Jaane kyu
Kbhi esa maan hua h ki duniya fook du? Like ekdum aag lga du?
E bhai!! Asli m nahi... Dange nahi krne h yr.. Dange control krne h hopefully..
But last month se mera maan kr raha h ki m esa krdu...
Guess what kal mere ex ka interview h upsc ka... Wah wah...
Itna roi hu m kal kya btaun...
I wanted to be der where he is...
And why the hell am I not there...
Maan kia ki bhagwan us kut.. Ka bhi na ho..
But 1 badi mast baar h pyaar ki.. Gali dete time bhi dusre ka bura nahi soch skte...
But o God..
Have I sulked...
Pure 2 din se muh fulla k ghum ri hu..
Ankhon m ansu, dil mein tees air hotto pe chuppi.. Yeh hi mera gehna bn gya h..
To be honest...
I just had 1 dream...
MUJHE LBSNAA JANA H.. 1BAAR ANDAR..
Aur maje ki baat yeh h... Ki m nahi jaa skti kyunki i beleived on a moron who left me mid way..
Kissa bot purana h...
Kbhi aur btaungi...
Bs uske liye yeh hi acha rahega ki kbhi samne na aae warna mahishasurmardini bnkr mene chaati pr chad jana hai..
Aur uske baad to mera bhagwaan bhi ni bacha skta agle ko..
Kayi log hote h jinse apko hate hoti h.. Mujhe afsos h..
Bcoz I lost 1 precious year of my life..
Kaha shuru hui thi kaha pahunch gyi..
Haan.. Upsc interview...
Mast baat btati hu...
Kbhi kbhi hum logon ko maaf kr dete h shyd yeh sochkr ki isse mera kya jata h..
But dost jb sapna toot jata h na... To uska dard... Ese lgta h roj mental periods ho rahe ho...
My dad came to me last night & said u should try again for attempt,...
Unko kese btaun ki mene socha tha ab tk m life settle kr lungi.. Ki ab tk meri suffering khatam hone ka wait tha mujhe..
But wo hua nahi...
Log bolte hai mera taste bot acha hai... Pr mujhe lgta hai i hv the worst taste in men...
1 jisko meri kadar ni aai
Dusra jisko apni selfishness aur paisa mujhse pyaara tha...
Mene jo kr skti thi dono k liye kia..
But end m pta h kya hua....
M hu yaha akeli..
Aur 1 ka interview hai
Dusra raja babu bnkr baitha hai
Waqt kehte hai sbka ata hai...
Mujhe lgta nahi hai...
Mujhe lgta h sandeep bhaiya ka ehsaas sirf emotional qoutient k liye tha...
Kyu asal jeewan m sb bas abhilash hi hote h...
Akad, gussa, selfishness aur ambition.. Bure nahi h... Bs sahi admi k sath nahi dikha skte aap...
Kyunki waqt sbka ata hai...
AIR Rank aae na aae lekin jeewan sbko mauka to dega...
Koi irada nahi tha likhne ka to agr apko nahi acha lga to maafi...
Aur agr kuch kehna hai to I'm all ears..
sense of faternity in this post, it helps to ease the suffering when you ( i in this case) can relate to such suffering and realise i am not alone.
for the past few weeks ( may be exam pressure and what not ) the other pains have started to surface ( i am calling it 'mind games' ) for this reason i have concluded my mind's a sucker for pain. dont know par mind ko alag he fun ata hai ye sara trauma replay karnae mai. maybe because the pain is constant and predictable, when everything seems dynamic and unpredictable.
but the pain roots from past and binds us to past, whereas we need to plan for future and execute in the present.
anyway, trying to repress such thoughts and memories, exam inches closer. intellectual discouse is easy but practice is 'ahhh ye dard'
MagnetWalker,@Qurafaat dard, ansu, khoon sbka rang sbke liye same hota h..They dnt differentiate..I can relate to how you feel because I started having panic attacks when I was preparing for 2020 attempt...Sometimes 3 times a day..That nudged me to seek medical help..And i would like to tell you what my Dr says to me -Agle 10saal baad isse farak nahi padega lekin agr bp ya heart ka disease lg gya to kuch ni bachega...Jinda rehna jyada jaruri h dost...Agr jioge to kbhi na kbhi ladne k liye fir khade ho jaoge
You know what,.. panic attack and anxiety.. Is so much engrained in this preparation that we only thought about negatives.. I am learning to control these emotions.. Like i am constantly asking to my self whenever I feel anxiety or pressure that " ki mai is preparation se apni life achhi bnane aaya hu na ki bad se badatar ..
Aur ye moment jo abhi itna hard hai kya ye last month exist krta tha aur kya ye next month exist karega, ofcourse not..
Change is necessary, constant, and desirable..
We are living in a damn shitty materialistic world where everyone is emotionally flunked and morality corrupt.. They all are waiting for just one chance to show their cunningness..
But no one will think in long run that life is a big ocean .. Whatever you give you will definitely get in enlarged form..
So ek quotr apke liye@unacheivednirvana..
"When you don't put the weight of the past on to the present moment, then every moment can feel brand new and incredible."
Cease the day my friend, cease the day.. 🙂
Atleast mahine me ek article likhte raho..
MagnetWalker,Thankyou for writing this.
@unacheivednirvana You are not alone.
unacheivednirvana,SpartanSKV
A message for you @unacheivednirvana
I will never know your struggles personally but I assure you, we all are in this together.
To everyone who has been through unspoken tragedies,
I believe you.
To everyone who sits quietly in the back of a room while everyone else is enjoying,
I see you.
To everyone who cries when the world is asleep,
I hear you.
To everyone who is going through pain,
I feel you.
To everyone who is reading this,
You are not alone.
It isn't your fault.
You are not weak for crying.
You matter.
You do deserve love and happiness.
You can do it.
You are beautiful inside and out just the way you are.
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