UPSC CSE NOT-SUCCESSFUL-YET PAIN STORIES !

vision2020said

I am as old as Gandalf in cse prep years and I have something to add.

Back in those good old days, I started off by making notes online. NCERT, eco survey, budget, newspaper, things I got wrong in prelims test series, anything you name I have made notes online. I have even made notes on niche topics like urbanisation, social empowerment etc also online. What happened as I have only now realised was that there was no connection between me and the notes that I made. Just like how ecom companies have alienated us from our local sellers I have alienated myself from my work. I could not feel it.

You know that feeling one gets when one comes across a question and vaguely remembers seeing it in his notes because of some peculiarity like he may have corrected a spelling mistake or may have underlined it, I never got it. My mind's eye was blank. Add to these the fact that the internet was and is a rabbit hole, my efficiency was always very low. I could not also sense the scale of material I have been accumulating.

Anyway, now I have nuked most of my online notes and started with pen and paper note making sitting away from the internet. I am getting printouts of most monthly news compilations instead of underlining them online. It feels good for now and the coming days will judge if I made the right decision.

I advise newbies to experiment soon with different media and stick with whatever is comfortable. Veterans can try pen and paper notemaking if they have wasted enough time online like me.

654upscsaid

Hi All, I am not sure if I was the oldest here among the aspirants for 2019 but definitely not the youngest. 

Have been an upsc aspirant since 2011. Yes it's been 9 long years.

Brief about me-

Graduate from a decent national college in engineering 

Working professional in a reputed MNC in India

6 Prelims, 5 Mains and 4 interviews (no guesses on why the name now 😊)

3 years of teaching upsc aspirants, proud to have 2 of them clearing the exam in 2017 and 2018.

Hoping for another 3 to break the ranks in 2020. (Watch out 😋)

The Gyan-

1. Working in a private firm, you need to know how to manage your time both for preparation and work life balance.

2. For working people, discipline is the key and there is no substitute to it. My schedule transformed to waking up at 4 and scrapping away 2-3 hrs on weekdays for preparation and 10-12 hrs on weekends. Define weekly hours of preparation and move your way forward, last weeks acceleration is of little use

3. Always and always seek professional help in your preparation and areas of syllabus(most of us have not even read the actual syllabus completely- I did read it completely only after 3rd attempt). Joining classes for mains and optional is important - Don't think you can read and know it on your own in isolation. Study in a class and have a group to discuss your newly acquired knowledge.

4. Choose your optional wisely. I had geography as my optional (and I have taught 2 batches of students of it as well 😊). It wasn't my core +2 subject nor was it my graduation subject. Hence if you pick such an optional, join a class and seek coaching from a regular teacher. It will only help you as the person teaching you knows better on providing conceptual clarity and better understanding of the topic. Also his/her analysis of previous year papers is not something easy to find.

5. It's not about the number of books you read, it's about re-reading the same old multiple times. ( Golden Rule). Authors of any book cant change the facts on the ground, hence all books are good in terms of content. For conceptual clarity some are better, but for that refer point 4.

6. Dont plan multiple times on your strategy, just execute any strategy once. That's the most important thing to remember. We usually plan more than execution.

7. Maintain a work life balance - Dont over burden your self with preparation and think this exam is your life and only career option. Take breaks, they actually ease your mind to prepare better. Extended studying days develop mental fatigue and builds frustration. So take small breaks to meet your friends, go for a trip or something that your like.

8. Analyse the papers and even your mocks on what went wrong and what went right as well. Usually aspirants dont analyse their answers but only check their mark ( inclusive of prelims as well).

9. Know where to stop, many topics are always over prepared and few under prepared. You should have a balance of ticking off all the points of the syllabus. Any topic you read you should only have about 500 words of notes on it and not more. There can only be one question and one question only on a topic. Hence maintain a balance within the syllabus.

10. Key areas missed by many aspirants - 

a) Give mocks essays - atleast 5 to 6

b) Focus on ethics paper, it's not a book to read or knowledge to acquire in a couple of weeks but a process of atleast a month or two

c) Read newspapers of atleast two years before appearing.

d) Dont give multiple back to back attempts, take a break and prepare better. Then give it your last and best shot.

Overall, gyan as always thoda lamba hee hota hai.

