kya karu kya na karu.. yeh kesi uljhan haye..

unacheivednirvana

| 3 year(s) ago

hey,

apparently i wrote some days back on depression that i and other fellow aspirants are... today to be honest i'm writing to relieve my brain stress maybe get myself a bit pacified that other people are in same boat..

i feel scared.. honestly dont even know how to feel anymore.. with time going by and life and time running ahead and still im not ready to pick up anything either be books or feelings or anything.. the look of books still is giving me jitters.. thats when im on antidepressants.. i feel that whether its worth the effort.. the pain..the saddness.. the famous chakravyuh in short..

im going to be 28 next month.. with things being weird at home... with my mother constantly pestering me for groom hunting.. my b.f. busting his ass off doing m.b.a and upsc preparation alongside( dnt get wrong ideas.. hes also the same age.. got enlightenment last year after 4upsc attempts ki m.b.a kr lete h.. got bits pilani - lucky ass i know)..

and my sister saying u can do better than him.. my brain is just fufffff... dnt know what is right and wrong nymore... kabhi kabhi hum jivan k 1 ese mod pe khade hote h ki aage ka rasta hote hue bhi dikhta nahi h..

i just dont know anymore how to react to anything.. thanks to darling upsc dnt have any friends left.. samjh ni paa rahi ki kya kru kya naa kru... on the top of it my classmate in coaching when she got to know im in depression.. she blamed me for it.. dnt take things to heart..with giving me all weird ideas.. ranging from watching netflix and smelling flowers to mastrubating.. beleive me i have no idea as to how to react..

i know u might feel im ranting.. this that .. but beleive me im popping pills inside like a candy struck child eating toffies .. eating 8 medicines a day.. i believe i can rant.. have a right.. u might like or not like it..

dnt know how to react.. would like to get a piece of mind... if u intend to after reading all this!!!!

please be my guest

Stoic,Auroraand6 otherslike this

36 comments

user_49652

commented 3 year(s) ago

Deleted

@skandagupta And i cleared prelims with my poor RC skills so dont need a certificate from a useless person like you.

commented 3 year(s) ago

Phoebebuffaysaid
@skandagupta And i cleared prelims with my poor RC skills so dont need a certificate from a useless person like you.

Cool atb for mains. No need to lose temper!

commented 3 year(s) ago

@Phoebebuffay Smelly Cat! Smelly Cat ! what are they feeding you?

(Apologies... but got carried away by your username) :)

commented 3 year(s) ago

@Phoebebuffay you are right on point and i appreciate that there are ladies (i have not encountered any except you) that get that "sexism works both ways".

commented 3 year(s) ago

@tryingsomething thankyou for saying what all you said. Especially this expiry date thing.

I am 29 and my family has already assumed that i don't want to marry or now i will not get anyone.

Everyone keeps making fun that by now i should have two kids. I hvae only 2 attempts left.

Now i dont know what to do. Should i get married or play this upsc gamble for 2 more years.. i bave spent 3 months just thinking .

There seems no way.

Life at home is hell..being treated like i should help in household chores , why am i not doing anything with my life . I can never find a job.

What should one do, when nobody around you can get you..its a different battle altogether.

Then i feel like why am i going through this hell?? But i didn't do anything wrong.

Now the issue is not of exam only..its whether will i get married or end up alone in life

Yesterday my sister was giving me an example of old lady ..living all by herself in a flat..

Said your life will also be same..

unacheivednirvana,

commented 3 year(s) ago

@Phoenix25754 give upsc.. I am 28 years old..I left my job in 2016 to prepare for engineering services exam..I couldn't clear the phase 1..my father diagnosed with stage 2 cancer.then lot of family issues happened..after surgery my father is fine .but I suffered from anxiety disorders & severe depression.

After 2 years of medication, unproductive time I am felling now a little better..both my parents are retired..they are saying me to give other exam..I have only 4 attempts left..will give this attempt wholeheartedly..they I will think about next step.

