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Civil Services Mains 2020 Results: In or Out ? Way ahead, gratitude and Pain

It was my last attempt an yud I failed. I have pushed down all that pain and not felt it. I am high and it is leaking a bit through my face. I don't know what do now. I have now where to go. I need a dream and I have none. 

I don't wanna go in detail but I've lost everything during this journey. I have no where to shout except here. 

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