Currently I have no regrets or feeling of sadness about the missed opportunity. Just enjoy the process it will transform you completely and you need to feel proud of your hardwork that you have been putting. 

Always there to assist and help anyone in their prep. 

Thanks if you have read it till the end. Hope it was of value to you.

Cheers

Piyadassisaid

I have almost grown up along this very forum. From a 22 year old writing mains in his first attempt to having exhausted 5 attempts without an interview call is no cause to look at this journey with any nostalgia. This whole journey has been punctuated by so many failures ( including 2 PCS Interviews ) that I even thought lesser attempts ( 4 attempts of pre 2014 era ) would have been much better to atleast give people like me a chance to forcibly exit this cycle and save some productive youthful years. But then this process was never a burden for me on the contrary the Mains Season is almost like a festival .. many people here could relate with it I guess 😅 . So the thought came and went. 

So what is my takeaway from this process - a few constitutional principles ? Some basic economic concepts ? Insights into the history and geography of India ? I don't think think so , because the very purpose of this learning was to crack an exam and that did not happen. However we emphasize the great role of this syllabus it is not something which shapes or builds our personality or even make us a better person for that matter. But but but .. the amount of reading definitely helps you navigate any conversation any where out there and it  sharpens the learning curve .. learning new stuff is fun and easy .. for me I have dived into another 2 optionals for my upcoming state forest service Main exams to maybe break the streak of failure finally 🤞

However an  exam should be taken like an exam and nothing more. I made the mistake of taking it way too seriously as a kid and associating so many other stuff with the outcome and now I am a prisoner of my own desires. 

Although advices emanate from struggle and a failure story becomes a struggle chiefly from a winners hindsight still I will say something - If you think you can do something better with your time rather than investing so much in this journey it's better to switch now however if you don't think there's anything better to do than to prepare for this exam irrespective of the outcome .. you my friend will definitely win this journey. 

सिर्फ हंगामा खड़ा करना मेरा मकसद नहीं,

मेरी कोशिश है कि ये सूरत बदलनी चाहिए।

मेरे सीने में नहीं तो तेरे सीने में सही,

हो कहीं भी आग, लेकिन आग जलनी चाहिए।

Kasturi22said

I never had any inclination or thought of pursuing UPSC or becoming an IAS/IPS officer or joining any civil service until I turned 24. My lifelong ambition had been to get into an Ivy League Business School since my school days. I vaguely remember reading a special edition of India Today in 2003 titled "56 leaders to reckon with," which celebrated India's 56 years of Independence. At that time, I was in 9th grade, and upon finishing the magazine, I realized that most of these leaders had either graduated from a top business school in India or an Ivy League institution. Thus, pursuing an MBA from a renowned business school became my goal.

After completing my engineering degree, I worked for a couple of years at an IT firm and then got admitted to IIFT (Indian Institute of Foreign Trade). I finished my MBA in 2014 and secured a position as a Technology Consultant at a reputable IT firm with a handsome salary. My desire was always to go abroad and settle down, and given my role as a consultant in the IT industry, I had a good chance of achieving that.

During my MBA days in Delhi, some of my school friends came to Delhi's Old Rajinder Nagar (ORN) to prepare for the Civil Services examination. I used to visit them on weekends for social gatherings, but I never considered changing my career or direction. After my MBA, I was relocated to Noida for work, and the parties in ORN continued. During one of those discussions, my friends asked me why I shouldn't also prepare for the civil services exam. They mentioned that it was a prestigious career option that would suit my personality. I casually explored the idea but didn't take any immediate action. However, the thought lingered in my mind and gradually grew stronger. Meanwhile, I got transferred to Hyderabad, where I moved and pursued various hobbies. I started learning the guitar, completed a full marathon, and began weight training. Life seemed good on the personal front, but I was not performing well in my job. I missed out on a couple of opportunities to work abroad, and I realized that I wasn't passionate about my work and lacked the motivation to excel in it. It became clear to me that this might not be the right career path for me. Amidst all this, the idea of preparing for the civil services exam continued to grow in the back of my mind.

Finally, after working for two years, I made the decision to quit my job in 2016 and moved back to my hometown to dedicate myself to preparing for the UPSC exam. Thankfully, I didn't have many financial liabilities except for an educational loan. My father encouraged me to pursue my dream and assured me that I need not worry about the loan repayments; he would take care of them.

