There is something that has been bothering me for a while & I think I should put it down in words.
I’ve been abysmally low for the last few days. Some personal messages on this forum that were trying to ‘help’ me triggered this bout of sadness.
I tried to be as honest with myself as I could when I was judging my day’s work. This seems to have given some people the idea that they too can be honest with me about their observations about me. I have complete information about myself. You don’t. You’ve no idea about all the shit I’ve been through. You’ve no idea how long I’ve been in this game. You’ve no idea that sometimes in life, you just can’t help but wait for things to get better. So, however good-intentioned your advice & suggestions & observations are, you are tone-deaf and you’ve ended up hurting me deeply. I can defend myself on most of the criticisms (some of them might have been correct too & totally valid) but I won’t. I was here for my own good.
I don’t know if I’ll continue to post here. If I do start posting, just remember my inbox isn’t open to strangers.
All the people on this thread, you all have been amazing.
lol
EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWNIts been three months now and I havent been in the best of my form academically, which is also affecting me mentally now. Something or the other kept coming up - Second wave, negativity all around, uncertainity about exam, personal issues at home and so on. I thought this phase will end soon. But three months later, I am back where I was . Life has come full circle . I was in a similar boat last year and it took a lot of time to get over this rut, which ended up accounting for my poor performance in prelims. And now, even after UPSC gave us 4 more months, I haven't been able to do anything concrete. It scares me now. The fact that perhaps 2020 will repeat itself in 2021. Can't afford to waste one more year. And somehow , even if I do end up wasting this year, I am so sure that I'll be at the exact same place in 2022 as well.And the worst part is, that no one forced me to prepare for it. You hear people who say that UPSC was my childhood dream; well I am that person. Every decision that I have taken in my life till now, has revolved around me getting closer to this dream of mine. Got a very good placement offer in college which I happily didnt accept because I never ever ever wanted to go down that road. And I can proudly say that I dont regret that decision even a bit. I wanted to focus full power to make my dream a reality. But today it feels that maybe dreams are only meant to be dreams. I was always, always a good student. A mischevious kid who would always outshine the nerds of the class. But who cares about it now??? Where did all of it go when it really matters??Is this the end? Is this my destiny?? A failure?? My parents have done so so much for me even when I was in the lowest phase of my life. They have always stood by me as a rock. I see my friends being taunted by their parents to get a job, be independent, get married and stuff, but my parents never ever made me feel that. Never forced me to study. Never forced me to do something that I dont want to. It feels soo sad to think oof the fact that I am not able to make them proud. This is not just my dream, it is theirs too and I am failing them everyday. Its not a race against others anymore, it's a struggle to better my own self every single day, but maybe I dont have it in me.
Chill. If you are quantifying with no. of hours of study. Leave that.
May be follow any test series schedule. prepare and write test. This would ensure atleast you move an inch if not a big step. Studying without targets often leads to this. Study multiple subjects so that even if you able to cover even subject properly, you would feel good. If 5:00 pm is deadline leave that subject and cover other subject.
Niche wala para of yours is basically emotional shit. 90% of people from DU/JNU are like this only. Unhe kahin job bhi nhi milega. LOL. Childhood dream L**a La**un... No one cares about your dream or anyone else so just cribbing if you want to.
Parents economically sound hai toh chill krro why to take a job. May be jinke taunt krr rhe hai unke nhi honge. Be honest to yourself. Parents ko tumahre personal success se proud hona pade, I believe kisi ke parents itne selfish nhi hote. CHILL KRRO. Society has made IAS as trophy of reco, nothing else. If you get it, you get it, does not matter you deserve it or not. Esp in this random exam whose keys not even toppers have.
Chill. If you are quantifying with no. of hours of study. Leave that.
May be follow any test series schedule. prepare and write test. This would ensure atleast you move an inch if not a big step. Studying without targets often leads to this. Study multiple subjects so that even if you able to cover even subject properly, you would feel good. If 5:00 pm is deadline leave that subject and cover other subject.
Niche wala para of yours is basically emotional shit. 90% of people from DU/JNU are like this only. Unhe kahin job bhi nhi milega. LOL. Childhood dream L**a La**un... No one cares about your dream or anyone else so just cribbing if you want to.
Parents economically sound hai toh chill krro why to take a job. May be jinke taunt krr rhe hai unke nhi honge. Be honest to yourself. Parents ko tumahre personal success se proud hona pade, I believe kisi ke parents itne selfish nhi hote. CHILL KRRO. Society has made IAS as trophy of reco, nothing else. If you get it, you get it, does not matter you deserve it or not. Esp in this random exam whose keys not even toppers have.
I don't want to bring any negativity on this lovely thread, but I just want to request you to consider being more empathetic here. People are going through very difficult times and we don't know what their struggles are. Even if you are not able to empathise with someone's pain or distress, please consider not disparaging it so rudely. It may really hurt someone - I'm sure you don't want to do that, especially when we don't know what they are already going through.
There are scores of online places where people can go and share their thoughts, but very few where they can share their feelings and struggles. There are many places where we can go say something and make ourselves feel smarter, but very few where we can say something to make ourselves feel less lonely and encouraged. Please don't say "emotional shit" when someone does that. Things like this may discourage people from being open and drive them away from here.
Many eople before you and me have shared very personal experiences and feelings about this exam and life, and contributed to making it the supportive, kind place it is. Just out of generosity and empathy. Even if you don't like it, please consider respecting the achievement that it is. All the best to you.
So you decide whose comment is encouraging and whose discouraging? LOL. How you are more empathetic and me lesser. May be your interpretation of my statement were less empathetic, may be you lack empathy! Is it so ?
