Depression/Sadness

Heyy. If you're feeling severe anxiety that isn't going away for a while, you should see a therapist who can guide you further :) That will be more than forum is going to be able to do.

If you're talking about the general lows and highs that people taking this exam face and the usual anxiety that comes with them, then you're definitely not alone.

If coffee, tea, chocolate relax you, I don't see any reason why you should not bank on them (health being maintained of course). So what if they're external? Worry about what you'll do when you are an IAS officer later, just focus on getting through the current phase.

I may not be the best person to help you with this. I don't have any properly figured out mantra myself. I've also been very lucky with mental health (and i realised this after reading here what others are going through), have not had too much trouble barring a few weeks. I'll tell you some things that I've learnt, but remember there is no need to worry if they don't work for you. This stuff is so subjective. 

One thing i realised is that I feel anxious when I feel overwhelmed and not in control of the prep. The moment I manage to feel like I'm in control somehow, it goes down a lot. I do this by making plans - for the next two weeks or so, and also for the next day. Once the plan is made, I dont have to focus on the whole anxiety-inducing mountain. I just have to focus on the 20 steps I have to take that day. The rest is for future me to worry about bit by bit. But for this to work, the plans have to be realistic, otherwise it will backfire and give you even more anxiety if you're not able to complete the targets. So be very honest and allot only what you feel you can do. If a few days go by and you are not able to stick to the plan, cancel it. Make a new one. The plan is a tool, but the goal is studying. So don't let the plan determine your mood. You control the plan at all times.

When I feel like I'm stuck in a rut, I try to make some big change in my routine. Or if there is no routine I try to make one. Getting up super early, giving myself rewards for tasks done (episodes of shows, food, chocolate, whatever) That itself gives an energy bump thay carries over to prep. 

Speak to friends and family as often as you can if it makes you feel better. Even if you feel too tired to talk, just go and sit among people. "Normal" people who don't have an exam on their minds at all times. Hear people laugh, yell, just be themselves. It will remind you that there is more to life, and more to you, than just prep. This also helps reduce anxiety for me.

Just remember, the goal with prep is ultimately just to clear the exam. That's it. That is inflexible. The goal is not to finish some magazine or clock a certain number of hours or stick to some plan. These things are important, but they are just tools to reach the goal. Keep this distinction always clear. It will help to shed some loads that become too heavy. If you feel something isn't working for you, find something better as long as time allows it. Always be in control. When you feel like you're not, remember you can take control back instantly.

All my best wishes :)

Hey@Aarushi123. I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time. I hope better days come soon for you. I’m sure some day these clouds will clear up and you can be as enthusiastic and cheerful as you want. If you feel like it, please share more. We can talk on DM too. Sending you love and all my good wishes.

I’m in no way qualified to give you any advice but as a fellow human being who went through a rough patch two years ago I can share what helped me. When we feel this way, it’s easy to let ourselves slip deeper into it. It’s the path of least resistance, right? But trust me it’s also the path to guaranteed self-destruction. It’s difficult to fight your way out of this deep dark hole, but there are ways and things worth fighting for outside that hole of depression.

It really helped me to go into problem solving mode and thats basically the crux of the solution. How you choose to solve it up to you. As@nerdfighter mentioned, hobbies or anything that interests you is a great way to overcome your present rough patch. Its also a great time to learn something new, a new language, a skill or even a hobby. When you are learning something new there’s always something to challenge your mind and give you a sense of purpose. 

Surround yourself with people who love and care for you genuinely. Even if its difficult to believe otherwise, we always have people who truly care for us. They can be anyone you are comfortable with, friends, family, forum peeps.

I would also advise you to seek professional help from a therapist, who can help you to truly understand why you feel the way you feel. If you are uncomfortable to do so, I would suggest journaling or writing down your feelings, every time you hit a rough patch. Really ask yourself the tough questions. It’s a lot easier sometimes to write things to yourself than having to open up to a therapist because there are really no judgments and you can discover things about yourself at your own pace. If you wish, I could put you in touch some mental health professionals who deal with coping, depression and anxiety as well.