First Attempt - 2016:

My initial attempt in 2016 was simply to familiarize myself with the exam. The 2016 paper mainly consisted of Current Affairs (CA) questions sourced from Vision Material. Surprisingly, even without any preparation, I managed to score 66. This led me to believe that the exam would be a walk in the park.

August 2016 to June 2017:

During this period, I immersed myself in reading various topper blogs, creating a booklist, and devising a strategy. Overconfident and over enthusiastic, I felt that I had figured it al.I identified a few common themes from the toppers' experiences:

•          Study basic books and NCERTs while making detailed notes.
•          Rely on a couple of trusted CA websites.
•          Enroll in a few prelims test series.
•          Complete the optional subject before the prelims.
•          Solve as many mock tests as possible for the prelims.

Fueled by my confidence from reading the topper blogs, I began to question why this exam was unnecessarily hyped. I decided to cover CA from three sources instead of the usual two and create comprehensive CA notes.

I chose Mathematics as my optional subject and initially joined a weekend coaching class in Hyderabad. However, after making a few trips from my hometown (a three-hour journey), I realized that the coaching was unnecessary, and I could study on my own. I obtained the study material and started preparing from home.

After two months of preparation, I realized that completing the optional subject before the prelims wouldn't be feasible. I aimed to at least complete Paper 1. However, after four months, I came to the realization that even completing half of Paper 1 would be a challenge due to the extensive syllabus of Mathematics. It seemed impossible to finish it in less than a year.

By December, I had only finished reading about polity, ancient, medieval, and modern India. By "reading," I mean going through the content a couple of times and making brief notes. I hadn't touched any CA material. I distinctly remember an incident when, one day after having a heavy breakfast, I picked up the 11th Standard NCERT book on Physical Geography. After three hours, I had barely managed to read 10-15 pages before dozing off. I wondered why I was being so lazy and decided to abandon the NCERT book and switch to PMFIAS notes, followed by Mrunal videos on Geography, and so on.

I came across a topper's advice on answer writing from SECURE, a platform for practicing answer writing. According to the topper, covering 10-12 months of SECURE practice would be sufficient to clear the exam. I started doing it in December-January, setting aside my Prelims preparation. Looking back, I realize how confused I was about this exam.

I explored various digital note-making tools such as Evernote, OneNote, MS Word, and mind maps. However, I couldn't stick with any of them for more than 3-4 weeks. I was searching for a solution to a problem that didn't really exist.

I appeared for the Prelims in June 2017, but the UPSC had made significant changes to the prelims pattern of questions, and I ended up flunking.

Mistakes made during the first attempt:

• I failed to thoroughly cover Current Affairs (CA) from a single reliable source. Instead, I adopted a hodgepodge approach, relying on multiple sources.
• Although I made notes for subjects like Polity, History, Economy, Environment, and Geography, I neglected to revise them regularly. As a result, I found myself panicking a few weeks before the exam when I realized I had forgotten most of the content.
• I made the wrong choice of optional subject (Mathematics) and ended up spending a significant amount of time on it, covering only 25% of the syllabus. After this attempt, I switched to Psychology as my optional subject.
• I made the mistake of solving random test series without properly covering the subjects. While many toppers suggest reverse engineering and learning concepts through solving MCQs, I found that it backfired in my case.
• I underestimated the amount of studying required for the exam and overestimated my ability to retain information.

After the debacle of my first attempt at the prelims, I realized the uncertainty surrounding this exam. Fortunately, in August 2017, NABARD and IRDAI released Grade A recruitment notifications, and I successfully cleared both exams. I joined IRDAI in January 2018, which turned out to be the best decision I made throughout the entire process. It provided me with a solid backup plan, allowing me to focus on the UPSC exam wholeheartedly. At the time, I was 29 years old, and due to personal reasons, I got married in April 2018, and skipped 2018 attempt.

In my 2019 attempt, I put in decent effort by solving mock exams and following random CA sources. I also relied on YouTube elimination videos. However, I flunked the prelims once again. The 2020 attempt was overshadowed by the COVID-19 pandemic, and I faced another disappointment in the prelims.

