UPSC CSE NOT-SUCCESSFUL-YET PAIN STORIES !
Share your pain , frustration, regrets and future plans here. Once you vent out your feelings now, you will definitely feel better. This will also motivate others to write about their experience post-failure in CSE attempts. So that people get to know that THEY ARE NOT ALONE ! Try it.
#Sharing_is_Caring #Hum_Hongey_Kamyaab_Ek_Din !!
This is one such story where there is much involvement of act of God rather than human efforts.
2020 is my 4th attempt. So I consider myself as the senior player here.
I am graduate of one of the most reputed colleges. I was working after graduation, after working for 1.5 years I quit my well high paying job and started my prep.
Put in a lot of efforts in the first attempt, but unfortunately I got dengue in 2017 before the prelims and was almost bed ridden for almost a week I was so down in confidence. Almost mentally disturbed. Then came prelims 2017. I thought I did well and I was sure of clearing prelims after checking the key. But final result shocked me and the marks declared that year shocked me even more. I might have messed with bubbling the omr. There was variation of 20 marks and missed the cutoff by 2.66 marks.
Accepted the first failure and moved on. Prepared with much vigor and Qualified for prelims 2018. During the time between prelims and mains my joint had two successive deaths and my preparation was really really disturbed and I was emotionally very low. And obviously missed the mains cutoff by big margin. Except 130 in essay nothing can be worth mentioning too.
Accepted the failure again and started the journey with more hopes. Cleared IFoS cutoff along with prelims in 2019. I was so much happy that things are turning in favor of me. Gave up the idea of re joining the job. Started studying hard. But the destiny has other plans. Rite after a week of prelims I got malaria, may be due to some food poisoning, went home and after 1 week returned back to studies. This time after 15 days I got high fever and and again had to go home. Emotionally totally drained and mentally was soo weak with what is happening to me. Came back and returned to studies, gave extra hours and managed somehow to feel better and work hard. My Essay paper went well and then again I got high fever, I gave all my GS papers with high fever. Sometimes on high dosage of medication so that atleast I can sit in the exam for 3 hours. It was soo hard. I couldn't cry out louder but I feel the pain and I see my dream of getting IAS spilling away paper after after. I was soo depressed that added even more to the already suffering body due to fever. My 6th sense said me I am going to fail the mains after my Optional paper 1 I left 60 marks, couldn't complete the paper. paper 2 I did well but I know it won't be of any use.
As expected I failed in Mains. Now, after getting marks, My score in Essay was 130, Optional 1 100 (despite leaving 60 marks, I could have easily managed atleast 25-30 marks) and Optional 2 - 135. My GS scores were the least. barely touching 70 in all the papers.
Even then I moved on, Tried IFoS very hard. Completed the syllabus of 2 optionals within the time. My exam went very well and I cleared IFos Mains 2019. My interview was on the last day. Prepared very well but yeah, again the destiny has some different results. My interview went well, I was expecting my name in the list. But as usual I failed, I failed by 20 marks and my interview score is pretty much bad.
Accepted the defeat again, stated gearing up for the next prelims and studying much harder. I was having a high fever before the exam day again. Gave prelims 2020, I was wishing to clear Ifos cutoff this time, but yeah again destiny has to offer something different. I am clearly not clearing IFoS cutoff this year (according to keys) and there is twist in the tail. I am on the border line in CSAT. Depended heavily on RC's unlike my previous strategy. Fingers crossed.
It is very painful and to be frank feeling shy to admit that I made blunders in CSAT ( one of the reasons I don't wish to disclose my graduation colg ). I hope I will make it this time with little luck on my side, which I never had. I was not able to concentrate with these things running in my mind. I decided to write them so that I can atleast get relieved and while typing itself I feel relaxed ,venting out the things I couldn't share.
I am not worried much about the results now. Have seen my friends coming in and clearing in their maiden attempt and still doesn't even know what is what. Not demeaning them, but yeah they are lucky (as most of them I see ). I am not giving up this exam anytime soon. I have financial burden now, but I will handle. I am emotionally and mentally drained ,but still I will handle. I have all sorts of insecurities, but still I will handle. The purpose of the journey I started still is in my mind. I take pleasure in the journey and proud to be here. But I am again humble to accept the destiny and take life as it comes. "Apna time aayega".
PS : Cleared 2020 prelims, though couldn't clear IFOS. Thank the almighty for showering some luck in csat.
I am quitting this journey.
I passed from IIT in 2014 with 9 pointer. Got job opportunities in decent companies, even cleared Gates with under good rank but left all that for UPSC.
2015- clear pre. Failed mains. My depression cycle starts.
2016- cleared pre . Failed mains again. I became isolated.
2017 - cleared prelims , failed mains by 90 marks. Depression intensified. Weight reached 80+ kg. Eyesight crossed -4 in both eyes.
2018- cleared prelims , failed mains by 110 marks again. Suicide became a recurring thought.
2019- gave myself a break , soche depression kam hoga.
2020- cleared prelims, and within 10 days I am going to write mains. And 110% sure the gap will be 90+ marks again. Obviously jo exam ke phle ye sab bakwaas likh rha ho uska naam thore aayega.
Ghar par hain avi, dil jor jor se keh raha hai ki papa mummi ko bata de ki nahi hoga hmse ye ratta, ye mugging, ye humanities , nahi denge iss saal mains exam magar bol nahi paa rhe. Itna sunk cost ho gya hai.
Magar samajh me nahi aa rha ki kare toh kya kare. Websites check kiye toh pata chala 27 years max limit hota hai most good alternatives to UPSC ka like IB ACIO, AAI Junior assistant etc. Wo v haath se chala gya.
Bus bacha hai State PSC , magar result aate aate bhaiya se uncle ho jaenge.
Soche nahi the kavi aisa din aaega. Future bleak lagta hai , 5 attempt ho gya hai , haath me aaya kuch nahi.
Papa agle saal retire karne wale hain , aur hm burden bankar gale me baithe hain unke. Man karta hai ki khatam karo ye natak , quit karo life, Economy ka toh aise v halat kharab hai , hm kya hiin ukhaad lenge agar kuch business start kiye v toh.