I also read a beautiful poem by Khalil Gibran this morning. I don’t know if you’d find it relevant to you but maybe you find this line useful

I would that my life remains a tear and a smile.

A tear to purify my heart and give me understanding 

Of life’s secrets and hidden things.

A few things more:

1) Don't be too much emotional. I am way too emotional and I have invariably paid a heavy price for it. So, don't get swayed away by your emotions and sentiments while you are in this journey.

2) Focus on now. Don't plan for tomorrow as tomorrow never comes. Think in terms of the moment passing by like what you are doing now, how you are utilizing the present moment. If you are taking care of your present, future will automatically be taken care of. If you always plan to start something from tomorrow, I bet you will never succeed in it. 

Hey, 

I'm myself on antidepressants so 1thing i can tell u for Sure- that u need medical help. U need to check on which stage of depression u are. Not all stages require medicine. If caught early therapy is enough. 

If u prolong this then u might need medicine otherwise just normal therapy.. 

See.. No matter how much everyone tries to counsel u.. U need someone who is an expert and non judgemental and unrelated by blood or friendship as they'll give an unbiased opinion on things. 

I'm sorry if I might sound rude. But this is reality better recognize it early... 

I hope u get well soon... 

It takes huge effort to come out and admit that one is undergoing depression. So, Kudos to you for doing that.

If it is existing for a longer duration, it will be better to see a professional therapist. 

I can understand that in present mode, it is very difficult to find purpose in anything, be it talking to friends, studying or any leisure activities. However, there are people who are willing to listen to our thoughts. Please talk to those people in your life. Taking a break from current routine can also help.

Just to assure you, many of us Forum peeps are there for you. You can feel free to discuss anything here.

This too shall pass, my friend. Sending you lots of good wishes. :)

I am extremely thankful to whatonly, nerfighter, farzicoder, DeekshitaP . Thank you so much

People like you have enhanced by belief in mankind.  

I am reading all these responses/messages multiple times. 

Will write when i will be okay.

Yes, to this. Being the “bright one” in college to being an absolute nobody in the span of few months took a massive hit on my self esteem. Failing the prelims twice after that made it even worse. I started wondering if I’d wasted my life, and my potential. People started looking at me with pity as if it was such a mistake to waste my talents with multiple UPSC attempts instead of just pursuing a career in academics. 

But months of soul searching (ironically when people were having a hard time in 2020, I was learning to make slow progress) I realised that what mattered was who we were when we were stripped away of all our achievements. That essential core is what I had to figure out and be accountable for, and be proud of. The rest of the achievements, the people, they could come and go but that would remain the same. From then onwards, it has been a happy journey, like “yes I’m a loser in your eyes, what are you going to do about it?”

I'm in no way an expert, but just the fact that you've accepted you need help tells me you're on your way to being better. When I'm feeling down, I do things which make me happy. And it works. You could talk to a professional or someone who understands you or even the lovely peeps here at Forum.

Try to break the monotony of your daily routine. Take a walk, water some plants, listen to your favorite music or watch your comfort show. Stay away from those people/things which bring negativity. Even if it might not seem like it, there is always someone who cares about us. 

Don't be harsh on yourself. Give yourself time because time is the greatest healer. And please don't hesitate to post your thoughts here. This is a safe space. I wish you all the strength in the world.You will beat this! 

Hey there,

It's a tough task to dispel the darkness that has currently set in. You might be receiving many suggestions from your friends, well wishers, co-aspirants, etc. All of them would be nice to read and would be to your liking and infact most of them might be even the right set of advices. But fast forward next 10 days, your situation will more or less likely to be same as now. The reason being you are in all probability not going to follow those advices in practice. Even though unwillingly, you would be continuing with the same mindset as you are currently in. And this exactly leads me to my point no. 1.