For the 2021 and 2022 attempts, I realized the need for coaching to cover Current Affairs, so I enrolled in CA classes. I also joined optional subject coaching and revisited the static subjects, updating my notes. Unfortunately, I repeated the same old mistakes of relying on too many sources and neglecting regular revisions. I was more focused on exploring how to learn rather than actually learning the subjects required for the UPSC exam.

After the 2020 attempt, I reflected on my shortcomings and wondered why I couldn't remember the information effectively. This led me to explore learning techniques and I came across ANKI and Super Memo. I discovered the most efficient techniques for studying, such as active recall, spaced repetition, and interleaved learning. I realized that many aspirants, including myself, tend to follow less efficient techniques like rereading, summarizing, and highlighting. I wished I had known about these efficient learning techniques and used software like SM18 from the beginning of my preparation.

During my journey, I stumbled upon something powerful that empowers individuals to learn efficiently and retain information for a long time. I encourage future aspirants to explore the following resources: "Make it Stick" by Brown, the "What works and what doesn't" PDF by Dunlosky (found on the first link when searched), and the website ncase.me/remember.

I would like to emphasize something that I find important. If you simply type "What works and What doesn't" into Google, the first link that appears will lead you to a 6-page PDF on effective learning techniques. According to this resource, the most efficient methods of studying are active recall, spaced repetition, and interleaved learning. On the other hand, the least efficient approaches involve rereading, summarizing, and highlighting. It's a cardinal mistake that many aspirants, including myself, make by relying on these less effective techniques. We tend to re-read, highlight, and summarize, which does not yield optimal results.

Ideally, we should read the content and then attempt to recall it at spaced intervals while also mixing up subjects. In theory, this sounds straightforward, but in practice, it can be challenging. I have personally tried and failed in this endeavor. The reason behind this difficulty is that the UPSC prelims syllabus is extensive, requiring a substantial amount of reading. Practicing these techniques on such a vast syllabus can be mentally taxing. That's when I discovered some learning software, such as SM18, and began using it. I found that it produced brilliant results for certain topics. I wish I had started using these learning techniques (active recall, spaced repetition, and interleaved learning) and software right from the beginning of my preparation.

This discovery has been one of the most significant takeaways from my entire journey. It empowers individuals to learn efficiently and retain information for a long time.

In my 2023 attempt, I rectified many of my previous mistakes, limited my sources, but still made the mistake of irregular revision. I missed two questions directly from my notes—the Devaraya Question and the Governor General of India question. After checking my score, I realized I was scoring 80+ and began preparing for the Mains. However, fate had other plans, and I didn't clear the prelims.

In summary, I made a total of six attempts but failed to clear the prelims even once. Few cents from my end.

In summary, I made a total of six attempts but failed to clear the prelims even once. Few cents from my end.

Uncertainty of the Exam: This is one exam where someone who has diligently prepared may fail, while someone who hasn't prepared much may clear the prelims. I hesitate to call it uncertain, but it is.

Cumulative Knowledge: I have a friend who planted the idea of UPSC in my mind. He clears prelims with ease and has cleared all of them. He is currently in RBI. Even in 2023, he didn't study a single page but cleared the exam. The same happened in 2022 and 2021. The reason is that from 2013 to 2016, he was in ORN preparing for the exam, and then he joined RBI. His cumulative knowledge from school, college, and those three years of preparation helps him clear the prelims.

Expert Guidance: I always underestimated the importance of this. If you can seek advice from someone who has cleared this exam or has been coaching aspirants for a long time, do so. Don't solely rely on topper's blogs or videos to formulate your strategy. This is particularly relevant for the optional subject and some core areas in General Studies, such as polity, history, geography, and economy. You will need guidance to understand different types of majorities, calculations in presidential elections, and other concepts that may appear simple in books but require deeper understanding from a teacher or guide.

Have a Strong Fall-Back Option: When the prelims result was announced on Monday, I came to the office, checked the result, and realized I didn't clear it. I continued with my daily routine as usual. I realized that there are many aspirants in ORN and other places who have had their dreams shattered, having dedicated their best years to this exam and now having to start from scratch. Many of my friends devoted 5-6 years to this exam, and after exhausting their attempts, they were clueless about what to do with their lives or careers. It's important to have a strong alternative plan.

