Still numb and can't focus on anything. This was my first mains in my second attempt. I was getting good marks and good ranks in the mocks that I gave for GS and Essays. Optional was also good, though didn't give much mocks for it. This feeling of failure is affecting almost all aspect of my life- my relationships with my family members, my own mental equilibrium is getting worse. Getting angry on petty issues. Worried about what went wrong with me more than what went wrong in mains. A quick background- a topper throughout my life, from school days, to coaching, to college. Cleared almost all exams, I sat for in a go. From a few years, I lost that confidence. Whenever I look back, I doubt if I am the same who was a few years ago. I used to be the most cheerful guy among my friends. Now, everything looks gloomy. Don't even know whom to talk to, left every social media for this exam. A deep sense of loneliness is spiraling me into intense mood swings.
Was trying to explore meditation to see if it can be helpful. But looks like every renowned sources are paid, except Vipassana which takes time instead of money. I would be very grateful for any help with techniques to cope up with this sense of dejection and loneliness. Sorry to intrude into a otherwise healthy thread discussing what went wrong with words resonating negativity and hopelessness.
Hey, you asked for some techniques to cope up with the sense of dejection and loneliness. Dejection is being in a sad and depressed state; loneliness is sadness due to absence of friends or company. Technique means a way of carrying out a particular task.
There are two ways- 1) treat the symptoms [in your case- treat loneliness and dejection] 2) treat the cause.
Forum is a wonderful community and your family[your mom, dad, siblings] has still some selfless love to give to you. Technique- You can remove loneliness by having some cyberspace company or friends or be with your family but then your "worsened mental equilibrium" will again produce bad reactions [anger on petty issues, etc]. Many other techniques. Then dejection, similarly many other techniques. I can google them and there would be links after links for pages.
But they are just symptoms.
Your inquisitiveness has led you to the right place. Two factors remain. Money vs time. But you want to "invest" neither. I learnt the technique of Vipassana but I cannot give it to you. Why? - [1] It will have to be given through this medium over cyberspace and it limits my capabilities to communicate. You live with your family and don't understand them and get angry on petty issues, how will you understand a stranger in whom you have no faith because there is no rapport. [2] Another reason- the technique is so vast, bigger than an ocean and I myself have received just a drop and I am not perfect so I am still trying to digest than one drop.
2021 was my first attempt. I am grateful and so happy that I failed in prelims. You see, I had tried all the "techniques" in the book, you name it. I read books after books on these "techniques". They are great in their place but there is a missing link. That link is Vipassana.
I wanted to learn it since my 2nd year at IITK but it was not to be. If I had 40 days to prelims and I had to decide how to "invest" this time, I'd give 10 days to myself and 30 to the exam. You have 72 :)
If I had 30 days same investment, 20 days same. Any day, any circumstance, I'd make the same choice of investment.