Kaash ye forum ke bare me phle se pata hota, college se nikalte ye padh liye hote, itna time waste nahi hota mera. Koi tha nahi batane wala ki babu fat jaegi tmhari agar unlucky huye few attempts me toh, bola gya hmko ki social media (of all types) se door raho - so forum se v door rahe. Ab Isolation itna badh gya hai ki bahar ka duniya dekhe 4 month ho gya hai. Sirf maid ko pata hai ki hm exist karte hain.
Kisko sunaye apna problem , papa mummi ko ? wo toh apne old-age medical issues se pareshan hain, bada bhai behan ko , wo log bolte settle kar jao koi v 30k type job lekar private me. ab unko kya hm bole ki bada ambition rakhne par , kuch v usse alag pasand nahi ata. Gajab dilemma hai: Armaan upar ka hai magar kabiliyat hai nahi aur niche jaane ka awsar hai magar ego jaane nahi deta. aise me mare nahi toh kya kare.. aap batao.
Ek baat bus janna hai topper log se ki wo log kya sochte hain unke baare me jinka nahi hota hai? Qki jinka hota hai wo toh kehte hain ki hmne mehnat kiya toh hua , so iska matlab hai jinka nahi hua wo mehnat nahi kiya. Ya unko direction/guidance nahi mila. Ya guidance mila toh motivation nahi mila. kya sochte hain toppers unke bare me jo piche choot gye. Hm ye puch isliye rhe qki mere ek dost ka RBI Grade B nikla aur wo kehta hai ki mehnat karoge toh UPSC v niklega. Hurt huye hm. Isliye puch rhe ki sab aisa hiin sochte hain kya.
I know right! I’ve nothing against online mode but all the toppers are like ^its easier to maintain,modify,add subtract divide^ and I’m here like ^ if I can’t touch it,how will I remember it^. Finally somebody agrees with me. Thankyou very very much. Folks around me think I’m just wasting my time and energy scribbling away.
I am quitting this journey.
I passed from IIT in 2014 with 9 pointer. Got job opportunities in decent companies, even cleared Gates with under good rank but left all that for UPSC.2015- clear pre. Failed mains. My depression cycle starts.
2016- cleared pre . Failed mains again. I became isolated.
2017 - cleared prelims , failed mains by 90 marks. Depression intensified. Weight reached 80+ kg. Eyesight crossed -4 in both eyes.
2018- cleared prelims , failed mains by 110 marks again. Suicide became a recurring thought.
2019- gave myself a break , soche depression kam hoga.
2020- cleared prelims, and within 10 days I am going to write mains. And 110% sure the gap will be 90+ marks again. Obviously jo exam ke phle ye sab bakwaas likh rha ho uska naam thore aayega.
Ghar par hain avi, dil jor jor se keh raha hai ki papa mummi ko bata de ki nahi hoga hmse ye ratta, ye mugging, ye humanities , nahi denge iss saal mains exam magar bol nahi paa rhe. Itna sunk cost ho gya hai.
Magar samajh me nahi aa rha ki kare toh kya kare. Websites check kiye toh pata chala 27 years max limit hota hai most good alternatives to UPSC ka like IB ACIO, AAI Junior assistant etc. Wo v haath se chala gya.
Bus bacha hai State PSC , magar result aate aate bhaiya se uncle ho jaenge.
Soche nahi the kavi aisa din aaega. Future bleak lagta hai , 5 attempt ho gya hai , haath me aaya kuch nahi.
Papa agle saal retire karne wale hain , aur hm burden bankar gale me baithe hain unke. Man karta hai ki khatam karo ye natak , quit karo life, Economy ka toh aise v halat kharab hai , hm kya hiin ukhaad lenge agar kuch business start kiye v toh.
Kaash ye forum ke bare me phle se pata hota, college se nikalte ye padh liye hote, itna time waste nahi hota mera. Koi tha nahi batane wala ki babu fat jaegi tmhari agar unlucky huye few attempts me toh, bola gya hmko ki social media (of all types) se door raho - so forum se v door rahe. Ab Isolation itna badh gya hai ki bahar ka duniya dekhe 4 month ho gya hai. Sirf maid ko pata hai ki hm exist karte hain.
Kisko sunaye apna problem , papa mummi ko ? wo toh apne old-age medical issues se pareshan hain, bada bhai behan ko , wo log bolte settle kar jao koi v 30k type job lekar private me. ab unko kya hm bole ki bada ambition rakhne par , kuch v usse alag pasand nahi ata. Gajab dilemma hai: Armaan upar ka hai magar kabiliyat hai nahi aur niche jaane ka awsar hai magar ego jaane nahi deta. aise me mare nahi toh kya kare.. aap batao.
Ek baat bus janna hai topper log se ki wo log kya sochte hain unke baare me jinka nahi hota hai? Qki jinka hota hai wo toh kehte hain ki hmne mehnat kiya toh hua , so iska matlab hai jinka nahi hua wo mehnat nahi kiya. Ya unko direction/guidance nahi mila. Ya guidance mila toh motivation nahi mila. kya sochte hain toppers unke bare me jo piche choot gye. Hm ye puch isliye rhe qki mere ek dost ka RBI Grade B nikla aur wo kehta hai ki mehnat karoge toh UPSC v niklega. Hurt huye hm. Isliye puch rhe ki sab aisa hiin sochte hain kya.
Start any business you will do much better than any IAS officer if you really hard for it in terms of research, product/service quality, marketing and innovation. IAS is a dying job breed of the socialistic times and soon entrepreneurial spirit is going to grip this nation to propel it forward. Also current and future political governments might completely sideline it like the western world reducing it to a clerical cadre and corporates entering even governance through contractual works as we become more capitalistic. Think 20 years forward now since you have missed to see 5 years forward when preparing for this rat race. Do not lose hope though. You are smart and will do it! Even the forum ias owner is a success story far bigger and having a better legacy than any of these marketed toppers. Be a job provider not a servile job seeker. ATB!
I am quitting this journey.
