Picking yourself up after failure in Civils 2023 + failure is a distraction

GaneshGaitondesaid

tedmosbysaid

I personally know some people who cleared it this year (which includes my ex who is now a good friend).

I am grateful to@Neyawn sir for his pep talk post my Mains failure and other people like@GaneshGaitonde sir on this forum for their insights. So today I have to share some learnings after the result- 

1. I realized it was my negativity that was to blame. I had blamed everything and everyone apart from myself. I was blaming the fact that I gave the exam along with full time masters, I blamed the bad hotel room I got when I went to give my Mains exam, I blamed the lack of CSE environment I had back home, I blamed the fact that I had to travel 6 hrs to my exam centre and there are many more things. 
2. "Fortune favours the brave": The person who has worked properly on their strategy will clear it despite their mental trauma. The people who really worked hard w.r.t exam, succeeded. Those who genuinely have done their actions properly, every small thing will align in their direction. You will clear Mains and get a good board and eventually, good marks. There are people like AIR2 this year who clear despite everything. 
3. I am lucky enough that my marks in Mains reduced this year. My change in score- E: 126->119 1: 82->70 2: 112->97 3: 60->80 4: 101->106 Opt 1: 96->91 2: 96->105. It was a tight slap to remind myself that mocks practice, its evaluation, PYQs and discipline is very very important. I worked a lot on my content but didn't practice. You name the book and I have done it. My strategy was flawed right from the start and I was highly deluded that I will clear it this time. I have made exceptional syllabus wise notes but I forgot it's the strategy which matters after that. All of this I am saying because my ex improved her score from 713 in '22 to 824 in '23 while pursuing a full time job. I have known her closely and I say this with experience. 
4. The ho-jayega attitude : I had this sense of achievement in my mind w.r.t my optional Mathematics. After winning gold medals and state level trophy in Maths Olympiad, I was sure that I will score 300+ without giving mocks or solving PYQs (Ah the arrogance). I blamed tonsillitis for my poor performance in Maths in Mains 22. After that, I worked extensively on 'getting the edge' and in the process, I got caught behind. Now get this- I got all my questions in Modern Algebra, Mechanics and FD etc 90% correct and made silly mistakes in 'easy' topics because I thought 'ye toh ho hi jayega'. Get this- I got all the CP&NA questions wrong this time. Maths opt people might know what kind of blunder is that. The story is same for P1. People suggested to change my opt but I exactly know my shortcomings. Changing an opt won't change my behaviour. 
5. Coming to my relationship, she broke up with me only because of my own negativity post Mains 23 results. I had no sense of emotional intelligence (self-regulation). I couldn't comprehend what happened (I studied 14-15 hrs daily drinking 3 bottles of Sting every day. I pushed myself to the brim). Still even after all of this, she chose to stay and be a good friend. I am really happy that she cleared (I wish that she gets a top 50 rank next time and finally gets IAS). (What I have done for her during Mains is a separate story altogether). Learning- EMOTIONAL MATURITY!!
6. Cry all you want but only you are responsible for your own failure. Not your luck. Not the interview board. Not your trauma. Not anything else. If you have done your karma, it will eventually work out for you. Be harsh, accept your mistakes honestly and improve. 

Now that we have our marksheet, we have got a sense of closure. The deluded phase is over and it's now time to get to work. As she said, be grateful that you failed in Mains and now you have time to improve. Think about people who cleared it by just 1 mark! They will be busy with the interview while you have the chance to prepare for Mains properly. I did exactly that I started within 3 days of my failure but I still have a long way to go. 

Those people who didn't clear and still have attempts left, be grateful to God that prelims is still 1.5 months away. You still have time to rebuild yourself and prove yourself again. 

I don't know about others but I am glad that I failed. I hope people get to learn from all of this. 

"All gods, all the heavens and all the hells are within you". 

Hello@tedmosby,it gives me immense joy that I could be of any help to you.But please don't call me sir. I don't deserve that at all. 

I just want to say one thing to you and all the DILIGENT ONES. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's good that you can see your own mistakes and thus now can improve upon them. 

