To be Or not to be...

Kbhi esa lga h ki tum daldal (quicksand) m fase ho? 

Ki kuch bhi krlo bs andar hi andar jaa rahe ho.. 

Ki sb bol to rahe h ki bahar aao bahar aao but koi hath ni de raha... 

Just bahar se boundary pr khade hokr sb chilla rahe hain... 

I have been recently feeling so... 

And the quicksand is last attempt of upsc... 

Himmat nahi bachi h mere andar firse is daldal k sath jhunjhne ki... 

U may call be coward, nonsense, not passionate enough... Your call... 

But all I see is a monster that ate away the best years of my life... My 20's...

Put me in depression... 

Gave me panic attacks... 

Made me so weak that i feel good for nothing... 

Log bolte h they are ordinary but this journey not even let's you be ordinary and extraordinary ki halaat kbhi bnti nahi hai... 

You see every color of every person during all these years... 

Your so called frnds, boyfriends, guides... Every damn person... 

It makes us as hard as stone... 

As salty as Dead Sea... 

Maje ki baat pta h kya... 

Dekhne m hum bahar se wese hi lgte hai.. But andar se khokhle hote jaate hai... 

You see.. 

It's more than what meets the eye... 

And everyone has their own coping machanism to deal with it... 

Some people drink and drink... Some people run away from everything.. 

Some people become commitment phobic... Some people just want sex whether it's from the maid Or a model... It's all same for them... 

What we don't seem to understand... Is the limit... 

The stop clause... The finish line... The you are done button... 

And no matter where you are in life... The uncanny hope and nonsensical Sheikh chilli ki duniya...

That if I would have been ias then I would have done this or that... 

We never seem to find satisfaction at the point where we are... 

With the people who surround us... 

With the jobs we have... 

With the relationships that come to us.. 

All we do is live in this nightmare of a dream that what would have happened if I would have been an ias.... 

Jb bhi yeh sochti hu na... 

Lgta h khatam ho yeh kalesh... 

Kyunki jb pta hoga ki yeh rasta band ho gya hai.. 

Tbhi life mein aage badh paenge... 

Now I understand why upsc had an upper age limit of 28 years before... 

They were not being unreasonable... 

They were trying to save the youth... Even if by 4 years... 

Still they were.... 

Ab pta hi mi chalta ko kb rajinder nagar aur patel nagar ki galliyon mein jawani udd jaati hai... 

And I'm not saying all this to depress anyone... 

Just saying it because it was required to be acknowledged in the open... 

To be heard, to be read, to be registered and to be noted... Not just in the notes.... But in mind... 

So that maybe even if 1 person treads out of this... 

It's a collective victory... 

Victory of alll... 

Victory of some.. 

Victory in terms of everything has been done.. 

Till next time, 

Take care