I passed from IIT in 2014 with 9 pointer. Got job opportunities in decent companies, even cleared Gates with under good rank but left all that for UPSC.2015- clear pre. Failed mains. My depression cycle starts.
2016- cleared pre . Failed mains again. I became isolated.
2017 - cleared prelims , failed mains by 90 marks. Depression intensified. Weight reached 80+ kg. Eyesight crossed -4 in both eyes.
2018- cleared prelims , failed mains by 110 marks again. Suicide became a recurring thought.
2019- gave myself a break , soche depression kam hoga.
2020- cleared prelims, and within 10 days I am going to write mains. And 110% sure the gap will be 90+ marks again. Obviously jo exam ke phle ye sab bakwaas likh rha ho uska naam thore aayega.
Ghar par hain avi, dil jor jor se keh raha hai ki papa mummi ko bata de ki nahi hoga hmse ye ratta, ye mugging, ye humanities , nahi denge iss saal mains exam magar bol nahi paa rhe. Itna sunk cost ho gya hai.
Magar samajh me nahi aa rha ki kare toh kya kare. Websites check kiye toh pata chala 27 years max limit hota hai most good alternatives to UPSC ka like IB ACIO, AAI Junior assistant etc. Wo v haath se chala gya.
Bus bacha hai State PSC , magar result aate aate bhaiya se uncle ho jaenge.
Soche nahi the kavi aisa din aaega. Future bleak lagta hai , 5 attempt ho gya hai , haath me aaya kuch nahi.
Papa agle saal retire karne wale hain , aur hm burden bankar gale me baithe hain unke. Man karta hai ki khatam karo ye natak , quit karo life, Economy ka toh aise v halat kharab hai , hm kya hiin ukhaad lenge agar kuch business start kiye v toh.
Kaash ye forum ke bare me phle se pata hota, college se nikalte ye padh liye hote, itna time waste nahi hota mera. Koi tha nahi batane wala ki babu fat jaegi tmhari agar unlucky huye few attempts me toh, bola gya hmko ki social media (of all types) se door raho - so forum se v door rahe. Ab Isolation itna badh gya hai ki bahar ka duniya dekhe 4 month ho gya hai. Sirf maid ko pata hai ki hm exist karte hain.
Kisko sunaye apna problem , papa mummi ko ? wo toh apne old-age medical issues se pareshan hain, bada bhai behan ko , wo log bolte settle kar jao koi v 30k type job lekar private me. ab unko kya hm bole ki bada ambition rakhne par , kuch v usse alag pasand nahi ata. Gajab dilemma hai: Armaan upar ka hai magar kabiliyat hai nahi aur niche jaane ka awsar hai magar ego jaane nahi deta. aise me mare nahi toh kya kare.. aap batao.
Ek baat bus janna hai topper log se ki wo log kya sochte hain unke baare me jinka nahi hota hai? Qki jinka hota hai wo toh kehte hain ki hmne mehnat kiya toh hua , so iska matlab hai jinka nahi hua wo mehnat nahi kiya. Ya unko direction/guidance nahi mila. Ya guidance mila toh motivation nahi mila. kya sochte hain toppers unke bare me jo piche choot gye. Hm ye puch isliye rhe qki mere ek dost ka RBI Grade B nikla aur wo kehta hai ki mehnat karoge toh UPSC v niklega. Hurt huye hm. Isliye puch rhe ki sab aisa hiin sochte hain kya.
Hello Sir
I am quite younger to you and perhaps can't relate to your situation exactly. Also, I haven't appeared for UPSC once so I have no experience of the turmoil it creates. However I think I can give you a little message which will be useful to you.
Your question on "kya sochte hai toppers Jo peeche choot gye" ; I would like to make a point that these tags (like iitian , IAS etc) are created by people around us but these don't define a person to any extent. So even if a topper creates a opinion, he or she will be wrong because he/she have no clue about the struggles one might be going through. Secondly even people who are damn successful will be criticised. Even our prime minister who is so successful in his political career is still criticised by many but a man's gotta do what he gotta do. So in any case we all should strive for gaining our own respect not someone else's. To put in simple words, "duniya Mai sabse bada Rog , kya lagenge log".
Last point sir, I am sure you have some goals in your life for instance improving India's administration or maybe poverty or something. Is civil services the only way to contribute to development of the country?
Thank you for reading sir, I wish you get good results and your journey so far gives you the strength to deal with challenges in future but I am pretty sure that you won't give up while chasing your goals.
I read a quote once , "we don't lose when we fall , we lose when we refuse to stand up".
if you really want to win and come out of this mess...and ready to make ANY changes asked to do , then contact@Neyawn ... he has the magic potion for anyone like you.I am quitting this journey.
I passed from IIT in 2014 with 9 pointer. Got job opportunities in decent companies, even cleared Gates with under good rank but left all that for UPSC.2015- clear pre. Failed mains. My depression cycle starts.
2016- cleared pre . Failed mains again. I became isolated.
2017 - cleared prelims , failed mains by 90 marks. Depression intensified. Weight reached 80+ kg. Eyesight crossed -4 in both eyes.
2018- cleared prelims , failed mains by 110 marks again. Suicide became a recurring thought.
2019- gave myself a break , soche depression kam hoga.
2020- cleared prelims, and within 10 days I am going to write mains. And 110% sure the gap will be 90+ marks again. Obviously jo exam ke phle ye sab bakwaas likh rha ho uska naam thore aayega.
Ghar par hain avi, dil jor jor se keh raha hai ki papa mummi ko bata de ki nahi hoga hmse ye ratta, ye mugging, ye humanities , nahi denge iss saal mains exam magar bol nahi paa rhe. Itna sunk cost ho gya hai.
Magar samajh me nahi aa rha ki kare toh kya kare. Websites check kiye toh pata chala 27 years max limit hota hai most good alternatives to UPSC ka like IB ACIO, AAI Junior assistant etc. Wo v haath se chala gya.
Bus bacha hai State PSC , magar result aate aate bhaiya se uncle ho jaenge.
