After mains debacle.. Trying to start Over now.. Skipping this yr upsc.. Will give state pcs this year in June 2021..
Don't know where lacked in mains.. So will wait for marksheet before jumping again in upsc.. Made notes of g's (except for g's 1) and optional.. Used reports ; sdgs ; articles; diagrams - India world maps and few from coaching centres notes.. Wrote around 12 tests.. Got checked personally.. Took essay classes-used story and quotes in both essay.. Optional-gave multiple examples with flowchart etc..
Some interview call students say.. That wrote multiple tests..and some with No diagrams.. Used puchii; arc etc . Then after 1 day another friend comes on forum.. And tell that he or she followed above approach (multiple revisions ; arc n data etc) .. But could not find name in list..
For 4 days kept blaming myself.. That should have written more tests or should have given more efforts ( was in home for personal reasons after prelims for 15 days).. Then there is a history optional guy - whose 20 days got wasted due to dengue... And still made it.. Then there is a girl from Bengal.. Who kept going since covid lockdown daily with her civils and also ies ( eco) exam..
But there are multiple silent observers who kept doing similar efforts and comes like blue moon after results with new ids.. And many of them kept going on daily.. But still could not find name in list.. So whether its luck or hardwork or some superpower blessing.. Currently I do not know.. Nor I have knowledge and time to find it out..
With my former id.. I used to comment occasionally on forum ( approx 6 times a month) Now with new ID... And new user name.. Just to remind myself that I need to start again.. In upsc journey from few years.. So deciding to go for state pcs this year was very tough decision.. So I needed some thing ( here user name) to kill my ego ( ias vs state service sdm).. I needed something to remind me.. That now its fight for survival.. To overcome Parents income support.. To give myself time to figure out..Where I got wrong in upsc mains.. Needed recalling multiple examples like Drking ; India bhai; yoyo ( his journey with state pcs)..
untill now I avoided giving state pcs - by excusing myself by giving multiple useless reasons like state pcs is different ; I am analytical mind etc.. Excuses I feel them now.. As after so many years.. Where I am now wrt upsc.. I do not know my mains marks.. I do not know where I lacked.. What worked and what not..
Still dependent on father's income (who is 60 plus already and having health issues - as with case with most of aspirants; over here) What mind I was (analytical or not) I do not know.. Upsc preparation made my thought process the way it is ( curious if not analytical ).. So if upsc preparation can make me this way.. State pcs preparation this year can also make my thinking process - the way it is required)
It is very difficult to gather up courage to fight again.. Very difficult to dust ourselves and again rise ( some people say as rising from ashes.. But for my case - I will call it dirt-I don't have business to look after.. I m over my prime age.. With 2 years plus of corporate experience and now in covid times-when going back to corporate becomes more difficult )
But what can i do.. Only two thing left for me.. To just clock hours studying again ( this time for state pcs exam in June) and to kill my ego of upsc vs state civil.. not undermine state civil service ( in order to give my best)..
Whether I become ias or not.. But if I give my best for state civil service and get selected.. I will be able to support myself.. I will be able to take some stress and financial issues away from my family.. I will be posted in my home state.. I will rise slowly wrt ias officer in promotion..
But I will have ground base and will rise.. And then.. ias.. I will come after u.. With my full efforts.. Knowing my mistakes and knowing my strengths.. And with no stress of backup.. No stress of going back to corporate world ; and no more of a burden on my family..
Will prepare today my schedule and will start from Tom posting on this thread - DAILY..
Any suggestions ; way forward and criticisms most welcome.. Upsc make us humble ( so don't worry of pissing me off)
@SurvivalHey! With regards to State PSC Vs. UPSC, I also recently gave State PSC Pre and will be writing Mains right after the UPSC Prelims. I think you should give your best for state PSC. If you clear that exam then it will rejuvenate you. It will make you feel much more confident.None of us can say what worked or what not in mains with utmost confidence till the marks are out. Try to realize what more can you add once the marks are out. At the same time keep the spirits high. All of us are in the same process. Hard work will always reward you so don't stop doing that. Since there is limited intake and high amount of people aiming for the same thing, it is natural that not all of us will go through in one go. Some people who couldn't clear mains last term, cleared it this year. So stay focused and consistent. Things will fall in place.
Yes my friend.. And thank you for replying.. Untill I don't know where I lacked I can not improve it.. So it will be better for me first to give my best for state pcs..
and also best wishes to u for coming prelims and state mains..just will focus on clocking hours as mind is little numb still.. But can't let it linger as then I will screw up state pcs..
Seems thread on revival..