1) Observe your daily routine/habits/proclivities over a period of a few days. All you have to do is that after every couple of hours you have to observe yourself like what thought process you were in and what actions you indulged in! You will notice that a whole set of negativities has engulfed you. In actual terms you were not doing anything! You were either regretting about something, pondering over some issues, or else you might be engaged in some petty tendencies that you would be giving effect to at a subconscious level like seeing your mobile notifications, checking WhatsApp, Instagram frequently etc etc. So, the first step is to work on your daily routine with a view to streamline it, wipe off all negativities crept therein, and finally make it more meaningful and positive.

2) Suppose with the same mindset as you are having right now, you are entrusted with the job of receiving cash from and paying cash to the customers. Yes, you are cashier in a leading Public Sector Bank where you have to do a strenuous sitting and mentally taxing job for around 7 hours. Now for those 7 hours you would be totally engrossed in your duty and your current situation will be out of your mind. So the point is that always try to remain busy in some productive activities. If not productive, talk to your family members or friends. But in no case, indulge in action-less thinking. Always remember that an empty mind is devil's house. Keep yourself away from social media and once in a while deactivate all yours accounts temporarily. 

3) At times, some of us are subject to some really tough phases in our life and as a result we get overwhelmed with the feelings of fear, anxiety, grief, dejection etc. It happens because of the bad deeds of our past lives which start taking a toll on the present life. However to lessen the ill effects of them, our sacred texts have mentioned 6 karmic pathways namely Mantra, Tantra, Yantra, Aushadha, Yagna and Ratna. You can resort to these for getting relief from the troubles you are presently experiencing.  And yes, they do work!

4) Always remember, you will have to make great efforts to come out of your current situation. Yes, you will succeed for sure but with exceedingly high discipline and indomitable willpower. Nothing in life comes from being in comfort zone. I know these things are easier said than done but after all it's you who is caught up in such a mess and it's you who is all desperate to overcome it. So, it's again YOU who will have to make some real and genuine efforts to unshackle the chains of your misery. 

5) If despite trying your best you are unable to help yourself, try seeking some professional consultancy by a psychiatrist or go for some counseling therapy. 

All the best. I wish you lead a happy, blissful life ahead. :)@Aarushi123 

It should be 8-10 hours on an average. People use to study for this much number of hours and so you can too. But it is possible only when you are focussed all throughout the day- from the time you wake up till the time you go to bed. 

Initially you will crave for an hour of rest for each hour of study but gradually you should try to enhance your sittings hours and minimize your break time. After concerted efforts in this direction, you will manage to have one study session of 2.5-3 hours and thereafter having a break of half an hour. Everything is practice. Just be disciplined. Discipline will be your biggest tool here. Don't go after motivation for motivation is temporary. 

I don't know what this word actually mean before googling it. Lol. 

I have seen many failures in life myself. Being among top minds in the college and facing continuous failures could have strike me very bad. But from the very early in my life, I got sense that nobody actually cares about you except your parents. Friends are there only for selfish means, leave alone the society. Fruit you are going to get isn't proportional to work you put in, so why bother when random things are not in your control. It might be the case that you are financially poor, in that case you can't be depressed because you dont have Scorpio, you cant even afford Nano. Work to improve your financial status, dont put expectation from work and its result. There could be many similar examples. Long story short, dont expect anything even from your daily activity, do your work, get peace. 

There is one good poem in Hindi, you guys might like. 

As long as our happiness is dependent on how someone perceives us, we'll not be happy with ourself. Someone incapacitated to see us through our struggles, doesn't negate our struggles. Envision happiness in your dream(s), keep up the sadhana. 

Falling once, twice, thrice or never, are circumstances. There could be more than one reason for falling. To fall is natural. Mere existence of us in these battle's is evidence to our will to be happy, make happiness!