@legendaryAB same, ditto same.
Can only hope, one day, sun will shine! :)
1. Didn't depend on mocks this time. Solved only 4/5 FLTs of ForumIAS.2. Worked on PYQs.3. Tried solving more questions.4. Focussed more on basics.Btw paper was unconventional, luck might have favoured me this time.
Buddy, thanks a lot for the assistance. In fact you know, I did try the things which you have done. I didn't rely on 40-50 mocks. Just did 13. Abhyaas 5 and Simulator 8. Average in those were in 85. I was pretty confident in my preparation. Didn't go gaga over all PTs/Compilations et al. Rather worked on Indian Express Explained and The Hindu. I am happy that my planning was almost upto mark. I will give full credit to myself for that. Alas, in execution. It seems I am not able to cross the line this time too. I wish next time stars are all okay in my favour. It does pains. And I think I can get you emotions of four prelims. I wish you all success, and let you come out with flying colours. Take care. Study well. All the best for the next! :)
Folks, Shankar's Cut-off is out? Please share any screenshot or link.
Thanks buddy! With this, I believe I should move on. While we can speculate endlessly about cuttoffs and compare with multiple keys. I can only say, I am not crossing the line this year, and can get the vibes. In between 89-94. (Also, have doubts in few correct answers too and depends on UPSC's interpretation if it would go right or wrong). This, ends the hopes. Atleast can move on, and sleep. Can anyone believe couldn't sleep since Sunday night! Have repeatedly checked the Questions such that I remember all of them! :D All the very best to everyone out there! :)
This was my 5th attempt. I flunked this year. I am an IITian. Friends told me prepare for RBI SEBI more technical things which hv certainty., dont go for uncertain arts. I did not listen. I pursued. Wanted to solve crime and see people get justice. Ah!! my idealism. Bloody Crime Patrol. And here I am after 5 years, with no job, and Body mass index crossing all acceptable limits and tons of failures. Qualified pre every time but Never crossed mains barrier. People here are talking about Plan B. Brother, There is no energy left in me to pursue anything. Parents have given up hope and friends are expanding population. I am just lonely loser sitting in this one empty room.
People try to cheer me up by saying I am an inspiration for them. I know what they mean. They mean to say "Look look!! that what happens when you get overambitious." Pair utni failao jitni chadar ho jisko samajh nahi aata uska iss larke jaisa halat hota hai.
I will probably not come again ever on social media bcz then I start comparing myself . So before my last adieu I want to speak my mind. Also bcz no one knows me here and their judgement will not affect me , I am taking this route. Otherwise in real world No matter what I say , I will be judged. No one will listen ki "Maine har saal mehnat kiya tha , har saal nind sacrifice kii thi, har baar evalute and re-evaluate kiya, har saal fight kiya". No one will believe. Infact my father doesnt believe in my efforts What can I say about others. All will say You did not give your best effort. You know what, the pain of failure doesn't hurt that much. What hurts most is that people do not acknowledge your sacrifices. Power of specs has increased, face has become like a squeezed tomato , male pattern baldness has set in, social circle is non-existent since 5 years. No one even recognizes it.
And to top it, Coaching teachers have some hurtful comments. One teacher says, one who doesnt qualify is definitely not preparing and wasting his time, Second teacher says if u do not get single-double digit rank then ur efforts were useless , u shud have joined a PSU instead. Third teacher says, if u are not in till 4th attempt then quit and do something else- tumse na ho paega -its beyond your caliber. I Hear these insults and humiliations on daily basis. But still I push myself. Manate hain dil ko , push karte hain khud ko. But no one will see it, All are going to say " 5 years since college and no jobs, Nalayak larka hai. useless kid. ".
I cant even remember when was the last time I went on a vacation. I cant even imagine What is the feeling of being stress free, the feeling of being relaxed, feeling of security.
I used to believe in God. But now I think if it existed then atleast once in these years it would have heard my prayers. People say God helps those who help themselves. They say as if I was swiping faces on tinder all these years.
Sometimes I think of quitting and reducing my carbon footprint once and for all. It will be less painful than daily dose of pain I bear.I dont even know why I am posting this on social media. Maybe I am looking for one teeny tiny ray of hope. Maybe some enlightened soul can help. Maybe I want to live and enjoy like others so I am writing all my ramblings. But there seems no hope. I am living example of demographic disaster. God please help me. I wish I had someone to talk to.
Buddy, I belive, most of the members of this community will understand with what you are going through. Always I believe, pain is a personal thing, and only one who goes through tough phase can understand what it means to be in the darkest phase of life. Take care of yourself. World is full of pathetic people who will always try to push you down for SELFISH needs. And to exist we have to fight back. I can understand you have given whatever you could, and now lost everything. Don't criticize yourself. If not others, it is you, who have to LOVE yourself. Re-start again for something which you belive can make you grow. I belive even if you are at snails pace, it is all okay. The world is here to stay and so you are here to stay. If you are slow, it's okay. Take each day as a beautiful gift of life. If not CSE, try something exciting. Try your hobbies. If you like drawing, try painting. If you like writing, try blogging. If you want to expand your knowledge, go for higher education, etc. Whatever suits your conditions, go for it. Life is beautiful! What has happened, it has happened. Leave the shits in the past, and start afresh this Dussehra, killing all the demons of the past. And March again. Think from 2050 AD. Be optimistic. That's all we have in us. I know what it feels to be lonely and alone. You can write to me: legendaryab.cse@gmail.com I will be there to listen your story!. :)