I know, you're gracefully celebrating your ex getting the rank. But let's be honest, we all feel the pain when we see we couldn't make it despite making similar efforts. If you're feeling the same, it's fine! 

Finally, I would take this opportunity to write something that I wanted for all of us 

For a solid mental state, focusing on duty is the right way to go. Our goals should never be like : I will get a top rank next year. 

The goal should always be that I'll write 20 tests, I'll do this class for content improvemen etc. That's it, that's all we as humans can do. 

It gets really problematic when people proclaim such goals as "I'll get top 10 Rank this year" . I am not against such manifestations. But, I strongly believe such manifestations can have a very very negative impact on our mental health if things don't work out. Also, let's please accept that some things are beyond us. 

Hence, let's just focus on the process and not the end goal of getting a top rank. Why? Because preserving our mental health is the most sacred duty. Happiness is the goal and not becoming an IAS. 

This can only happen if we become KarmaYogis. We should always chart out goals like following 

1. I will Performing the best on the prelims day irrespective of the shocks that UPSC gives 

2. Even if I fail, I will not let emotional turbulence be the reason for my prelims failure 

3. I will solve all 100 Questions mechanically. I will not celebrate when I look at at an easy question and  I will not be dejected at a tough one. Solve the paper mechanically like a machine 

4. I will apply all tricks/logics in those 2 hours. 

5. I will fight till the clock rings 4:30

If we check all the boxes above and still fail, we're free to blame the luck. A KarmaYogi will be proud of the effort irrespective of what the result is. 

Let us come to mains. In my opinion, here also the goals should be set keeping in mind the process

1. I will write 25 tests. I will write the same copies as topper copies 

2. I will brainstorm extensively in the three months 

3. I will revise 3 times 

4. I will improve my expression in Essay. I will prepare wonderful conclusions and Intros an sub headings 

Now, If a person focuses on above goals and still fails, Its FINE. 

The problem with setting a goal like "Main agle saal LBSNAA jaa raha hu" is that even if you don't fulfil your day's targets, You're STILL GOING TO LBSNAA in your head. There is no failure here. Your mind becomes relaxed because Main to Manifest kar chuka hu that LBSNAA jaa raha hu

But if you set a target of Revising ancient history today and that's it. Then you're bound to complete it. You've failed if you don't and you'll work to ensure you don't fail again. 

In my humble opinion, Success is an accidental outcome of some habits & processes. Success or failure should not stop us from focusing on the right thing: The process. 

Such a person is unlikely to collapse even at the face of failure for he knows he perfected the process and yet failed. He won't blame himself for he did everything right. 

Such a person is also likely to correct himself as he's totally focussed on the process and the outcome won't cloud his thinking. He will be able to find faults in the process. 

I know it's difficult but this is the only way in my opinion to become ANTI FRAGILE and become stronger with each failure. 

Even in a relationship, if you set your duties (Making sure to wish good day to your loved ones, Kissing them before you leave your home, being utmost loyal etc.) , and even if then they decide to cheat or leave you, YOU'RE NOT TO BE BLAMED. You did the right thing! And that's what matters 

This is the crux behind Atal Bihari Vajpayee's immortal lines :

Kya haar me, kya jeet me

Kinchit nahi bhaybhit main

Kartavya path par jo mila

Ye bhi sahi, wo bhi sahi

For me a KarmaYogi is a far successful person than even an anxious or end focussed Prime Minister or President. We need to get our definitions of success right. 

Also, I strongly believe that a person who didn't make in to the list this time can make an IAS, a Bollywood superstar or even the president of US JEALOUS if 10 years later, he has better family life, work life balance and mental peace. 

You must have felt this. Even though, most of us are unemployed, the passion and spark with which we speak about social & moral issues makes us a subject of envy among our corporate friends. The monetary superiority simply fades away due to the spark in our eyes. 

In short, mental peace, happiness and passion are those prized possessions that can make even the strongest, richest and most powerful people feel inferior and jealous of you. Let us focus on acquiring virtues through process oriented approach. 

 

A KarmaYogi always grows: in success and more in failure ! 

P.S : Like always, feel free to ignore if it doesn't align with your value system.