Last time i commented on Forum site was 2017, it was my 3rd attempt, but first mains. 2016 i scored 114 nd csat 65.8. by 3rd attempt i was soo stressed that i absolutely wrecked my mains even though got amazing essay marks (149, without even writing a single essay before), just didnt knw back then how to even finish papers. took 2018 off, prepared notes of each nd every topic of mains. Today i have got notes by which i can finish my optional in max 4 days. nd whole GS in a week tops. 2019 i gave exam- score 94, csat 65 something.
went for vipassana, changed whole life. for this attempt read romila thapar(from which max ques asked) nd shekhar bandyopadhya, apart from having notes of whole spectrum, geo, culture, env, nd what not- score 123 nd paper 2- 65.8 (vision key). this was my fifth attempt. was just itching that kismat ek mains likhwa de aur, i want to show what i have got, how well i can write. and now this. THis time i was sooo sure abt my score i didnt even check my paper, nd i knew ke forest ka bhi clear hoga cutoff.
After 5th attempt, i am soo tired of reading all the boring stuff again, dnt even know where to go. I have a law degree, can start practising, but feels like this years nd years of failing at margins (for last 12 years atleast), i cnt even gather strength to think what kind of signal this is. Nobody ever told me, ever that i cnt clear. at such a monumental loss of words