Chill. If you are quantifying with no. of hours of study. Leave that.
May be follow any test series schedule. prepare and write test. This would ensure atleast you move an inch if not a big step. Studying without targets often leads to this. Study multiple subjects so that even if you able to cover even subject properly, you would feel good. If 5:00 pm is deadline leave that subject and cover other subject.
Niche wala para of yours is basically emotional shit. 90% of people from DU/JNU are like this only. Unhe kahin job bhi nhi milega. LOL. Childhood dream L**a La**un... No one cares about your dream or anyone else so just cribbing if you want to.
Parents economically sound hai toh chill krro why to take a job. May be jinke taunt krr rhe hai unke nhi honge. Be honest to yourself. Parents ko tumahre personal success se proud hona pade, I believe kisi ke parents itne selfish nhi hote. CHILL KRRO. Society has made IAS as trophy of reco, nothing else. If you get it, you get it, does not matter you deserve it or not. Esp in this random exam whose keys not even toppers have.
Please go spread your prime toxicity on twitter. Not here! If you can't be empathetic, better stay away!
update your interpretation
EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWNIts been three months now and I havent been in the best of my form academically, which is also affecting me mentally now. Something or the other kept coming up - Second wave, negativity all around, uncertainity about exam, personal issues at home and so on. I thought this phase will end soon. But three months later, I am back where I was . Life has come full circle . I was in a similar boat last year and it took a lot of time to get over this rut, which ended up accounting for my poor performance in prelims. And now, even after UPSC gave us 4 more months, I haven't been able to do anything concrete. It scares me now. The fact that perhaps 2020 will repeat itself in 2021. Can't afford to waste one more year. And somehow , even if I do end up wasting this year, I am so sure that I'll be at the exact same place in 2022 as well.And the worst part is, that no one forced me to prepare for it. You hear people who say that UPSC was my childhood dream; well I am that person. Every decision that I have taken in my life till now, has revolved around me getting closer to this dream of mine. Got a very good placement offer in college which I happily didnt accept because I never ever ever wanted to go down that road. And I can proudly say that I dont regret that decision even a bit. I wanted to focus full power to make my dream a reality. But today it feels that maybe dreams are only meant to be dreams. I was always, always a good student. A mischevious kid who would always outshine the nerds of the class. But who cares about it now??? Where did all of it go when it really matters??Is this the end? Is this my destiny?? A failure?? My parents have done so so much for me even when I was in the lowest phase of my life. They have always stood by me as a rock. I see my friends being taunted by their parents to get a job, be independent, get married and stuff, but my parents never ever made me feel that. Never forced me to study. Never forced me to do something that I dont want to. It feels soo sad to think oof the fact that I am not able to make them proud. This is not just my dream, it is theirs too and I am failing them everyday. Its not a race against others anymore, it's a struggle to better my own self every single day, but maybe I dont have it in me.Chill. If you are quantifying with no. of hours of study. Leave that.
May be follow any test series schedule. prepare and write test. This would ensure atleast you move an inch if not a big step. Studying without targets often leads to this. Study multiple subjects so that even if you able to cover even subject properly, you would feel good. If 5:00 pm is deadline leave that subject and cover other subject.
Niche wala para of yours is basically emotional shit. 90% of people from DU/JNU are like this only. Unhe kahin job bhi nhi milega. LOL. Childhood dream L**a La**un... No one cares about your dream or anyone else so just cribbing if you want to.
Parents economically sound hai toh chill krro why to take a job. May be jinke taunt krr rhe hai unke nhi honge. Be honest to yourself. Parents ko tumahre personal success se proud hona pade, I believe kisi ke parents itne selfish nhi hote. CHILL KRRO. Society has made IAS as trophy of reco, nothing else. If you get it, you get it, does not matter you deserve it or not. Esp in this random exam whose keys not even toppers have.
Please just shut up.
That was rude. Abhi kisi ne bola, iss thread pe people are nice.
let him be!! you cant change hate with hate.. try to convince him why he is wrong,maybe he is not wrong at all or maybe he is , maybe his approach is nihilistic......Arguing in extremes will entrench his thinking.
@babu_bisleri thda empathy lao bhai....aur yeh 90% ka stat kaha se aaya, DU walo se kya dushmani hai bhai,2nd time attack kar rhe ho :'(
While I have immense respect for your opinion and I do believe that whatever you give away in the universe comes back to you in one form or the otherBUTman, I am not his therapist. He's a bully who exactly knows what he's doing and he needs to be called out for those vile words. Here it's no one's fiefdom. We all are to learn & not bully each other under the garb of toxic & disgusting 'advice.'
Bhai last kuchh comments bhi toh mujhe hi bully kar rhe hai .. alag alag angreji adjectives se. Last 2 page. Itna bhi famous nhi hona tha. LOL
Khair cant reply on everyone's outlook but make your outlook broader and interpretation more open. Mujhe toh sab me Ram dikhte hai. Sabko human ki tarah treat karta rather Toxic and some other adjective. Apna nazariya badaliye. Desh badlega.
@HeNeArKr replying to you : Bhai 90% might be a crude data but spot on, from what I have researched and not targetting any particular college or university and esp not based on ranking and 90% from any institute would be like this and here most of the crowd in GS/Optional courses, Du is just popular name. You can check any course GS or optional, your data wont be disappointed.
Looks like people got more triggered with DU rather anything else.
Khair agar koi advice maangega ya mujhe lgega toh I would comment from my knowledge and approach. Open Community is open to interpretation.
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@leftfaithinmyself Very little, central government entire focus is on elections
Best chance to delay election till 2024. Hope Central Government play real politics now. Can be a good case study for one nation one election.