Efficient Learning Techniques: As mentioned earlier, invest time in learning about efficient learning techniques. They will save you time and effort. We were never taught how to learn these things in school or college. We were always told to keep learning, but no one taught us the "how." I have read standard books multiple times but had a tough time recalling information. Part of the reason may be that I never used that knowledge in my daily life, and my office and personal responsibilities didn't allow me to keep those things on the top of my mind.

Simplicity yet Complexity of UPSC: At first glance, this exam may seem simple yet tough. However, I found that it's not simple; it's quite complex. We can't fully understand it without getting into preparation mode.

Reduce Distractions: This is another aspect I want to emphasize. My life had many priorities—office work, family and kids, and responsibilities at home. Balancing all of them was difficult. I would spend an hour studying polity, then the next hour would be consumed by calling the AC repair person, vacuuming the house, or taking the dog for a walk. No matter how meticulously I planned, it was never enough. I had to juggle multiple tasks. I used to listen to CA lectures while driving to the office and solve MCQs during lunch.

Half-Truths in Topper Blogs/Write-Ups: All the advice provided by toppers in their blogs or write-ups reveals only half-truths. Take their advice, including this write-up, with a pinch of salt.

Beyond the UPSC lies a life at my current workplace. It has been five years since I joined, and life here is wonderful with no stress whatsoever. We have a strict eight-hour work schedule, allowing plenty of time to pursue activities outside of the office. The best part is that it's based in Hyderabad, just three hours away from my hometown, so there are no transfers involved.

During these five years, my spouse and I have purchased a house, a car, and started a family. Financially, my current job is on par with a corporate job. At many points during the preparation, I questioned why I would leave all of this behind to join the Civil Services and take a pay cut of over 60%.

My plan now is to continue my career here and pursue a career in actuarial science. I want to play tennis every day and rekindle long-lost hobbies. However, there will always be a sense of emptiness due to not being able to clear the Civil Services exam and the elusive dream of becoming an IAS/IFS/IPS. As they say, you can't have it all in life.Over the years, I have maintained a journal, and recently, while going through it, I realized that for the past six to seven years, 90% of my journal entries revolved around exam preparation—what to study, why I couldn't study on a particular day, and what to study the next day, and so on.

This exam has been at the forefront of my mind. I may say that I haven't revised a certain book, but even after dedicating the best years of my life to this exam, if I can't even clear the first stage, I wonder what kind of exam it truly is.

Was it really worth it?

Last year, I had conversations with a couple of friends who were in the service (IAS, IAS, IFS). They all agreed that there is a lot of hype and less substance in those positions. One friend, who is serving in the Gujarat cadre, advised me not to consider joining any service other than IAS/IFS after hearing about my job, work profile, and pay. I'm not complaining about not making it, but sometimes we overlook the bigger picture while chasing elusive things.

Looking back, I realize how diligent, persistent, and optimistic I was, even after failing the prelims every year. Although I couldn't clear the exam, this failure instilled in me newfound confidence that I can take on any challenge and rely on my determination and perseverance to overcome it.

Sometimes, we mold ourselves into the person we are and chase something elusive that may not be suitable for us. There's a book by Rolf Dobelli called "The Art of Thinking Clearly," where he discusses how people in the USA dream of going to Florida someday and settling down by the beach there. However, upon reaching Florida, they realize that their lifestyle isn't very different, as they still have to wake up and do the same household chores they were doing elsewhere. The utopian idea that moving to Florida will erase all unhappiness turns out to be wrong, and they only realize this after going there.

I still have the urge to write; the words keep flowing. I wrote all of this in just a couple of hours. However, I will stop for now. I have so many pent-up emotions that I want to express through writing.

All the best to future aspirants. May you find what truly matters to you!

व्यस्त_बालकsaid

sir, today my sister had gone to community meet felicitation. by gods grace she will be getting irs or maybe ips if she is lucky depending on category cut off.

sir i was going thorugh your twitter feeds. i have been followin forum since 2016 itself, and have seen almost all big coachings like vajiram next ias vision ias.

sir this year i was going thorugh forum results for topper copies. this is huge!!!!