Soche nahi the kavi aisa din aaega. Future bleak lagta hai , 5 attempt ho gya hai , haath me aaya kuch nahi.
Papa agle saal retire karne wale hain , aur hm burden bankar gale me baithe hain unke. Man karta hai ki khatam karo ye natak , quit karo life, Economy ka toh aise v halat kharab hai , hm kya hiin ukhaad lenge agar kuch business start kiye v toh.
Kaash ye forum ke bare me phle se pata hota, college se nikalte ye padh liye hote, itna time waste nahi hota mera. Koi tha nahi batane wala ki babu fat jaegi tmhari agar unlucky huye few attempts me toh, bola gya hmko ki social media (of all types) se door raho - so forum se v door rahe. Ab Isolation itna badh gya hai ki bahar ka duniya dekhe 4 month ho gya hai. Sirf maid ko pata hai ki hm exist karte hain.
Kisko sunaye apna problem , papa mummi ko ? wo toh apne old-age medical issues se pareshan hain, bada bhai behan ko , wo log bolte settle kar jao koi v 30k type job lekar private me. ab unko kya hm bole ki bada ambition rakhne par , kuch v usse alag pasand nahi ata. Gajab dilemma hai: Armaan upar ka hai magar kabiliyat hai nahi aur niche jaane ka awsar hai magar ego jaane nahi deta. aise me mare nahi toh kya kare.. aap batao.
Ek baat bus janna hai topper log se ki wo log kya sochte hain unke baare me jinka nahi hota hai? Qki jinka hota hai wo toh kehte hain ki hmne mehnat kiya toh hua , so iska matlab hai jinka nahi hua wo mehnat nahi kiya. Ya unko direction/guidance nahi mila. Ya guidance mila toh motivation nahi mila. kya sochte hain toppers unke bare me jo piche choot gye. Hm ye puch isliye rhe qki mere ek dost ka RBI Grade B nikla aur wo kehta hai ki mehnat karoge toh UPSC v niklega. Hurt huye hm. Isliye puch rhe ki sab aisa hiin sochte hain kya.
if you really want to win and come out of this mess...and ready to make ANY changes asked to do , then contact@Neyawn ... he has the magic potion for anyone like you.I am quitting this journey.
I passed from IIT in 2014 with 9 pointer. Got job opportunities in decent companies, even cleared Gates with under good rank but left all that for UPSC.2015- clear pre. Failed mains. My depression cycle starts.
2016- cleared pre . Failed mains again. I became isolated.
2017 - cleared prelims , failed mains by 90 marks. Depression intensified. Weight reached 80+ kg. Eyesight crossed -4 in both eyes.
2018- cleared prelims , failed mains by 110 marks again. Suicide became a recurring thought.
2019- gave myself a break , soche depression kam hoga.
2020- cleared prelims, and within 10 days I am going to write mains. And 110% sure the gap will be 90+ marks again. Obviously jo exam ke phle ye sab bakwaas likh rha ho uska naam thore aayega.
Ghar par hain avi, dil jor jor se keh raha hai ki papa mummi ko bata de ki nahi hoga hmse ye ratta, ye mugging, ye humanities , nahi denge iss saal mains exam magar bol nahi paa rhe. Itna sunk cost ho gya hai.
Magar samajh me nahi aa rha ki kare toh kya kare. Websites check kiye toh pata chala 27 years max limit hota hai most good alternatives to UPSC ka like IB ACIO, AAI Junior assistant etc. Wo v haath se chala gya.
Bus bacha hai State PSC , magar result aate aate bhaiya se uncle ho jaenge.
Soche nahi the kavi aisa din aaega. Future bleak lagta hai , 5 attempt ho gya hai , haath me aaya kuch nahi.
Papa agle saal retire karne wale hain , aur hm burden bankar gale me baithe hain unke. Man karta hai ki khatam karo ye natak , quit karo life, Economy ka toh aise v halat kharab hai , hm kya hiin ukhaad lenge agar kuch business start kiye v toh.
Kaash ye forum ke bare me phle se pata hota, college se nikalte ye padh liye hote, itna time waste nahi hota mera. Koi tha nahi batane wala ki babu fat jaegi tmhari agar unlucky huye few attempts me toh, bola gya hmko ki social media (of all types) se door raho - so forum se v door rahe. Ab Isolation itna badh gya hai ki bahar ka duniya dekhe 4 month ho gya hai. Sirf maid ko pata hai ki hm exist karte hain.
Kisko sunaye apna problem , papa mummi ko ? wo toh apne old-age medical issues se pareshan hain, bada bhai behan ko , wo log bolte settle kar jao koi v 30k type job lekar private me. ab unko kya hm bole ki bada ambition rakhne par , kuch v usse alag pasand nahi ata. Gajab dilemma hai: Armaan upar ka hai magar kabiliyat hai nahi aur niche jaane ka awsar hai magar ego jaane nahi deta. aise me mare nahi toh kya kare.. aap batao.
Ek baat bus janna hai topper log se ki wo log kya sochte hain unke baare me jinka nahi hota hai? Qki jinka hota hai wo toh kehte hain ki hmne mehnat kiya toh hua , so iska matlab hai jinka nahi hua wo mehnat nahi kiya. Ya unko direction/guidance nahi mila. Ya guidance mila toh motivation nahi mila. kya sochte hain toppers unke bare me jo piche choot gye. Hm ye puch isliye rhe qki mere ek dost ka RBI Grade B nikla aur wo kehta hai ki mehnat karoge toh UPSC v niklega. Hurt huye hm. Isliye puch rhe ki sab aisa hiin sochte hain kya.
The only condition is "whatever he says"you have talent ... just make use of it...what vse is all about... you have wrong idea
How to contact him ? Please tell , I really need some useful guidance after wasting 2 years in the journey.
if you really want to win and come out of this mess...and ready to make ANY changes asked to do , then contact@Neyawn ... he has the magic potion for anyone like you.I am quitting this journey.
I passed from IIT in 2014 with 9 pointer. Got job opportunities in decent companies, even cleared Gates with under good rank but left all that for UPSC.2015- clear pre. Failed mains. My depression cycle starts.
