@GaryVee Good luck with the your next step in life!
@LetsGetThisBread Your comments on various threads have been extremely insightful. Hope you nail the next attempt if you plan on giving it or find happiness elsewhere. Best wishes!
Did not do justice to GS last year due to poor recollection. This year created short notes, wrote tests. Revised short notes before every simulation. Revised them before the actual papers. Dipin sir had good words to say this year about me throughout the course which made me feel really good before the papers. In one of the lectures he acknowledged me in class. I made the video of it in my phone camera and used to listen to it everytime I felt low. Being an online student, it was my form of social connect. It helped me stay calm and be confident. I had much better MGP scores this year than 2022.
Made blunders in essay last year (82), joined a crash course this year. Then wrote essay tests to find myself in the Top 10 rankers. The actual essay paper went pretty well. I was particularly happy with my introductions and arguments.
Got 256 in Optional last year and had a very similar attempt this year (Add the extra short notes I made apart from basic intro-conclusion templates which were there from last year; Also had more map entries in Paper 2 than last year i.e. Knew 5 last year, this year 9 (Geography Opt); Much broader and elaborate use of case studies this time)
I was very satisfied with my attempt this time.
I hardly told anyone that I expect to clear. But deep down I was very confident of getting an interview call even in the worst case (Optional getting butchered)
The 0 of 0 and No results found have cut me deep. Never have I been so broken in life than this time. My housing society had its cricket tournament the day after the results. Because I had already committed and had paid the contribution I did not back out after the results. For the first time in my life, I was thinking of something else while playing cricket. For the first time I was sad while holding a bat. Dropped a few catches as well as I was not switched on. My mind kept showing me the pdf.
This exam has taken a huge toll on me. I kept on believing that this was my year. Through all the lows, Through the borderline Prelims score. Through the tough days. Through every morning where I felt I could not do more I kept going.
This one's gonna prick for a really long time. Who says time takes care of things.
What's the point of buying autobiographies of civil servants and reading them if I cannot even clear Mains. Nothing seems to make sense right now.
3 years gone in the bin.
@dravidpujara This is so relatable. I started full-time preparation in 2021. Before that during masters used to watch topper talks, which book to read etc etc.... Even read quite a bit of NCERTS, Laxmikant and Spectrum. I remember that optimistic version of myself, atleast he could watch a movie in one sitting without UPSC failures nagging him in the head.
Life has taken a full downturn, since May 2022... I have developed a chronic illness, failed prelims, two grandparents passed away whom I was extremely to (one of them from Cancer), another grandparent who stays with us has become bedridden, from taking their care mom has developed health issues and mental stress. Dad who lives in another end of the country cannot even retire and get a necessary surgery done peacefully as he is still the only source of income. And yes passed prelims 2023, wrote mains and got my heartbroken again last week... Add to that trauma comes the mains failure. Was hoping to get an interview call at the very least, but that's life I guess... Never goes according to plan.
Somedays I just sit and wonder how things would have turned out differently if I had decided to pursue a PhD in India or abroad. For the record I had a double digit rank in JRF NET. Could have also attended a few interviews based on my GATE score, which I chose not to because 'UPSC is life' syndrome. Now I sit close to 3 years into this preparation, unemployed with mental and physical health in the gutters.
What are my future plans? Probably give other competitive exams preferably banking due to quick process. Failed two other mains due to UPSC prep coming in the way, so I should be able to able to pull it off if I give adequate time. Will join some quant and reasoning classes starting tomorrow. Next attempt for UPSC only if no other exams that are doable show up near the prelims date.
Had written an incoherent rant on the exam, but not posting it. It doesn't matter what I think about the process, need to move on. Also dissecting what went wrong seems pointless without the marksheet. I used to always see the post mains result thread here and think "Hey, this guy would have missed something that others did". Now having failed mains I can see that it's not always 'something missing', but just the way it is.
To end things on a positive note, as someone who has always had terrible anxiety while driving I have finally improved and learnt not panic on road. Will get my first two wheeler this week. Kinda big thing for me, hope it's the beginning of a better phase in life.
How many tests have you written at any coaching or even PYQs? It seems you have no faith in UPSC exam process itself. Barring one or two years, the quality of candidates selected has usually been fair.
It is natural to be pessimistic about the exam and the process and everything associayed with it, but it beats me how you have sustained with this pessimism for over 2-3 years that you have been on this forum.
Did you attempt 2023 mains? Or any of the mains?
Do you have close friends eho have cleared this exam, and have you been able to observe anything in them?
The quality of selected candidates is good not because the process is some kinda foolproof method. It's because the general crowd that prepares for UPSC is of much higher quality (in academic sense) than other exams. Has anyone seen any doctors trying for bank PO or SSC? Generally you don't. But in UPSC in every reading room you can find a doctor.
