What is the worst thing you can do to a child or any person as for that matter?
Don't accept them...
No matter what they do..
Same is the case with me...
From the time i remember..
I was just a fat and loud child for my mom..
Someone who didn't comform to her welms and dreams of an ideal child..
The soft spoken, petite and highly 'hanji mumaji' krne wala bacha..
Believe I have been just a fat person in my own eyes..
Because aap bahar walo se to lad skte ho but apko paida krne wale se kaise ladoge..
You know I was not suppose to eat basic makhan, butter, ghee that was normal for everyone else as I was fat...
So i did everything for her approval..
Walked, ran, drank trifla.. Did everything and more than i could..
But my life has not been that simple- i had to handle everything... My mom, my dad. my sister,my house, court cases, fights like everything that probable people do through out their life. In just some 20-25 years of my existence..
But meri maa..
She can't be satisfied...
Thanks to all this I got thyroid..
And now I am just a fat person with thyroid .. Who doesn't require love Or respect or even food...
Because she is fat and has thyroid..
And the reason- it's bad for you..
Beleive i feel even sympathy and empathy is bad for me as per her behavior..
My mom and sister question why do i love fools?
Because THEY GODDAMN ACCEPT ME AS I AM... JUST A PERSON... Fat or not that they keep to their damn self...
But naa...
At times dil krta h.. Bus uda de mujhe.. Maar jaungi to shyd inka acceptance paa jaun..
Then I wonder whether she'll aprove my way of dying or that wouldn't even satisfy her soul..
when I was in college I shaved my head bald once just for the heck of it.
The look wasn't going well on me and my father was the most harsh on me. To quote him, "You look like a Bhikari!". This was on the day of Diwali when we're supposed to learn to shut the f**k up and (try 2) be happy. Btw, maybe the fact that he was a few drinks down adds to the hurt? Well, that trauma is for my psychiatrist(lol, jk..i don't take therapy, my family is conservative in the "You should rather suffer to death than go to any doctor." Well, fast
forward to today I had to shave my head because my hairline is receding....and I'm having trouble accepting my self, because no one's said one thing about how I look but I wear a hat still, because I feel conscious, because I haven't been able to come terms with my receding hairline.
Well anyways, memories with parents are bittersweet right? Being the closest to us, it's brutal when they try to hurt us either intentionally or unintentionally, but I know that when it really matters, they're the only ones by my side and will never leave me alone.
Anyways in this clusterfu*k of emotions and what not....I can't help but remember this awesome scene everyone time I feel shitty about my family stuff...It surprisingly works too :p
[I hope the image comes after the text]
Matar panner pe focus karo...#PTisComing!
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