2016- cleared pre . Failed mains again. I became isolated.
2017 - cleared prelims , failed mains by 90 marks. Depression intensified. Weight reached 80+ kg. Eyesight crossed -4 in both eyes.
2018- cleared prelims , failed mains by 110 marks again. Suicide became a recurring thought.
2019- gave myself a break , soche depression kam hoga.
2020- cleared prelims, and within 10 days I am going to write mains. And 110% sure the gap will be 90+ marks again. Obviously jo exam ke phle ye sab bakwaas likh rha ho uska naam thore aayega.
Ghar par hain avi, dil jor jor se keh raha hai ki papa mummi ko bata de ki nahi hoga hmse ye ratta, ye mugging, ye humanities , nahi denge iss saal mains exam magar bol nahi paa rhe. Itna sunk cost ho gya hai.
Magar samajh me nahi aa rha ki kare toh kya kare. Websites check kiye toh pata chala 27 years max limit hota hai most good alternatives to UPSC ka like IB ACIO, AAI Junior assistant etc. Wo v haath se chala gya.
Bus bacha hai State PSC , magar result aate aate bhaiya se uncle ho jaenge.
Soche nahi the kavi aisa din aaega. Future bleak lagta hai , 5 attempt ho gya hai , haath me aaya kuch nahi.
Papa agle saal retire karne wale hain , aur hm burden bankar gale me baithe hain unke. Man karta hai ki khatam karo ye natak , quit karo life, Economy ka toh aise v halat kharab hai , hm kya hiin ukhaad lenge agar kuch business start kiye v toh.
Kaash ye forum ke bare me phle se pata hota, college se nikalte ye padh liye hote, itna time waste nahi hota mera. Koi tha nahi batane wala ki babu fat jaegi tmhari agar unlucky huye few attempts me toh, bola gya hmko ki social media (of all types) se door raho - so forum se v door rahe. Ab Isolation itna badh gya hai ki bahar ka duniya dekhe 4 month ho gya hai. Sirf maid ko pata hai ki hm exist karte hain.
Kisko sunaye apna problem , papa mummi ko ? wo toh apne old-age medical issues se pareshan hain, bada bhai behan ko , wo log bolte settle kar jao koi v 30k type job lekar private me. ab unko kya hm bole ki bada ambition rakhne par , kuch v usse alag pasand nahi ata. Gajab dilemma hai: Armaan upar ka hai magar kabiliyat hai nahi aur niche jaane ka awsar hai magar ego jaane nahi deta. aise me mare nahi toh kya kare.. aap batao.
Ek baat bus janna hai topper log se ki wo log kya sochte hain unke baare me jinka nahi hota hai? Qki jinka hota hai wo toh kehte hain ki hmne mehnat kiya toh hua , so iska matlab hai jinka nahi hua wo mehnat nahi kiya. Ya unko direction/guidance nahi mila. Ya guidance mila toh motivation nahi mila. kya sochte hain toppers unke bare me jo piche choot gye. Hm ye puch isliye rhe qki mere ek dost ka RBI Grade B nikla aur wo kehta hai ki mehnat karoge toh UPSC v niklega. Hurt huye hm. Isliye puch rhe ki sab aisa hiin sochte hain kya.
The only condition is "whatever he says"you have talent ... just make use of it...what vse is all about... you have wrong idea
How to contact him ? Please tell , I really need some useful guidance after wasting 2 years in the journey.
@Neyawn lives in this page only !! tag him ! he is omnipresent!
Aparajitaa,I am quitting this journey.
I passed from IIT in 2014 with 9 pointer. Got job opportunities in decent companies, even cleared Gates with under good rank but left all that for UPSC.2015- clear pre. Failed mains. My depression cycle starts.
2016- cleared pre . Failed mains again. I became isolated.
2017 - cleared prelims , failed mains by 90 marks. Depression intensified. Weight reached 80+ kg. Eyesight crossed -4 in both eyes.
2018- cleared prelims , failed mains by 110 marks again. Suicide became a recurring thought.
2019- gave myself a break , soche depression kam hoga.
2020- cleared prelims, and within 10 days I am going to write mains. And 110% sure the gap will be 90+ marks again. Obviously jo exam ke phle ye sab bakwaas likh rha ho uska naam thore aayega.
Ghar par hain avi, dil jor jor se keh raha hai ki papa mummi ko bata de ki nahi hoga hmse ye ratta, ye mugging, ye humanities , nahi denge iss saal mains exam magar bol nahi paa rhe. Itna sunk cost ho gya hai.
Magar samajh me nahi aa rha ki kare toh kya kare. Websites check kiye toh pata chala 27 years max limit hota hai most good alternatives to UPSC ka like IB ACIO, AAI Junior assistant etc. Wo v haath se chala gya.
Bus bacha hai State PSC , magar result aate aate bhaiya se uncle ho jaenge.
Soche nahi the kavi aisa din aaega. Future bleak lagta hai , 5 attempt ho gya hai , haath me aaya kuch nahi.
Papa agle saal retire karne wale hain , aur hm burden bankar gale me baithe hain unke. Man karta hai ki khatam karo ye natak , quit karo life, Economy ka toh aise v halat kharab hai , hm kya hiin ukhaad lenge agar kuch business start kiye v toh.
Kaash ye forum ke bare me phle se pata hota, college se nikalte ye padh liye hote, itna time waste nahi hota mera. Koi tha nahi batane wala ki babu fat jaegi tmhari agar unlucky huye few attempts me toh, bola gya hmko ki social media (of all types) se door raho - so forum se v door rahe. Ab Isolation itna badh gya hai ki bahar ka duniya dekhe 4 month ho gya hai. Sirf maid ko pata hai ki hm exist karte hain.
Kisko sunaye apna problem , papa mummi ko ? wo toh apne old-age medical issues se pareshan hain, bada bhai behan ko , wo log bolte settle kar jao koi v 30k type job lekar private me. ab unko kya hm bole ki bada ambition rakhne par , kuch v usse alag pasand nahi ata. Gajab dilemma hai: Armaan upar ka hai magar kabiliyat hai nahi aur niche jaane ka awsar hai magar ego jaane nahi deta. aise me mare nahi toh kya kare.. aap batao.
