apparently i wrote some days back on depression that i and other fellow aspirants are... today to be honest i'm writing to relieve my brain stress maybe get myself a bit pacified that other people are in same boat..
i feel scared.. honestly dont even know how to feel anymore.. with time going by and life and time running ahead and still im not ready to pick up anything either be books or feelings or anything.. the look of books still is giving me jitters.. thats when im on antidepressants.. i feel that whether its worth the effort.. the pain..the saddness.. the famous chakravyuh in short..
im going to be 28 next month.. with things being weird at home... with my mother constantly pestering me for groom hunting.. my b.f. busting his ass off doing m.b.a and upsc preparation alongside( dnt get wrong ideas.. hes also the same age.. got enlightenment last year after 4upsc attempts ki m.b.a kr lete h.. got bits pilani - lucky ass i know)..
and my sister saying u can do better than him.. my brain is just fufffff... dnt know what is right and wrong nymore... kabhi kabhi hum jivan k 1 ese mod pe khade hote h ki aage ka rasta hote hue bhi dikhta nahi h..
i just dont know anymore how to react to anything.. thanks to darling upsc dnt have any friends left.. samjh ni paa rahi ki kya kru kya naa kru... on the top of it my classmate in coaching when she got to know im in depression.. she blamed me for it.. dnt take things to heart..with giving me all weird ideas.. ranging from watching netflix and smelling flowers to mastrubating.. beleive me i have no idea as to how to react..
i know u might feel im ranting.. this that .. but beleive me im popping pills inside like a candy struck child eating toffies .. eating 8 medicines a day.. i believe i can rant.. have a right.. u might like or not like it..
dnt know how to react.. would like to get a piece of mind... if u intend to after reading all this!!!!
please be my guest