How many of you suffer from depression/negativity? - ForumIAS

How many of you suffer from depression/negativity?

jack_Sparrow,rootand8 otherslike this


Not sure ForumIAS or mental hospital.

Neyawn,Fireheartand35 otherslike this

To cope negative feelings !

Neyawn,Joeyisthebestand17 otherslike this
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@root @Neyawn Can we please ban such non-sensical idiots from the community?

@root @Neyawn can we have a “be respectful, be nice” policy like Reddit? 

These sort of comments which the user in question has been making for the past few weeks are of course irritating, gauging from the replies they have gotten, but it could be much worse. It could be doing irreparable harm to silent readers who are already going through difficult mental health phases. Given the state of awareness in our country, even such nonsensical comments can have a bad impact.

What happens is that a few of us end up replying to counter the points made. I’m sure we try to ignore it a few times and respond when it becomes unbearable at a certain point. One can always say “don’t feed the trolls, ignore them”, and that has its merits. But in this case someone has to step in because this person sometimes attacks people directly, at which point ignoring him is not a good choice. It is not pleasant for anyone to have to respond to him, but sometimes a response is necessary. If we had some moderation for this kind of stuff, this problem would be solved.

This harms not just the people the comments are directed at (though even that should be reason enough), but the peace of mind of everyone else as a whole. And that’s just speaking of mental health. The caste-baiting is a whole other issue. He brings up caste and reservation out of nowhere in a provocative manner. Surely in a country where we have laws punishing very similar utterances we need to be more careful and strict about such things. 

I am saying this because I care deeply about the wonderful people here. There are great users making a lot of valuable contribution - and some are being driven away by this kind of nonsense. If it were some ideological disagreement I would understand, but to lose the support system that forum, is just for the sake of such childish unnecessary comments, would be very sad. No one deserves to be mocked for sharing their stories, and no one deserves to have to waste their time and energy arguing with a troll. I am not asking for this just because I find it personally disagreeable, but because I think it is harming the whole of forum and its forumness.

Neyawn,AzadHindFauzand17 otherslike this
Not sure ForumIAS or mental hospital.

Har jagah chaar baat sunne ka gazab hunar hai aapke paas sahab! :D

Aurora,Darvey78and16 otherslike this
Not sure ForumIAS or mental hospital.

24% people are like me. I am so "General".

You know what, this is great. I am so happy for you that you don't have to go through what other 76% people have to go through on a daily basis. 

Probably that is why some people will never be able to fit into other people's shoes ; probably this is why mental health issues are so alien to you. 

I hope each day is a always a celebration for you. So many people here die(Metaphorically) to have one day of celebration. 

Sending u good vibes only. 

Peace ✌

Aurora,chamomileand16 otherslike this
Not sure ForumIAS or mental hospital.

You behave like a typical disgruntled RWA Uncle on Whatsapp! 

I wish you well. :)

Aurora,AzadHindFauzand15 otherslike this

I just feel bad how such a Pious Saying like Jai Shree Ram is used as a signature to spew such nonsense regularly. 

People like him, just hide behind the facade of dharma(without understanding it, obviously), and spread all their bigotry. Due to their nonsensical behaviour, the saying has gotten a bad name of sorts. It is high time such people are called out and their nonsense exposed. 

Perfect example for-- Mukh me ram bagal me chhuuri.

Transaltion- Preaching sermons of Lord Rama while Holding a Knife. :)

Aurora,AzadHindFauzand15 otherslike this
I understand where everyone’s sentiments are coming from, you all are making sense but this is a very oft-repeated story. He makes a comment that’s bound to rile people up, people try reasoning for a bit, try explaining their position and why he’s wrong. All you get in return in mostly snarky remarks and a reverse questionnaire on what he actually did wrong. 

Here I would only like to appeal to the voice of reason, please, in future threads don’t bother replying guys. Inadvertently everyone just gangs up on him (with good reason, sure) and I believe all it does is make him a victim in his own eyes. You literally don’t get anything out of making any comments on him or trying to be reasonable. 

Sometimes irrational hatred can’t be won over by reasoning alone and it’s not like you guys can do anything else about it. Banning isn’t the solution too because I personally believe we should be mature enough to tolerate this. 

I typed a whole ass paragraph for him too but then I realised why I shouldn’t. Just be Stoics in this case.
Fireheart,Villanelleand15 otherslike this
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Speak to friends/family. Go to my super special stash of quotes/poems/written stuff. Sometimes I watch episodes of shows, like parks and rec… shocking I know :p I also daydream, sometimes with spoken dialogues :p

What do you do?

Depends. When it’s just meh types days - I resort to pop culture or go for a coffee with a friend and wait for it to pass. 