Yest review - biology completed 40 pgs (10 left).. And time wasted due to thinking of spending time alone on Holi.. And upsc debacle..
Today target - bio 50 pages.. Optional 4 hrs notes.. Mains g's note making 2 hrs..
Funny thing is - how much we put value to this exam.. And few people who get selected.. Leave the field mid- way.. Context - few ips left job and fighting elections in Bengal.. And in yest newspaper - 36 yrs ips left job last yr .. Now directing a political party in Tamil Nadu at grassroot level in a backward area..
And here we are thinking.. Ek baar ghusa doh service mei Bhagwaan..( plz help us to enter services one time God ) 😂
Started with biology today morning (so many things to study for state pcs in bio.. So most of things I forgot since 365 era started and upsc stopped asking vitamins ; harmones glands etc..)
Optional have to do after 8 pm or max from 8.30 pm.. After science it will be a relief for sure..
Newspaper yet to see.. Will see late tonight..
Atleast got up at proper time today..
Starting my day with lively ncerts..
Funny thing.. After last yr prelims while shifting my room.. Sold few old ncerts to kabariwalaa assuming won't be needing them to study again.. So yest downloaded them in pdf format... Will read them today..
6.30-8 am-ncert
8-9-newspaper
9.30-1.30-ncert
1.35-2.30-hindi
4.30-7-optional
7-8.30-will see..
Library I m also missing.. But avoiding it due to rising covid cases in Delhi and my last library experiences...apparently i have a magnet to draw very funny people towards myself as I trust easily whatever other person tells about himself.. It wasted a lot of time from September 2019 to Feb 2020-tat time should have been used for mains by me..
Wasted 2 plus hrs yest on listening old songs after 11..could hv been avoided.. That time felt nice.. Now feeling guilty of waking up late..( reason - with whom was supposed to get married from past 2 yrs - arranged marriage-found out that she is getting married -it was arrange.. So no love etc after side effects.. But as chats and meetings was from past 2 yrs.. So got close atleast from my side.. Farewell song😁😁 from me to her -from movie Dil to pagal hai..
jispe hum mar mite.. Usa pata bhi nahi.. Kya gila hum kare..woh bewafa bhi nahi.. Humne joh sun liah.. Usne kaha bhi nahi..
Today-
Science - 3 hrs
Ancient India-2 hrs
Optional - 4 hrs
Hindi-1 video lecture
People say hard work need efforts.. But it seems consistency need more efforts..its good to have friends..but when friends become distraction from goal.. Its better to keep journey alone.. Ghosting as one may call it.. Then there r days when one may miss being with friends..especially those who r not preparing for upsc.. Most of them r married... Have kids etc.. And here we r still struggling to settle down..
Will the path we chose will be having a happy ending or not.. What we can just do is as sergieramos tells is should be one with self-improvement wrt studies..as at the end of day its all about whether we gave our best.. Did we tried out best for self-improvement..
Aim high and shoot for the stars.. Even if we miss stars.. We will land on moon.. On moon topic - does anyone remember days when people in India were buying land on moon.. And from Bollywood celebrities to common man; many have bought land on moon.. Then as upsc aspirant.. One recalls outer space treaty 1967..😂
Also will try to write more on notebook than reading alone
Ahh the joy or dilemma of waking up early.. With new targets to achieve.. With all the uncertainty due to covid; the fear of charting the uncertain territory ; where no fixed definite path is there..
6.00 - 7.40 - science..
8.10- 9-newspaper
9.15-11.15 - optional
11.30-1.30-optional
2-3.30-sleep
4-7- science
7.40-9.-hindi
Also need to go to market as weekend lockdown in Delhi now.. Our beloved Cm.. When he says lockdown not needed.. 2 days later night curfew comes.. When he says delhi not need lockdown unless health system collapses.. Again 2 days later lockdown over weekend comes..
And here i was planning to restart gym-which I left after mains result ( just went from Feb and March 2021).. Atleast saved on gym charges by not joining 2-3 days back.. In Delhi.. One hardly sees any mask atleast in the area where I live.. Social distancing is nowhere adhered with ; in the weekly vegetable market.. Or near by areas.. Children comes by 6 am to play cricket in Park opposite my place.. And again gather at 5.30 pm..Even a nearby religious place has started hanging big banners over their plans of gathering planned for 25th April.. As one of their baba / guruji will come for delivering sermons..
And then there are my fellow aspirants like trivandrumrajdhani struggling with covid among their family members..whom we wish luck from our sincere thoughts.. And just hope that they and their family members ride this tide successfully..
Ohh this covid..the lovely covid.. And then I see the number of covid cases in China.. May be currently the safest place against the covid..