Sir, today forum is becoming so big that most people dont have any idea.

sir, i am writing to tell you that please do not diluet quality or stop anything that you are doing that has yielded so good results which no coaching has this year.

most people are going to three institutes

vajiram, vision ias and next ias

but sir, currently you are the only one who has a good understanding of the exam, and it is reflecting in your result. in past 4 years you have completely demolished vision ias.

sir, right now you are the only who is working on quality.

vajiram is now run ravindrans sir's son arjun who is having no idea of upsc

vision is be ajay sir who has not written the exam but has done lot of good working

next ias has B singh sir who has lot of money but no understanding of upsc exam, nor hv been upsc aspirants before.

the only persons who could have done something are vinay sir who is busy doing pr and meeting politicians and podcasts and no attention to quality of students. even yesterday sir was meeting cm of karnataka and will be contesting elections.

vikas sir is a great teacher, but he is in hindi medium, and drishti is not exam oriented at all ( i m providing mentorship there )

Sir, right now you are the only head of any coaching who is having upsc experience and rest all are run by people who are just having money and no interest in upsc exam apart from it.

i hv two request to mk to you

1. if possible, imprve the epic magazine which is very complex to read for beginners. make it more simpler

2. dont dilute the quality of your programs, in 5 years u will beat vajiram 

i was surprised to know that dipin sir who was poached by vajiram has come back to forum. this i had not expected, and it marks the end of days for vajiram and the big coachings.

Tatasaid

gaurav3sharma737said

I was just listening to a few songs and that made me come back to forum after so many months, if not years! I am another "non-successful" story and got in the game of UPSC when forum barely existed, Ojha sir was nowhere in Delhi, Vajiram had less than 20 GS batches, there were 2 optionals.

Prince Dhawan, who got selected in 2011 was my main motivation to take EE and PubAd as optionals. I graduated in 2012 and took my first attempt. I took prelims just after going through coaching material and got through. Mains were in 3 months and I knew nothing about anything to do with it. I joined coaching for PubAd and did GS and EE on my own, standing in long queue outside American Library on KG Marg, sitting wherever there was space. Eventually, wrote my mains - I remember PubAd exam so clearly - my center was UPSC exam hall and we got the first paper, and everyone was just looking at each other for the first 5-10 mins. We didn't know what to write. Eventually, we wrote something and that was the year when the term "butchering" became popular - forum also had a role to play then since people started using it more actively. I scored 70% marks in Essay which was one of the highest marks that year. I scored 158 marks in PubAd (both papers) which was also comparable to many selected candidates that year. I missed clearing mains by 37 marks and blamed EE for my failure (dropped it later to take PubAd).

I joined my GS coaching in Vajiram after my first mains - and when I used to tell people in my class, they were so shocked. And this moment got captured so well in "Aspirants" when sandeep bhaiya tells abhilash - "nai nai coaching to hoti rahegi, pehle IAS ban jao"! Then came the 2013 attempt, perhaps my best attempt - pattern change to 1 optional subject wasn't announced until after prelims. Prelims was considered to be super high scoring, and perhaps has had the highest cut-off (60%) in the last 10 years or so - 241/400. I scored 323 marks in prelims. I remember so many deserving candidates did not get through prelims that year. Then came the mains! Nobody knew we will get 25 questions of 10 marks each!!! One edge I had over the others this time was that I was used to writing short and crisp answers and that helped me so much! I finished all the papers - people failed in mains that year because many could not complete the question paper. I was extremely confident of getting through and I did! I got 42 marks more than the cutoff (PubAd was still not satisfactory but okay). I prepared very hard for interviews and made so many friends on forum that year. Neanderthal (cant find his username now) used to stay in the apartments opposite UPSC and used to update everyday about the results - aaj aa raha hai, board saaf nahi hua, board aaj saaf ho raha hai !!@Neyawn and I think Liverpool used to discuss a lot of stuff. Had few more friends but don't remember their username and telling their real names isn't required. Finally, on June 12th the final result came and I was super confident that I used to tell my friends ki pdf mein naam toh hoga, bas rank dekhna hai.. and I was confident of a decent rank! but "ctrl+F" gave me a sound! I was numb!! so numb that I did not know what to say or do. Saw my marks, missed it by 32 marks. Got effed in Interview, which I think went well. DK Diwan board - who was esp famous then asking the induction motor question in interview! (I thought Rajni Razdan would be the worst board but this was even worse - the way he used to smirk if you didn't answer his question). 3 of my close friends were in the list! 2 are IPS and 1 is IFS (who, now are so helpful if I need some work done). Funniest event was that my undergrad roomate mistook me for crazyphoton and sent a text - "Bhai top kar diya kya tune?". Apparently he got a TOI notification of the sort - "Gaurav tops CSE 2013".