Ek baat bus janna hai topper log se ki wo log kya sochte hain unke baare me jinka nahi hota hai? Qki jinka hota hai wo toh kehte hain ki hmne mehnat kiya toh hua , so iska matlab hai jinka nahi hua wo mehnat nahi kiya. Ya unko direction/guidance nahi mila. Ya guidance mila toh motivation nahi mila. kya sochte hain toppers unke bare me jo piche choot gye. Hm ye puch isliye rhe qki mere ek dost ka RBI Grade B nikla aur wo kehta hai ki mehnat karoge toh UPSC v niklega. Hurt huye hm. Isliye puch rhe ki sab aisa hiin sochte hain kya.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
– Victor Frankl
sonder,if you really want to win and come out of this mess...and ready to make ANY changes asked to do , then contact@Neyawn ... he has the magic potion for anyone like you.I am quitting this journey.
I passed from IIT in 2014 with 9 pointer. Got job opportunities in decent companies, even cleared Gates with under good rank but left all that for UPSC.2015- clear pre. Failed mains. My depression cycle starts.
2016- cleared pre . Failed mains again. I became isolated.
2017 - cleared prelims , failed mains by 90 marks. Depression intensified. Weight reached 80+ kg. Eyesight crossed -4 in both eyes.
2018- cleared prelims , failed mains by 110 marks again. Suicide became a recurring thought.
2019- gave myself a break , soche depression kam hoga.
2020- cleared prelims, and within 10 days I am going to write mains. And 110% sure the gap will be 90+ marks again. Obviously jo exam ke phle ye sab bakwaas likh rha ho uska naam thore aayega.
Ghar par hain avi, dil jor jor se keh raha hai ki papa mummi ko bata de ki nahi hoga hmse ye ratta, ye mugging, ye humanities , nahi denge iss saal mains exam magar bol nahi paa rhe. Itna sunk cost ho gya hai.
Magar samajh me nahi aa rha ki kare toh kya kare. Websites check kiye toh pata chala 27 years max limit hota hai most good alternatives to UPSC ka like IB ACIO, AAI Junior assistant etc. Wo v haath se chala gya.
Bus bacha hai State PSC , magar result aate aate bhaiya se uncle ho jaenge.
Soche nahi the kavi aisa din aaega. Future bleak lagta hai , 5 attempt ho gya hai , haath me aaya kuch nahi.
Papa agle saal retire karne wale hain , aur hm burden bankar gale me baithe hain unke. Man karta hai ki khatam karo ye natak , quit karo life, Economy ka toh aise v halat kharab hai , hm kya hiin ukhaad lenge agar kuch business start kiye v toh.
Kaash ye forum ke bare me phle se pata hota, college se nikalte ye padh liye hote, itna time waste nahi hota mera. Koi tha nahi batane wala ki babu fat jaegi tmhari agar unlucky huye few attempts me toh, bola gya hmko ki social media (of all types) se door raho - so forum se v door rahe. Ab Isolation itna badh gya hai ki bahar ka duniya dekhe 4 month ho gya hai. Sirf maid ko pata hai ki hm exist karte hain.
Kisko sunaye apna problem , papa mummi ko ? wo toh apne old-age medical issues se pareshan hain, bada bhai behan ko , wo log bolte settle kar jao koi v 30k type job lekar private me. ab unko kya hm bole ki bada ambition rakhne par , kuch v usse alag pasand nahi ata. Gajab dilemma hai: Armaan upar ka hai magar kabiliyat hai nahi aur niche jaane ka awsar hai magar ego jaane nahi deta. aise me mare nahi toh kya kare.. aap batao.
Ek baat bus janna hai topper log se ki wo log kya sochte hain unke baare me jinka nahi hota hai? Qki jinka hota hai wo toh kehte hain ki hmne mehnat kiya toh hua , so iska matlab hai jinka nahi hua wo mehnat nahi kiya. Ya unko direction/guidance nahi mila. Ya guidance mila toh motivation nahi mila. kya sochte hain toppers unke bare me jo piche choot gye. Hm ye puch isliye rhe qki mere ek dost ka RBI Grade B nikla aur wo kehta hai ki mehnat karoge toh UPSC v niklega. Hurt huye hm. Isliye puch rhe ki sab aisa hiin sochte hain kya.
The only condition is "whatever he says"you have talent ... just make use of it...what vse is all about... you have wrong idea
How to contact him ? Please tell , I really need some useful guidance after wasting 2 years in the journey.
@Neyawn lives in this page only !! tag him ! he is omnipresent!
Okay.
I have given two Prelims in 2019 ( just after doing coaching of 5 hours daily, Vajiram and solving no test series in exam like condition shamelessly) - result was I failed in it by a mrgin of 20 marks . And in 2020 attempt I majorly prepared for Prelims and still I think I have missed the cutoff by 1 or 2 marks.
After the result came in October I was completely shattered , I was not hoping it all . And in November and December I haven't prepared much for Mains ( just optional paper 1 and ancient history ) , again I have the feeling that I will prepare in haste for Prelims as time is less and may again falter or even if I clear Prelims there is just Gap of 60-70 days effectively, I may not do good in Mains.
Will it be advisable to take a break this year and give my attempt in 2022 with full preparation?? I am 23 now and being a girl . Can someone please here suggest as you have more experiences , what to do ?
What are other diverse things I can do like attempting state pcs or any other things ? Please help me to devise my plan ahead. I failed in previous attempts due to lack of strategy and I was preparing from home and didn't take tests in exam like condition.
Please help me.