Its not covid which brings fears.. Its the uncertainty.. Of when what and how much.. When it might hit us or our family members.. What will be its impact on our jobs; our parents businesses; and how much time will it take for us to be normal to this new normal again..
The normal of virtual classes.. The normal of being living alone with limited face to face interactions; the normal of writing tests from home.. The new normal of being able to recognise people from their eyes alone ( masks on)..
New day and a new week start.. Hope to make this week more productive.. Was slow over past 2 days.. Understanding science from text book in pdf form becomes little challenging..
8 am - 10 am. - g's science remaining chapters of physics of 9th class..
10.15-12.15- optional
12.30 - 1.30- hindi 1 video lecture..
3.30 - 5.30- g's science 10th class
6.00-8 gs science - 10th class..
Hoping to finish this science portion today.. Already took very long..
Also will keep aside what to read tom morning tonight itself..
Needed is - to keep making notes of optional and practise hindi writing..
Here repeats the history of postponement of upsc.. The question of which date.. with all the permutations and combinations at work..student work should be just study and give exam.. And here we are calculating and researching available slots for upsc exam..
The fight of patience.. For few the joy of postponement.. For others the struggle to go for few more days.. For some changing of schedules and targets..
Was it a policy failure or complacency on the part of public.. Who knows and who cares.. Opening of vaccination for above 18years is a welcome move.. But do we have enough vaccines for even 60 percent of adult population of India.. Pharma sector being allowed to sell 50 percent stock directly to private hospitals and states... With curbs from USA..what will be the production level be..vaccine manufacturer moderna firm not interested to come to India.. Phizer won't come without indemnity bond.. Johnson and Johnson 1 shot vaccine has run into its own controversies.. Also 1 shot jab is more effective in those who have already recovered from covid earlier..
To me it seems.. Its just the way of higher ups to wash their hands from the mess their policy formulation has created.. The way politics was played over farmers protest.. The way health infra was neglected..the way no restrictions were imposed on festivals in last 1 month.. The way rallies in Bengal made it seem that everything being good.. The way railways was flocked by unnecessary travels..
And here we are contemplating the exam dates again like last year.. Memories of going through torture of writing mains in chilling weather of North.. Again planning to plead with autorickshaw outside upsc centres to take us back to our place after exams..also waiting outside Karol bagh metro station for autorikshaws and cabs in the fog..
On the positive side.. Masks has come off in israel.. Last month they had a very high case load.. They went ahead with vaccination drive for all adults by buying from phizer.. Also another good news is our neighbour Bhutan has remained safe.. So may b upsc can allow examination centres in Bhutan this time..
All hail covid !
Biggest mistake in 2020.. was not devoted enough time for note making.. Made notes of g's for mains after pt.. Took until Dec end.. And it was too late..
So will rectify this mistake this time..
Still trying to juggle between 3 subjects vs 1 subject per day.. Monotonous it becomes with 1 subject.. With not able to buy printed 365 and all.. It becomes hectic to read on laptop.. Ek day ke liyeh delhi khol dete.. Toh orn ho aata..
Will update in night.. What achieved today.. As realised no point in deciding in morning targets as remain unachieved by night..
So will update twice daily over here..
Biggest mistake in 2020.. was not devoted enough time for note making.. Made notes of g's for mains after pt.. Took until Dec end.. And it was too late..
So will rectify this mistake this time..
Still trying to juggle between 3 subjects vs 1 subject per day.. Monotonous it becomes with 1 subject.. With not able to buy printed 365 and all.. It becomes hectic to read on laptop.. Ek day ke liyeh delhi khol dete.. Toh orn ho aata..
Will update in night.. What achieved today.. As realised no point in deciding in morning targets as remain unachieved by night..
So will update twice daily over here..
So achieved till now - newspaper.. Black fungus etc.. Medieval India - done advent of turks ; Delhi sultanate ;regional dynasties ; mughal till sur dynasty..
Still will pull up few more hrs.. As slept for some time in afternoon.. And wasted 1 hr in getting fried paneer momos in lockdown...Weather was cloudy...
Note making half done.. Writing on top of pages.. Will see if can consolidate in notes or on book itself enough.. As only in pt.. But art and culture 50 marks in mains costed me.. Imagine 1st question of art related.. And me bluffing for full 2 pages... What an impression it must left..
And studying alone sucks.. Libraries here closed.. Even might hv paid some guy to study at my place with food..if could hv found civil service guy..
One of my civil service friend.. Lived on ground floor with his family.. died of covid on ashtami (1 day before navratri.. Was 24 yrs) .. So alone study now..
Still unable to use effectively 10 am to 1 pm
