture and economy to be diluted by something which was foreign to their culture. For Example, The Aztecs were conquered because the bodyguard of the king were fascinated by Yellow Metal in the hand of Spaniards.Their mighty empire was challenged and conquered by a group of 15 Spanish traders, as they allowed themselves to be overwhelmed by Greed.Theproverbial ship of a civilization sank because the water of greedinfiltrated it.
- About Gandhi and WTC bombing: I was trying to show how we fall when we let our circumstances get the better of us, by showing two contrasting examples. Much like the proverbial ship sinking, humans allow their downfall once they permit their circumstances to define them.Gandhi did not allow but Bin Laden did allow it. One ship sank, the other became a beacon of hope. But I failed to do so by omitting a complete paragraph about it.
I guess I should have been more clear about these two points in the essay :D
New sunday ,new essay
Lets do it folks.
@nerdfighter@Aalsibalak@Aquaman@sstarrr@babu_bisleri@walterwhit3- up for today ?
Me and a friend are writing an essay on Wisdom Finds Truth (2019).
You guys?
New sunday ,new essay
Lets do it folks.
@nerdfighter@Aalsibalak@Aquaman@sstarrr@babu_bisleri@walterwhit3- up for today ?
Me and a friend are writing an essay on Wisdom Finds Truth (2019).
You guys?
We too can do this. PYQ are a good way to start.
I found it most challenging among the 4 in 2019. If you guys are willing for it, then PYQs are the best way in my opinion.
Wisdom finds truth !!
Very hard topic.
Took 15~20 mins extra. Will be very interesting on what lines others thought on this topic. My attempt.
Hello@farzicoder,I went through your essay.
Here are the points that I noticed:
Pros:
- Really simple language, barring few flowery terms like Borderless and Bottomless sea :D
- Ample examples from Indian context: Freedom Movement, Economy, LPG, Environment.
- The number of dimensions explored here. I think you went into 8 to 9 dimensions.
Possible Scope of Improvements:
- The idea of Wisdom in terms of philosophical knowledge could have been explored in a better manner.
- Knowing facts alone does not amount to wisdom
. The nature of wisdom which you explored around page 8 could have been elucidated around page 2 or 3. I feel the example of MKSS could be somewhat trivial here. But that's just my opinion. - Don't just say recent advancements like something: Add an example. Like, say Quantum Tunnelling, mRNA etc.
- The para where you went into what all have you discussed in this essay is perhaps avoidable. The examiner has already seen it. Rather than writing it in this manner, you can better use it by saying: Thus truth and wisdom are intertwined by multiple threads: so and so.
Keep writing
@walterwhit3 how did you remember so many quotes ?? . Do you like reading philosophy ??
Yeah. I like to read some stuff about it from time to time.
I was writing below average philosophical essays. Then I started paying attention to some quotes.
I still might be writing below average because essays are so subjective.
Hi. Just a thing , its a collective platform -instead of asking someone to review yours , pls review someone else as well so that even they get feedback , atleast on the similar ones - your's would be automatically reviewed.
Exactly my thought. I was going to post this myself. If you are posting your essay for a review, please consider doing one review yourself simultaneously. Just read thoroughly and post your opinion in an honest manner.
Let's make itdecentralizedrather than a centralized copy submission and receiving review style.
@Walter_White Don't take it otherwise but don;t you think you have made it an essay of philosophy? Although i haven't written the essay but i was going through some videos on telegram where people said to show your knowledge in your area of specialization as it is your domain but don't go too far. Otherwise, the Intro was too good and the first three paragraphs were brilliant but then it started to get too much of philosophy.
I found the topic really philosophical and thus approached it in the same manner. Although philosophy is not my specialization, I am having Physics optional. But it is possible that I might have overdone it.
Thank you for pointing it out.
Yeah its really difficult to explore dimensions in these topics. But you can use the pestel approach I am no expert but see if it helps you
- Political wisdom of our Nehru, Truth - Democracy
- Economic wisdom of Manmohan singh/ Pv narsimha rao , Truth- economic growth
- Social wisdom - Raja ram mohan roy, Ishwarchandra etc , Truth - a more liberal, egalitarian society
- Technological wisdom - Artificial intelligence , Truth- A simpler, connected world
- And so on....
