Picking yourself up after failure in Civils 2023 + failure is a distraction

tedmosbysaid

I personally know some people who cleared it this year (which includes my ex who is now a good friend).

I am grateful to@Neyawn sir for his pep talk post my Mains failure and other people like@GaneshGaitonde sir on this forum for their insights. So today I have to share some learnings after the result- 

1. I realized it was my negativity that was to blame. I had blamed everything and everyone apart from myself. I was blaming the fact that I gave the exam along with full time masters, I blamed the bad hotel room I got when I went to give my Mains exam, I blamed the lack of CSE environment I had back home, I blamed the fact that I had to travel 6 hrs to my exam centre and there are many more things. 
2. "Fortune favours the brave": The person who has worked properly on their strategy will clear it despite their mental trauma. The people who really worked hard w.r.t exam, succeeded. Those who genuinely have done their actions properly, every small thing will align in their direction. You will clear Mains and get a good board and eventually, good marks. There are people like AIR2 this year who clear despite everything. 
3. I am lucky enough that my marks in Mains reduced this year. My change in score- E: 126->119 1: 82->70 2: 112->97 3: 60->80 4: 101->106 Opt 1: 96->91 2: 96->105. It was a tight slap to remind myself that mocks practice, its evaluation, PYQs and discipline is very very important. I worked a lot on my content but didn't practice. You name the book and I have done it. My strategy was flawed right from the start and I was highly deluded that I will clear it this time. I have made exceptional syllabus wise notes but I forgot it's the strategy which matters after that. All of this I am saying because my ex improved her score from 713 in '22 to 824 in '23 while pursuing a full time job. I have known her closely and I say this with experience. 
4. The ho-jayega attitude : I had this sense of achievement in my mind w.r.t my optional Mathematics. After winning gold medals and state level trophy in Maths Olympiad, I was sure that I will score 300+ without giving mocks or solving PYQs (Ah the arrogance). I blamed tonsillitis for my poor performance in Maths in Mains 22. After that, I worked extensively on 'getting the edge' and in the process, I got caught behind. Now get this- I got all my questions in Modern Algebra, Mechanics and FD etc 90% correct and made silly mistakes in 'easy' topics because I thought 'ye toh ho hi jayega'. Get this- I got all the CP&NA questions wrong this time. Maths opt people might know what kind of blunder is that. The story is same for P1. People suggested to change my opt but I exactly know my shortcomings. Changing an opt won't change my behaviour. 
5. Coming to my relationship, she broke up with me only because of my own negativity post Mains 23 results. I had no sense of emotional intelligence (self-regulation). I couldn't comprehend what happened (I studied 14-15 hrs daily drinking 3 bottles of Sting every day. I pushed myself to the brim). Still even after all of this, she chose to stay and be a good friend. I am really happy that she cleared (I wish that she gets a top 50 rank next time and finally gets IAS). Learning- EMOTIONAL MATURITY!!
6. Cry all you want but only you are responsible for your own failure. Not your luck. Not the interview board. Not your trauma. Not anything else. If you have done your karma, it will eventually work out for you. Be harsh, accept your mistakes honestly and improve. 

Now that we have our marksheet, we have got a sense of closure. The deluded phase is over and it's now time to get to work. As she said, be grateful that you failed in Mains and now you have time to improve. Think about people who cleared it by just 1 mark! They will be busy with the interview while you have the chance to prepare for Mains properly. I did exactly that I started within 3 days of my failure but I still have a long way to go. 

Those people who didn't clear and still have attempts left, be grateful to God that prelims is still 1.5 months away. You still have time to rebuild yourself and prove yourself again. 

I don't know about others but I am glad that I failed. I hope people get to learn from all of this. 

"All gods, all the heavens and all the hells are within you".