Update: Missed CSE 2019 final list by 8 marks.Let me share my painful story:
Year 2010 ->Passed out from a top NIT
October 2013 ->left a highly paid job and came to Delhi to prepare for Civil Services
Gave 6 attempts back to back from CSE 2014 to CSE 2019
Wrote Mains in all the attempts
Gave Interview in CSE 2016 and CSE 2019
Missed Final list narrowly in CSE 2016,also missed Reserve list by 2 marks
On 4th August 2020, i was not able to find my name in the final list again. Not able to accept the reality till now. For CSE 2019, i had given all. Wrote more than 60 tests (joined multiple test series of GS,Essay, & Public Ad) and consistently scored good marks in all the test series. Moreover, i used to get better rank/score than this year's topper (AIR-1) in Pawan Kumar Sir's Public Ad test series.But all my hardwork has become meaningless. Life has become very difficult. Since i belong to obc so still i have attempts left but no courage left inside me. It seems Yeh andheri raat kabhi khatm nahi hogi
Already immersed in CSE 2020 cycle with renewed vigour. Putting even more efforts in the areas where i'm lacking compared to others.Thanks to everybody for your kind words.
Update: got interview call again. Thank You, Everyone.
I am quitting this journey.
I passed from IIT in 2014 with 9 pointer. Got job opportunities in decent companies, even cleared Gates with under good rank but left all that for UPSC.2015- clear pre. Failed mains. My depression cycle starts.
2016- cleared pre . Failed mains again. I became isolated.
2017 - cleared prelims , failed mains by 90 marks. Depression intensified. Weight reached 80+ kg. Eyesight crossed -4 in both eyes.
2018- cleared prelims , failed mains by 110 marks again. Suicide became a recurring thought.
2019- gave myself a break , soche depression kam hoga.
2020- cleared prelims, and within 10 days I am going to write mains. And 110% sure the gap will be 90+ marks again. Obviously jo exam ke phle ye sab bakwaas likh rha ho uska naam thore aayega.
Ghar par hain avi, dil jor jor se keh raha hai ki papa mummi ko bata de ki nahi hoga hmse ye ratta, ye mugging, ye humanities , nahi denge iss saal mains exam magar bol nahi paa rhe. Itna sunk cost ho gya hai.
Magar samajh me nahi aa rha ki kare toh kya kare. Websites check kiye toh pata chala 27 years max limit hota hai most good alternatives to UPSC ka like IB ACIO, AAI Junior assistant etc. Wo v haath se chala gya.
Bus bacha hai State PSC , magar result aate aate bhaiya se uncle ho jaenge.
Soche nahi the kavi aisa din aaega. Future bleak lagta hai , 5 attempt ho gya hai , haath me aaya kuch nahi.
Papa agle saal retire karne wale hain , aur hm burden bankar gale me baithe hain unke. Man karta hai ki khatam karo ye natak , quit karo life, Economy ka toh aise v halat kharab hai , hm kya hiin ukhaad lenge agar kuch business start kiye v toh.
Kaash ye forum ke bare me phle se pata hota, college se nikalte ye padh liye hote, itna time waste nahi hota mera. Koi tha nahi batane wala ki babu fat jaegi tmhari agar unlucky huye few attempts me toh, bola gya hmko ki social media (of all types) se door raho - so forum se v door rahe. Ab Isolation itna badh gya hai ki bahar ka duniya dekhe 4 month ho gya hai. Sirf maid ko pata hai ki hm exist karte hain.
Kisko sunaye apna problem , papa mummi ko ? wo toh apne old-age medical issues se pareshan hain, bada bhai behan ko , wo log bolte settle kar jao koi v 30k type job lekar private me. ab unko kya hm bole ki bada ambition rakhne par , kuch v usse alag pasand nahi ata. Gajab dilemma hai: Armaan upar ka hai magar kabiliyat hai nahi aur niche jaane ka awsar hai magar ego jaane nahi deta. aise me mare nahi toh kya kare.. aap batao.
Ek baat bus janna hai topper log se ki wo log kya sochte hain unke baare me jinka nahi hota hai? Qki jinka hota hai wo toh kehte hain ki hmne mehnat kiya toh hua , so iska matlab hai jinka nahi hua wo mehnat nahi kiya. Ya unko direction/guidance nahi mila. Ya guidance mila toh motivation nahi mila. kya sochte hain toppers unke bare me jo piche choot gye. Hm ye puch isliye rhe qki mere ek dost ka RBI Grade B nikla aur wo kehta hai ki mehnat karoge toh UPSC v niklega. Hurt huye hm. Isliye puch rhe ki sab aisa hiin sochte hain kya.
start the listening to acharya prashant you will some clarity regarding your own unique situation..as we live society and passed out from certain college then we started thing to like we r same as people living to our nextdoor and college mates respectively we start comparing with them , internally on mental level how we percieve a thing is distict for indiviual you need slight wisdom to see it...
I have given two Prelims in 2019 ( just after doing coaching of 5 hours daily, Vajiram and solving no test series in exam like condition shamelessly) - result was I failed in it by a mrgin of 20 marks . And in 2020 attempt I majorly prepared for Prelims and still I think I have missed the cutoff by 1 or 2 marks.
After the result came in October I was completely shattered , I was not hoping it all . And in November and December I haven't prepared much for Mains ( just optional paper 1 and ancient history ) , again I have the feeling that I will prepare in haste for Prelims as time is less and may again falter or even if I clear Prelims there is just Gap of 60-70 days effectively, I may not do good in Mains.
Will it be advisable to take a break this year and give my attempt in 2022 with full preparation?? I am 23 now and being a girl . Can someone please here suggest as you have more experiences , what to do ?
What are other diverse things I can do like attempting state pcs or any other things ? Please help me to devise my plan ahead. I failed in previous attempts due to lack of strategy and I was preparing from home and didn't take tests in exam like condition.
Please help me.
@Aparajitaa - Though a bit late for the reply (you must have made a decision already) but I think there is still enough time and 70 days gap is enough. Most people waste ap part of the gap in speculation about prelims result.
So you can try. :)
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I was just listening to a few songs and that made me come back to forum after so many months, if not years! I am another "non-successful" story and got in the game of UPSC when forum barely existed, Ojha sir was nowhere in Delhi, Vajiram had less than 20 GS batches, there were 2 optionals.
