History optional mains 2020

Guys 

I dont know if Im so important but still I think this is one of the places to write my heart out.As I can relate to most of you reading this blog.This is a long read so buckle up!

Now Iv decided to bid goodbye to the upsc journey as a permanent aspirant.Now Ill be working in a company and giving the mba exams and wont give 21 attempt.

This was really an emotional goodbye although a very abrupt one.The upsc journey had witnessed lots of twists and turns although I couldnt clear prelims even(the even word is a misnomer.Pre stage is tough to clear except for the 10K aspirants who are bit more hardworking or ghissu types than the rest ~ 4.9 lakhs).In my 1st attempt I was newly introduced to the upsc world.I saw it as something grand I was entering into.I saw the purpose of my life in it.I suddenly became a changed person.Quit smoking,drinking (although have drunk during new years) and became a very studious person from the casual freak in college.I remember during those days how I used to feel.I felt that subjects were dropping on my head and I have to catch them! There were just so many subjects.I studied with enthu.Gave the pre.But the 2018 was a very unconventional one.Couldnt make it.I was really disheartened.As this was my 1st failure in life.It took a while to recover.I had thought that pre was just doable by doing easy ncerts and some notes thats it!I was so wrong.It needed a mature preparation with a strategy.

After the pre I studied for mains.In my hometown in Pune I didnt get proper guidance for the exam.I didnt know how to study or make notes for the mains until 2019.Studied hard for the 2019 pre.Solved many many tests.But alas as luck would have it,couldnt clear.Got 94(cut off : 98).

  Then came to Delhi and now I really came to know how to prepare for the exam and the mains.I was preparing well in Delhi but as luck would have it,corona struck the world like doomsday would.Had to move to my house.Corona and the lockdown added to a lot of mental stress to a upsc aspirant who is already overburdened with immense studies pressure.Nevertheless studied hard for the prelims and got 102.66 marks.Felt relief.Even my family members got happy when I told them Ill clear it.I started feeling confident for 15 20 days.I thought chalo life me kuch achieve to kiya hai na.Even my father looked at me in that manner!(This shows how perception of success can be so elusive).I suddenly started having a superiority complex and saw all others who didnt clear from above : p.I started day dreaming of that day when I would wear the 3 letters in front of my name with the greatest pride and honour! Then suddenly the pdf came like a storm would .Checked and saw : no match found.I was shocked but not surprised.UPSC had played its game.It had shown me that my hard work wont guarantee success.I had put my whole and sole this time.In the exam hall I panicked due to a lengthy paper and hence didnt attempt 2 known questions!The result shocked my parents but didnt surprise them like it didnt surprise me.They knew upsc had played the game.They knew only the very strongest of strong horses win the race.

I turned 25 few days before.I had to introspect.Whether to continue swimming in the ocean of uncertainty.Or to go for a certain career and save yourself.And lead a normal life.Since 3 years I was not leading a normal life for this elusive dream and cause.I decided finally that I wont depend on this exam anymore.To be an IAS or bureaucrat is a great thing no doubt.But not at the cost of your life,career,health,family relations and mental well being.It didnt make sense for me to give 1 full attempt.

So Iv decided to take a break from upsc.And lead a life of a normal civilian.Not a high and mighty ias aspirant!Chill around,hangout,party,date,relax a bit.So that I can just be what I am!

The journey has been a very enriching one.It has transformed my life completely.It has made me so aware of many things in the world.Right from Indias ancient history to biotech.I mean,who the HELL knows so much but a upsc aspirant!It has made me a padhaku person.That I will always remain throughout my life.I wont be able to SLEEP without a daily dose of KITABI stimulation,thats for sure! :p So indirectly the journey will continue till my last breath.I have nothing to lose now.I cherish those moments I lived as an aspirant.I cherish those moments when my parents showed faith that one day I will land up in lbsnaa! I thank my parents for giving me the luxury to prepare full time and enrich myself with so much knowledge,making me a purposeful citizen.Im sure I will give back to society with whatever treasure of knowledge I have and stand by the ideals of Gandhiji,Ambedkar and Bose! I will always cherish moving around in the lanes of orn,buying fruits (aloo bukhara especially) and enjoying life of an aspirant! I will always cherish having aimed for a higher cause.A cause beyond mere money,name,fame,love,luxury.A cause having a man search for meaning.A cause to make impact on society.

Take a bow,upsc.I will be coming back to you with full force after doing mba,getting a stable job.We still have 3 more encounters.One day I will become a civil servant who can live his life with full integrity.Even if I dont,I will be a much better citizen with no regrets in life!

As a sher says : 

Sitaaron se age jahaan aur bhi hai 

Mere ishk ki intehaan abhi aur bhi hai.

Hemant jha is the best for classes.He covers all the syllabus.No other classes cover so much.Plz dont join Balyan as after that youll have to study a lot on your own.For test : self study and balyan is a good option.

Please share your strategy or any input for how to prepare in optional for 1st timers. 

Thank you

Sir 

Even im getting 102.66 in all keys.I think Ill clear but upsc key has a lot of variability.We still have to strengthen mains syllabus and essay and all.No other option.