The quality of not selected candidates is just as good as those who are being selected. Let me list out a few people who have failed 2 or more prelims consecutively.
1) Doctor - this year he scored 110+ in GS according to various answer keys but CSAT got him. Always used to outscore me in mocks by some distance of 10-20 marks.
2) Batchmate 1 - From one of the Indian institutes, always used to be the studious guy and extremely hard-working 9 pointer. Cleared SSC Tier 1 this year without prep.
3) Batchmate 2- Again Indian institute, 9 pointer, much better vocabulary and CSAT abilities than me.
4) Engineer - Best college in the state and batch topper. Cleared SSC prelims this year without any prep.
5) Batchmate 3- Maths major, extremely brilliant guy, we used to discuss answers together and score similar in mocks.
Next let me list out a few who couldn't clear prelims despite going till interview/mains in previous attempts.
1) Someone who is currently working as an assistant professor in a govt college
2) Someone who dropped out of a good PhD program and decided to pursue UPSC
3) A mentor- who is graduate of the best engineering college in state and resigned a job from PSU for UPSC prep. Two of his students will be attending interview this year. Someone who missed the final cut off by 5 marks in previous attempt.
Why I listed them out? Just to show how tough it is. These people aren't here to fool around, messing up their careers. A lot of bright minds are competing for the same thing. The bogus number of serious aspirants being only 20-30,000 is peddled by coaching institutes to keep people in the cycle. The real figure must be in lakhs.
Another case in point is a friend who is appearing for his 2nd interview this year. 2 attempts, 2 interviews absolutely stellar UPSC record. But do you know what the interesting part is? This guy swore that his optional went down the drain, even worse than last year when he was much more ill prepared, wasn't expecting an interview call at all. Rang me up one week after mains to know my experience with PSIR. Now he has changed his optional to PSIR, is attending classes for the same and will be giving interview simultaneously. Just shows even the guys who give topper talks are just as clueless as the guys who have not cleared mains/interview.
And if consistent improvement was possible atleast 50% of the selected candidates would be those who are already in service or those who have gone till interview in previous attempts, but that's not the case.
To add optional is the worst part of this exam. Not only does it increase the randomness in an already subjective exam but also takes 6 months to an year of preparation which rules out the possibility/time for other exit options. What utility does an IRS officer have by mugging up zoology?
On coaching institutes:
I have taken the help of coaching institutes during this preparation and have benefited from them. While they do give a form of discipline, I don't think it is a necessity if you have a good mentor/guidance. The advice of coaching industry at large is not of much value, but you will find good mentors. I have got much valuable insights (especially w.r.t prelims) from 15 mins talk with them than these 4 hour topper gyan videos. Even if you don't clear the mains/prelims this year do try to stay in touch with them. If you're committed to prep, they will stay in touch even if you don't join their paid programs. And because of coaching I got a decent sized peer group as well.
Last year I had written prelims open mocks of Shankar, Vajiram, ForumIAS, Unacademy, Raus and Vision Abhyas + countless other coachings in my city. I repeat none of them were even remotely close to the prelims paper that we got in 2023. None had the question distribution with 40 odd pair only questions or the reason- assertion type ones. So please don't just put words of coaching institutes being all knowing mighty beings.
These are the same institutes who can't even prepare an accurate prelims answer key with all their resources and stalwart faculties, the same one who tell that prelims 2023 was doable/predictable.
When it comes to mains again there are generic remarks that every single coaching institute/mentor will suggest like breaking down a question into intro body/conclusion, generating max dimensions, value addition using judgements, quotes, better presentation etc. Right here, right now the doubt just went on handwriting a shot in the dark. Now the poor soul might start second guessing his fairly legible handwriting.
As @GaneshGaitonde had said there are vested interests in this field to keep people in the preparation, read profit. You will definitely find good individual mentors though. Unfortunately the lengthy exam cycle has made it possible for new courses to be kept rolling out without giving much space for people to rethink their life priorities.
And no one is doubting the integrity of UPSC as institution. One of the few bodies in the country who releases a calendar, conducts exams on time and has no credible allegations of backdoor entry or other corruption. What I wanted to point out that a lot of times it could be due to random factors that you might not clear this exam and arbitrary nature of the process.
If this is what you truly want to do in life please by all means give all the attempts. But don't put your life on hold for that and locking yourself in a room, becoming financially dependent on parents etc.
Hope the process becomes much more shorter and mains becomes a much more objective in evaluation. Things like AI evaluation (if feasible), a six month examination cycle and removal of optionals will save a lot of pain and time for the aspirants.
End of rant. Peace