When I’m really down, I need mom (so very adult of me I know). Just talking to her - like really break into an hour long conversations - solves everything. She works full time and is probably the busiest person I’ll ever know in terms the amount of work has to get done in a day, yet she’s the one who makes time for me the most :’) Talking to her puts everything into perspective. 

D503,Fireheartand15 otherslike this
Hey friends, quick question. How do you get to enjoying the small victories and celebrating your wins? I honesty can’t truly enjoy my wins however small or significant, because I’m either afraid that they wont last, or I struggle to make them feel significant for me. For a quick example: I’m not claiming to be the perfect aspirant or anything, in fact far from it, but i feel this attempt so far I’ve been pretty good with my note making/ studies in general, in two days I’m about to complete my ethics. In comparison last year, i finished my first revision of paper 4 the week before mains began (hangs head in shame) and yet I struggle to appreciate how much better positioned I am this year. Any help would be appreciated.

Don't think of it as celebrating your wins, but think of it as celebrating progress. Convince yourself that these actions (in our case studying and completing a chapter or whatever) is moving you closer to your goal. If we are convinced our actions are creating progress, then we are much more motivated to do it. There was a study done (I can't remember the exact details) where people were made to run. One group was made to run but their scenery wouldn't change so essentially they wouldn't "see" any progress while the other group that was made to run would see the scenery change so they would feel they were making some progress. The second group ran longer than the first group. I'll try to see if I can find the link to this study.

I had a massive existential voice note rant (I record the more memorable ones for later perusal) last night, where I realised that I struggle with finding purpose. I’m naturally one of those people who needs a tangible goal to work towards, a very “eyes-on-the-prize” mentality, but throughout this journey I’ve been feeling very “untethered” because these studies are so contrary to my inner wiring. I feel I’m filling my days with work, but not with purpose because somewhere in the back of my mind, I’m afraid if I search for a purpose, I won’t find anything, or realise just how futile chasing after the elusive victory is. 

I’m very tempted to delete this entire exposé, but I’m trying this thing where I push myself to accept my vulnerabilities and showcase them to the world. Being a control freak who likes to maintain the illusion of “I have everything under control. You don’t need to worry about me” this is immensely scary.

It's like looking in a mirror!

I try to convince myself that the work is the purpose. It's not just a journey of clearing the exam, but one of immense personal growth. And I am just trying to value the growth too. But easier said than done. 

And that illusion is so tempting to keep up :( I have a hard time admitting that I'm struggling because I don't want people to worry, or know that i dont have a handle on things. I feel like no matter how messy it is inside my head, if I just keep the outside in order like it's supposed to be and keep up the facade, it will get better. That's a way of feeling in control. It would be so much easier to just admit I'm lost, but no. It's half ego and half fear. I am working on this too. I hope we both succeed soon friend :)

Off late I’ve been trying to get back to my “done with deadlines on time” self, and everyday I complete my tasks I think of it as getting one step closer to my old self. One foot in front of the other, my friend :)

Maybe the point isn’t to get back to the old self. Maybe this is who you are now. Maybe once you let go of the pressure of keeping up with the image you have of your “old self” or getting back to that self, maybe you’ll see just how beautiful the present moment is. And you’ll truly appreciate the progress that you make day by day. The goal isn’t necessarily to get back to your old self, right? The goal is to constantly move forward and every day that you try, you remain committed to that goal. Of course you will win some days and lose some days. But remember that the wins take you forward, the losses cause you to stay at the same place. At the end of the day, you are still moving forward. 

On a long enough timeline, this exam can cause you to question the very idea you have of who you think you are. It’s almost impossible to find a straight answer too. The same question is likely to arise again time after time, and that’s fine too. Maybe your own insecurities are getting the better of you at this point, and you are just trying to navigate them the best way you know how. If you think about it,  that’s beautiful too. Joy can be found in the present moment, the way things are. Only the present moment is real, the past and the future exist only in our minds and are shaped purely by our perceptions. So, maybe there is no old self or present self or future self. Only self. And you need to be kind to yourself. If celebrating your wins is making you feel guilty, maybe you don’t need to celebrate them. Maybe you just need to remind yourself how thankful you are that the wins happened, and how you felt when they didn’t. Sorry for the unsolicited advice, just my two cents from my experience over the past few years. Please ignore it if any or all of it is irrelevant to you. Good luck. 

If you can’t get bread, remember that you can always have cake. Sorry, I had to :P

Fireheart,sonderand14 otherslike this

Guys we are not alone. Even JRD Tata felt very similar things. Sorry for so many comments but I think this is something that was very relevant to our discussion.