Gathered myself in the next few days, started prepping for 2014 prelims - this time, I did silliest of silly mistakes in CSAT and my chances seemed thin! Somehow, I made it. Cutoff was 209 and I got 212. Worked hard this time - made my answers super crisp, took essay practice tests, a lot of help from Pavan sir - he obliged to check my GS answers too and I would go get atleast 6-7 answers checked every day. He knew me well because the IFS friend and I used to go to him in 2013 for test series. Once again, I did well in Mains - people were still struggling to complete the paper that year too but I could finish all my papers. That definitely adds 5-10 marks in each paper if you write the right content. Fortunately, I was through this time too. I got average performance in Interview - Vinay Mittal board but my marks in ethics and pubAd seemed to pull me back and I missed the final list by 21 marks. I was just unable to stand up when I got thatafter "Ctrl+F" on the pdf! People who I had helped go through and I missed it! 

As a backup I had applied to a university in Singapore for Masters admission (IIT undergrad required no test scores, detailed application) so that was a piece of cake for me. The week before the final results, I had an admit from there. I went there, did my 1 year masters but was still after UPSC. I took my 4th attempt in 2015 and then went to Singapore. That was the year CSAT was not to be graded. I never imagined that this would happen but I missed prelims by 0.66 mark!! By then India bhai had become a pro in finding the information about result dates. That night, when the results were to come, I remember staring the screen, with the samesound but 5000 km away with no parents/family/home around. And none of the friends knew the gravity of this, because why will they? They came for a Masters and to enjoy life. My masters was a backup plan and not the main plan! I remember watching Gangs of Wasseypur back to back for the entire night! Nonetheless, I thought this is a good time to be out of the UPSC cycle - let's restart everything. I decided to go back to EE for optional and then prepare it and GS once again for 2016. Meanwhile, I got placed in a Fortune 500 firm and was to begin working from August 2016. 

I came back home, took my prelims and went back to Singapore to join my new job - the first proper job. This time, I missed prelims by 0.33 mark!!!! But it was less painful because I had a backup that would at least satisfy me monetarily. This time I decided to buy a super expensive F1 ticket and watch the race! I decided to be wise with my last attempt and took a break in 2017. End of 2017, I felt that void (of wasting time in SG and not working on my goal) so badly that I quit my job, came back to Delhi in 2017 end and prepared for 2018. 

This time, I stayed in ORN with a friend who was writing his first attempt and so both of us were pumped up! Between the both of us, we did more than 150 practice papers for prelims! But as luck would have it, I missed prelims this time as well! I did not bother to check by how much because it didn't matter. My situation was weird - I quit a well paying job for a dead end and now they won't take me because immigration rules changed in Singapore. I decided to apply for a Research position in the same university I did my Masters from and a professor had funding, who employed me. Going there as a Research staff was easier. Finally, I decided to apply for a PhD position in the US because SG was a little too restrictive for foreigners. I didn't get PhD offers because I was chasing the top 20 schools in AI/ML and didn't have such a profile. Nonetheless, an Ivy league gave me an offer to join it's masters program which I accepted in 2020 and finally graduated in May this year. I am writing this from my office (somehow my profile/interviews went so well, that I have a personal office of my own in a fortune 500 firm - which is a huge achievement for me).

So, all in all, I didn't get through, maybe it wasn't meant to be. I thought missing prelims by 0.66 or 0.33 or missing final list by 30ish marks needed a little extra effort but maybe that was a signal to exit early. But all this gyan one can give in retrospect! When you know you came so close, then why not do it again. It's extremely difficult to decide in the moment whether to quit or continue. Nonetheless, eventually, everyone finds their path. I have brushed shoulders with Dr. Amartya Sen, Dr. Raghuram Rajan, Dr. Arvind Subramanian during my masters here, on a regular basis but that void of becoming an IPS will always be there, no matter what. I still have that hope that one day I will come back to Lutyens delhi as a lateral entry official! Let's see if that day comes!

Such an amazing story, a perfect example of sheer hard work! Thank you for sharing.