- Also you can add drawbacks in each of these wisdom and elaborate IDK if this suits you, if not pls add something so we can gain something from ur insights
More than a set approach, what I am actually trying since last two or three essays is to explore the topic itself. Even though PESTEL approach or SPELICH has been set as a well rewarding strategy, I feel that for last 2 or 3 years the essay topics are going beyond that. Like, the 2019 essay paper was infamous for being supplimentary to GS IV paper. Therefore I tried to be as original as possible
Upon retrospective thinking, I feel that I could have improved or changed:
- The definition of wisdom. How wisdom lies in taking calculative decisions and application of knowledge.
- How Wise man have been able to find Truth about say : Discovery of Penicillin as scientific truth, social truths like Banning slave trade, Truth about Human Nature reflected in Declaration on Human Rights.
- About PVNSR and Man Mohan Singh, I feel their wisdom did not find any such substantial truths. They removed the barriers. India was and still is a potential powerhouse. We have erected these artificial barricades ourselves.
- What I really wanted to include is that Truth alone does not amount to progress. It needs the guiding light of old wisdom of Earth Being a Mother to All. Sometimes Truth needs to find wisdom as well. Hence the last 1.5 pages.
Rest it is just a mock essay.
I would gladly change my approach and inculcate your suggestions, rather than being blind about your suggestions and make a fatal mistake when the time comes.
Yeah its really difficult to explore dimensions in these topics. But you can use the pestel approach I am no expert but see if it helps you
- Political wisdom of our Nehru, Truth - Democracy
- Economic wisdom of Manmohan singh/ Pv narsimha rao , Truth- economic growth
- Social wisdom - Raja ram mohan roy, Ishwarchandra etc , Truth - a more liberal, egalitarian society
- Technological wisdom - Artificial intelligence , Truth- A simpler, connected world
- And so on....
- Also you can add drawbacks in each of these wisdom and elaborate IDK if this suits you, if not pls add something so we can gain something from ur insights
More than a set approach, what I am actually trying since last two or three essays is to explore the topic itself. Even though PESTEL approach or SPELICH has been set as a well rewarding strategy, I feel that for last 2 or 3 years the essay topics are going beyond that. Like, the 2019 essay paper was infamous for being supplimentary to GS IV paper. Therefore I tried to be as original as possible
Upon retrospective thinking, I feel that I could have improved or changed:
- The definition of wisdom. How wisdom lies in taking calculative decisions and application of knowledge.
- How Wise man have been able to find Truth about say : Discovery of Penicillin as scientific truth, social truths like Banning slave trade, Truth about Human Nature reflected in Declaration on Human Rights.
- About PVNSR and Man Mohan Singh, I feel their wisdom did not find any such substantial truths. They removed the barriers. India was and still is a potential powerhouse. We have erected these artificial barricades ourselves.
- What I really wanted to include is that Truth alone does not amount to progress. It needs the guiding light of old wisdom of Earth Being a Mother to All. Sometimes Truth needs to find wisdom as well. Hence the last 1.5 pages.
Rest it is just a mock essay.
I would gladly change my approach and inculcate your suggestions, rather than being blind about your suggestions and make a fatal mistake when the time comes.
I agree with you, but Pestel is not a framework its just a way to make you think about more dimensions. Also regarding mm Singh these are just examples I agree they didn't do anything substantial but then its an established fact now write your essays as as a generalist not an expert. Also the topic is wisdom finds truth why would you explore topics such as truth amounts to social progress or not, it is peripheral to the given topic you can give half a page. Also regarding the philosophy issue I will show you one of my essay, I also tend to quote a lot of scholars ( owing to my PSIR optional ) I got this feedback from someone who has scored well in essays so am passing on to you.
I understood your points. I need to maintain a balance to the depth of the topic while simultaneously exploring multiple dimensions.
Please share your essay. That would help.
@farzicoder @Aquaman Thank you, guys. Both of you have provided some really valuable inputs. It was indeed a philosophical overkill. Something which I will try to tone down in the upcoming essays.
Anybody in for writing an essay tomorrow?Yes. Topic?
@sstarrr
"The Greatness of Humanity is not in being human, but in being humane"
I wrote it last week. Today I wrote on another topic.
@farzicoder @sstarrr
Please take a look and submit yours.