“Rekindling a spark of enthusiasm (Bombay, October 1982)”

In October 1932, twenty-eight year old J.R.D Tata had flown solo from Karachi to Bombay on a single-engined plane carrying air mail. The flight heralded the birth of his company Tata Airlines which would go on to become Air India. J.R.D. repeated the flight in October 1962 and again twenty years later, on the flight’s golden jubilee. He was, then, two years short of eighty. There was a crowd to receive him when his Leopard Moth landed in Juhu airport at the end of the last trip and he made this delightful speech—extempore—to the gathering.

It has been said at times that there are moments in life when one feels that if there was a nice big hole in front of one, one would gladly plunge into it. This is one such moment, as I have never been so embarrassed in my life as I have been this evening listening to the speeches about me.

His Excellency the Governor has been good enough to say that I am a modest man. I have usually felt that I had plenty to be modest about. And even today, in flying to Karachi and bringing back a perfectly safe aeroplane—an old lady, it is true, but one who gets on very well with her old pilot—I did not feel that I was doing anything that required great skill, courage or competence. I did not have to cross high mountains, or to battle with snowstorms or fog. On both these occasions, as also fifty years ago, the flight was a relatively simple one of merely staying the air and navigating with reasonable accuracy. There was, it is true, one difference this time. Fifty years ago, the only means I had to navigate was to look at the map, and at the ground passing below me, follow a compass and hope that I was going to end up where I intended to. Today, there was a radio to help me. I do feel with no sense of undue modesty that the compliments and congratulations showered on me are greatly in excess of my performance. But I won’t say that I didn’t enjoy hearing them, however undeserving of them I may feel and I am terribly grateful for them.

Right from childhood, I have been mad about flying and anxiously waited for the day when I would fly myself. I read about every well-known pilot from the beginnings of aviation and was enthralled by their feats. Lindbergh’s flight in 1927, in thirty-three hours across the Atlantic in a single-engined plane that was at least six years older than this one, was the kind of achievement that would merit all that has been said today.

I am a little disappointed that I have not been asked, ‘Why the hell did you do it, if it was so simple?’ In fact, I was asked that in 1962 when I did the same thing. At that time I felt—as I feel even more so today—that the birth of civil aviation and commercial aviation in India, and the growth of air transport over a period of thirty years deserved some kind of celebration. I did not think then that twenty years later, at an age approaching seventy-nine, there would either be an aeroplane for me to fly or that I would be fit to fly. So that was the reason then and so was it today.

I felt that I should do something myself to celebrate and commemorate the occasion (Golden Jubilee) and the only thing I was fit for was to fly an aeroplane.

I had also two other reasons. One was that I wanted to dedicate a gesture to those, at first in handfuls, then in hundreds and finally in thousands, the men and women who, over a period of forty-six years had helped me to build up Air-India and Indian air transport. I wanted to express in some way my gratitude and pay tribute to them and I did not know of any other way of dramatizing the event than by the personal gesture of this flight. And so to them and to Air-India who sponsored the flight and got the plane repaired, renewed, refurbished, and made flyable, I express today my very deep gratitude for the enthusiasm, for the toil and the sweat they contributed to our joint endeavour and for sharing with me the joys as well as the heartbreaks of the past fifty years.

The other reason which I think motivated me was to relive a memorable occasion of the past, something one often wants to do—for instance, one’s engagement or marriage. Some people do it by marrying more than once. But nowadays with taxes as they are, very few people can afford more than one wife. In any case, my wife might have taken a dismal view of any such thought on my part.

I also had another reason. As I got older, I felt distressed that in recent times there was a growing sense of disenchantment in our land, that the hopes, the aspirations, the enthusiasm, the zest, the joy with which freedom was received in our country some thirty-five years ago, and even before that, the achievements that we participated in, including the creation of Air-India had faded, that there was a loss of morale, a loss of belief in ourselves.

When you talk to young people today, their main worry is to get a job. I don’t blame them. It is a real worry. But also, there seems no longer to be the feeling that we can do things as well or better than others or even things that others haven’t done. So I thought that, perhaps, this flight would rekindle a spark of enthusiasm, a desire to do something for the country and for its good name, and that it would show that even in these days, when aviation is no longer an adventure but only big business, the times for pioneering are not gone. There are many other things that can be done and many things that the young of this country can do and must steel themselves to doing, however difficult, however discouraging at times the environment, the conditions may be.

And so, in a small way, this flight of mine today was intended to inspire a little hope and enthusiasm in the younger people of our country. I want them to feel, those who are today at a stage of their life I was at in 1932 (fifty years ago), that when they are seventy-eight—and I hope they all will live at least to seventy-eight—they will feel like I do, that despite all the difficulties, all the frustrations, there is a joy in having done something as well as you could and better than others thought you could. I thank you all for your presence.