Prince Dhawan, who got selected in 2011 was my main motivation to take EE and PubAd as optionals. I graduated in 2012 and took my first attempt. I took prelims just after going through coaching material and got through. Mains were in 3 months and I knew nothing about anything to do with it. I joined coaching for PubAd and did GS and EE on my own, standing in long queue outside American Library on KG Marg, sitting wherever there was space. Eventually, wrote my mains - I remember PubAd exam so clearly - my center was UPSC exam hall and we got the first paper, and everyone was just looking at each other for the first 5-10 mins. We didn't know what to write. Eventually, we wrote something and that was the year when the term "butchering" became popular - forum also had a role to play then since people started using it more actively. I scored 70% marks in Essay which was one of the highest marks that year. I scored 158 marks in PubAd (both papers) which was also comparable to many selected candidates that year. I missed clearing mains by 37 marks and blamed EE for my failure (dropped it later to take PubAd).
I joined my GS coaching in Vajiram after my first mains - and when I used to tell people in my class, they were so shocked. And this moment got captured so well in "Aspirants" when sandeep bhaiya tells abhilash - "nai nai coaching to hoti rahegi, pehle IAS ban jao"! Then came the 2013 attempt, perhaps my best attempt - pattern change to 1 optional subject wasn't announced until after prelims. Prelims was considered to be super high scoring, and perhaps has had the highest cut-off (60%) in the last 10 years or so - 241/400. I scored 323 marks in prelims. I remember so many deserving candidates did not get through prelims that year. Then came the mains! Nobody knew we will get 25 questions of 10 marks each!!! One edge I had over the others this time was that I was used to writing short and crisp answers and that helped me so much! I finished all the papers - people failed in mains that year because many could not complete the question paper. I was extremely confident of getting through and I did! I got 42 marks more than the cutoff (PubAd was still not satisfactory but okay). I prepared very hard for interviews and made so many friends on forum that year. Neanderthal (cant find his username now) used to stay in the apartments opposite UPSC and used to update everyday about the results - aaj aa raha hai, board saaf nahi hua, board aaj saaf ho raha hai !!@Neyawn and I think Liverpool used to discuss a lot of stuff. Had few more friends but don't remember their username and telling their real names isn't required. Finally, on June 12th the final result came and I was super confident that I used to tell my friends ki pdf mein naam toh hoga, bas rank dekhna hai.. and I was confident of a decent rank! but "ctrl+F" gave me a sound! I was numb!! so numb that I did not know what to say or do. Saw my marks, missed it by 32 marks. Got effed in Interview, which I think went well. DK Diwan board - who was esp famous then asking the induction motor question in interview! (I thought Rajni Razdan would be the worst board but this was even worse - the way he used to smirk if you didn't answer his question). 3 of my close friends were in the list! 2 are IPS and 1 is IFS (who, now are so helpful if I need some work done). Funniest event was that my undergrad roomate mistook me for crazyphoton and sent a text - "Bhai top kar diya kya tune?". Apparently he got a TOI notification of the sort - "Gaurav tops CSE 2013".
Gathered myself in the next few days, started prepping for 2014 prelims - this time, I did silliest of silly mistakes in CSAT and my chances seemed thin! Somehow, I made it. Cutoff was 209 and I got 212. Worked hard this time - made my answers super crisp, took essay practice tests, a lot of help from Pavan sir - he obliged to check my GS answers too and I would go get atleast 6-7 answers checked every day. He knew me well because the IFS friend and I used to go to him in 2013 for test series. Once again, I did well in Mains - people were still struggling to complete the paper that year too but I could finish all my papers. That definitely adds 5-10 marks in each paper if you write the right content. Fortunately, I was through this time too. I got average performance in Interview - Vinay Mittal board but my marks in ethics and pubAd seemed to pull me back and I missed the final list by 21 marks. I was just unable to stand up when I got that
As a backup I had applied to a university in Singapore for Masters admission (IIT undergrad required no test scores, detailed application) so that was a piece of cake for me. The week before the final results, I had an admit from there. I went there, did my 1 year masters but was still after UPSC. I took my 4th attempt in 2015 and then went to Singapore. That was the year CSAT was not to be graded. I never imagined that this would happen but I missed prelims by 0.66 mark!! By then India bhai had become a pro in finding the information about result dates. That night, when the results were to come, I remember staring the screen, with the same
I came back home, took my prelims and went back to Singapore to join my new job - the first proper job. This time, I missed prelims by 0.33 mark!!!! But it was less painful because I had a backup that would at least satisfy me monetarily. This time I decided to buy a super expensive F1 ticket and watch the race! I decided to be wise with my last attempt and took a break in 2017. End of 2017, I felt that void (of wasting time in SG and not working on my goal) so badly that I quit my job, came back to Delhi in 2017 end and prepared for 2018.
This time, I stayed in ORN with a friend who was writing his first attempt and so both of us were pumped up! Between the both of us, we did more than 150 practice papers for prelims! But as luck would have it, I missed prelims this time as well! I did not bother to check by how much because it didn't matter. My situation was weird - I quit a well paying job for a dead end and now they won't take me because immigration rules changed in Singapore. I decided to apply for a Research position in the same university I did my Masters from and a professor had funding, who employed me. Going there as a Research staff was easier. Finally, I decided to apply for a PhD position in the US because SG was a little too restrictive for foreigners. I didn't get PhD offers because I was chasing the top 20 schools in AI/ML and didn't have such a profile. Nonetheless, an Ivy league gave me an offer to join it's masters program which I accepted in 2020 and finally graduated in May this year. I am writing this from my office (somehow my profile/interviews went so well, that I have a personal office of my own in a fortune 500 firm - which is a huge achievement for me).
So, all in all, I didn't get through, maybe it wasn't meant to be. I thought missing prelims by 0.66 or 0.33 or missing final list by 30ish marks needed a little extra effort but maybe that was a signal to exit early. But all this gyan one can give in retrospect! When you know you came so close, then why not do it again. It's extremely difficult to decide in the moment whether to quit or continue. Nonetheless, eventually, everyone finds their path. The void of becoming an IPS will always be there, no matter what. I still have that hope that one day I will come back to Lutyens delhi as a lateral entry official! Let's see if that day comes!
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