UPSC Confessions: Behind every attempt, a story no one knows.

I’m writing this not as a topper, but as someone who has tasted failure honestly.

  In 2020, I started my UPSC preparation  

My UPSC journey didn’t begin with books and NCERTs — it began with silence, obsession, and questions that kept me awake. For two years, I didn’t study subjects. I just studied what kind of human being this exam wants you to become.

  In May 2022, I graduated.  

My family was trapped in a generational debt cycle — a slow, invisible suffocation. As the elder son, I wasn’t allowed the luxury of “following passion.” Responsibility didn’t knock. It broke the door. I worked in multiple private roles for a year, built a strong backup and kept the dream alive quietly.

  In Dec 2023, I left home to chase my passion.  

Since then, I was studying for 6 months and stabilizing financially for the rest 6 months. The price was two failed Prelims.

And here’s the brutal truth I had to accept:

• I was doing part-time UPSC Preparation. I was just surviving — and calling it preparation.

• My reasons were genuine. But UPSC doesn’t care about reasons. Only results.

  What this UPSC taught me?  

I met a friend in Delhi — spending lakhs in the name of UPSC preparation.

• He had money. He had time. He had comfort.
• But no mindset. No openness. No learning from mistakes.
• Stuck in arrogance of effort. Two years gone. Nothing built.

That’s when I understood something cruel and beautiful about Law of Balance:

• Nature never gives everything to one person.
• It gave me skills but not the opportunity. 
• It divides gifts and burdens to shape us and to test our abilities.

What I did build over these years was something few people consciously develop:

• Gained Experience from 5 Indian Army SSB Interviews
•  Built Officer-Like Mindset
•  Inculcated Neutral & Analytical Thinking
• Developed Psychological Endurance

  Irony of life?  

People who have written two Mains ask me for strategy. Final-attempt candidates seek my perspective. I know the syllabus. The sources. The strategy. The psychology. But I never had time with peace and chance to chase my passion.

Today, I’m growing in my profession. I’m stabilizing my family’s future — brick by brick. I study when I can, without guilt. I’ve made a hard, conscious decision: I won’t do Part-Time UPSC preparation anymore.

I’ll work, grow, build financial strength for two more years. Then I’ll return to UPSC — fully.

  For those just beginning UPSC preparation:  

• Before you chase UPSC, sit with your family.
• Study not just NCERTs — study your reality.
• UPSC is not just an exam. It is a war between your dreams and your duties.
• This exam rewards sacrifice — but it punishes irresponsibility.

All the best to everyone walking this path. May you have both dreams and stability when you need them most.