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UPSC CSE NOT-SUCCESSFUL-YET PAIN STORIES !

2016 graduation from NIT, left job in aug 2017 
2017 sep prep started

2018 mains 150 marks short - 1st hai idea h nh laga mains ka

2019 csat failed , koi nahi agla ache se dena jai

2020 mains , missed UR cutoff by 16 marks . 

2021 mains , 40 marks short , gs increased ,optional essay reduced.

2022 mains , begging to God for the interview call.

2021 Nabard Mains out , 2022 rbi grade b missed final list.

Here i am after 5 gap years . No backup ,still hoping cse to happen
 
But from inside exhausted mentally , will be 29 years in december , still single also :p

Next attempt not possible to give w/o solid backup. 

But how to accept the reality , still figuring out . 

Sometimes just don't get how these years went , kuch backup lelena tha ab tak , pagalo ki tarah deta h gya attempts 

  reminding me of the lines from antim uchai

कितना आसान होता चलते चले जाना 

यदि केवल हम चलते होते 

बाक़ी सब रुका होता। 

मैंने अक्सर इस ऊलजलूल दुनिया को 

दस सिरों से सोचने और बीस हाथों से पाने की कोशिश में 

अपने लिए बेहद मुश्किल बना लिया है। 

शुरू-शुरू में सब यही चाहते हैं 

कि सब कुछ शुरू से शुरू हो, 

लेकिन अंत तक पहुँचते-पहुँचते हिम्मत हार जाते हैं। 

हमें कोई दिलचस्पी नहीं रहती 

कि वह सब कैसे समाप्त होता है 

जो इतनी धूमधाम से शुरू हुआ था 

हमारे चाहने पर। 

Solidarity.

On a similar boat as you, also missed the RBI 2022 bus recently.

The poem you quoted reminds me of one of Fiaz's poems, which I find a little less depressing:

"Naarsai(failure) agar apni takdir thi,

Teri Ulfat to apni hi tadbir thi,

Kisko sikwa he gar shokh ke silsile,

Hijr ki qatlgahon se sab jaa mile..."

(The next few lines of the poem are bit optimistic)

(Apt when we have to seriously look for a backup and halt the cse journey)

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