Just_restless,KatnissEverdeenand13 otherslike this

Diagnosed with clinical depression and taking SSRIs since 2018. I hope none of you has to go through this. 

Jo sajjan ridicule kar rahe, ishwar se prarthna hai aapko sad-buddhi de. 🙏

Aurora,Just_restlessand13 otherslike this

I had thought there will be a discussion on mental illness and how to cope with it after this poll. But, saw how one element can change the entire discourse.

Anyway, for 26% (13% + 13%) who have chosen top-2 options, you have all my wishes. May you fight and come back stronger. Lots of hugs. :)

Joeyisthebest,Auroraand12 otherslike this
@DeekshitaP congrats on the great going :D

There are two reasons studying well and getting things done is significant. One is if course that it takes us closer to our goal and we get closer and closer everyday to clearing the exam. The other is that it is something we have accomplished, and a mark of how much we have grown (knowing that our days weren't always so productive earlier). That's two reasons to celebrate the wins.

Now on the first reason, we may not be able to celebrate it as much when we look at how much others are doing, or how much there is still left to do. Because when we view it from the lens of the exam, of course it's going to feel competitive and of course that spoils things. BUT on the second reason, that win isoursand no one gets to take it away! We planned to do something, knowing we might fail, and we DID IT. We achieved something that could easily have been not achieved. Irrespective of how others are doing, or how much we might do tomorrow, that one day of work is worth celebrating. Each day is valuable and not celebrating the good days would be unfair to them :p

Some ways that help me remember this:

1. Making our wins obvious somewhere except our own heads, so we can SEE them. Literally. What I do is write my plan for a few days on my whiteboard, and every night strike out what I've done. The joy of striking it off, oooof. And after a few days, looking at the board with most or everything struck off makes me ridiculously happy. It's a silly thing but having a visual confirmation might help. Or even better, tell someone about it. Tell someone, who will care and hype you up, that you had planned this, and thought it would be hard to follow through for such and such reasons, but then you managed to actually do this. Or write it down somewhere. (A combination of both is the daily thread!) It makes it seem more real. 

2. We also need to remember that everyone struggles with following through on their plans, barring some superhumans. We see this right here on forum, and everywhere else. So that's normal. It's important to remember what normal is, so that we can appreciate when we do something remarkable. Our brains make remarkable things seem normal right after we achieve them. You finish something, feel good for a sec, and then your brain is like "so what? This is what everyone does". But it's not! Achieving goals, any goal, is special. We can't let that baseline shift. Plus this also helps us forgive ourselves when we don't achieve them and lets us keep going. 

I do thing celebrating the wins is a habit. So it does come more easily once we get used to it. The other thing you mentioned - the fear of it not lasting - is a legitimate fear and i don't know how to deal with it except letting time soothe it (and it does). But the feeling significant thing, hell yeah we can do that :D

Just_restless,Villanelleand11 otherslike this
Friends I just changed my username, do not be alarmed I’m not a victim of identity theft.

Yes, 'cause identity theft is not a joke! Millions of families suffer every year!

EDIT: Just to clarify this is a The Office reference. I'm not that unhinged (usually). 

Caesar,KatnissEverdeenand11 otherslike this
Friends I just changed my username, do not be alarmed I’m not a victim of identity theft.
Villanelle,BurtMacklin_FBIand10 otherslike this

Buddhist concept of dukkha... 🥲🥲

Aurora,ArchAngel96and10 otherslike this
Not sure ForumIAS or mental hospital.

I read it in his voice and tone. Couldn’t get better 😂😂😂

Aurora,Just_restlessand10 otherslike this

Everyone, how about we share the things that make the days we feel down, a little bit better? 


Aurora,Just_restlessand10 otherslike this
Hey friends, quick question. How do you get to enjoying the small victories and celebrating your wins? I honesty can’t truly enjoy my wins however small or significant, because I’m either afraid that they wont last, or I struggle to make them feel significant for me. For a quick example: I’m not claiming to be the perfect aspirant or anything, in fact far from it, but i feel this attempt so far I’ve been pretty good with my note making/ studies in general, in two days I’m about to complete my ethics. In comparison last year, i finished my first revision of paper 4 the week before mains began (hangs head in shame) and yet I struggle to appreciate how much better positioned I am this year. Any help would be appreciated.

I cannot enjoy small victories or relish my achievements regarding completion of the syllabus as such. I always feel lacking. 

Somehow, I always end up finding someone who has done better work than me. 

I guess I'm similarly placed as you here. Unable to appreciate ourselves! :D

Villanelle,KingSlayer23and9 otherslike this
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