Out, with history optional. 2nd attempt, 1st mains. Commenting for the first time here, hoping to get some perspective.
I have no idea what went wrong, i thought my exam went decently well. Use to get decent marks in tests as well.Don’t have the courage now to even step out of my room. My parents keep calling for me, trying to sympathise. But I haven’t stepped put since this morning, making some or Don’t feel like talking to anyone or get any kind of sympathies. I am out of emotions.
The problem is that i thought this would be my last attempt. If i don’t make it then that would be it. But now i am not even sure about that.
My plan B was NET and a future in academics or a business venture since luckily i have an opportunity to pursue that, but business has never been my dream. However, carrier in academics is close to my heart.
Full disclosure, my fiancée is an IAS and he feels it’s not worth it to spend more time exclusively on something which is very uncertain and subjective. He has been very supportive throughout but now he feels i should give something else a try and do this later if my heart is still in it, since i have both age and attempts in my favour. But i, as my title says, am clueless, numb and simply sad.
I don’t even know what i expect to hear from this group. Don’t know if it will help or not. I just wanted to vent. To share what i feel with someone who will empathise, not sympathise, with someone who is going through the same feeling. Maybe saying things anonymously may help.
@LetsGetThisBread thank you so much. I wish you all the best. Hope you realise your dream this year :)
@Forumite hmm.. i get your point. May be when marks come out, i will be able to understand what didn’t work. If it was due to difficult optional or due to other subjects. Because for now it’s not possible for me to decide what went wrong. Honestly i still feel i did what had to be done but clearly it was not enough.
@MachineGunJoe after a while one can definitely pursue it with other things. It is in the beginning that people require complete focus but in my opinion once a person is throughly and honestly done with the basic books and are in loop, then they can continue it with other things as well.