Life is not a place with just rainbow & sunshine.It's a dirty and nasty place we have to take one step at a time.

I really hope you will give UPSC and you will clear it I hope that you must have listened to that song by Rabindranath Tagore ekla chalo re.

Phoenix25754,unacheivednirvana

commented 3 year(s) ago

LeoMessisaid
@Phoenix25754 give upsc.. I am 28 years old..I left my job in 2016 to prepare for engineering services exam..I couldn't clear the phase 1..my father diagnosed with stage 2 cancer.then lot of family issues happened..after surgery my father is fine .but I suffered from anxiety disorders & severe depression.
After 2 years of medication, unproductive time I am felling now a little better..both my parents are retired..they are saying me to give other exam..I have only 4 attempts left..will give this attempt wholeheartedly..they I will think about next step.
Life is not a place with just rainbow & sunshine.It's a dirty and nasty place we have to take one step at a time.
I really hope you will give UPSC and you will clear it I hope that you must have listened to that song by Rabindranath Tagore ekla chalo re.

@unacheivednirvana

commented 3 year(s) ago

Phoenix25754said
@tryingsomething thankyou for saying what all you said. Especially this expiry date thing.
I am 29 and my family has already assumed that i don't want to marry or now i will not get anyone.

Everyone keeps making fun that by now i should have two kids. I hvae only 2 attempts left.
Now i dont know what to do. Should i get married or play this upsc gamble for 2 more years.. i bave spent 3 months just thinking .
There seems no way.
Life at home is hell..being treated like i should help in household chores , why am i not doing anything with my life . I can never find a job.

What should one do, when nobody around you can get you..its a different battle altogether.
Then i feel like why am i going through this hell?? But i didn't do anything wrong.
Now the issue is not of exam only..its whether will i get married or end up alone in life
Yesterday my sister was giving me an example of old lady ..living all by herself in a flat..
Said your life will also be same..

There is no word like expiry date....its just aunty uncle stuff...there is so much to life ....29 is not late in any case..whether for marriage or for career.... pls dont be demotivated.......get out of your house anyhow...you will find your way........this is same case with everyone..and corona and 2020 attempt made it worse......be strong girl.......

Phoenix25754,

unacheivednirvana .

commented 3 year(s) ago

@Phoebebuffay I feel u sister.... Whatever u have done is enough... Let everything go to hell just fill the goddamn pages... Most important... Baki jo hoga dekha jayega... I know you might feel kya bakwas h yeh but this is what u need at this time... I know u might feel ki aur na ho paega ... But when u have jumped into the river u'll have swim across... Bs maan m soch k jao ki paper bharna h relativity k hisab se...maybe u get through and if u do.. kindly let me know .. as far as the problems go we can talk about it after mains... Msg me... Anytime..

unacheivednirvana .

commented 3 year(s) ago

@Phoebebuffay calm down boy!!! U can't change people's opinions & shouldn't try to.. everyone is entitled to their own poison... Let it go!!!

unacheivednirvana .

commented 3 year(s) ago

@Phoenix25754 ...

I dnt wish to intrude but can u say few words from my side to your sister " ITS BETTER LIVING ON MY OWN TERMS THAN ENDING UP WITH AN IDIOT WHO TURNS OUT TO MAKE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL!! AS FOR U MY DEAREST U CAN GO AND GET MARRIED WITH AS MUCH MEN AS U WANT!!! MARRY ONE FOR ME TOO!! ITS A FREE COUNTRY!!"

Thank u...

I do know it might seem offensive but it is ..

And to my surprise when I was writing this comment my mother came and read and said that they are right... Ab tumko kese samjhae... I replied koi fayda nahi h... So do the same...

Yes if u want peace of mind... Let them start looking for guys... Just be very picky if they show u... There is no condition that u can't reject people.. right 🤔

Be smart... Dnt try to confront them.. no point only escalation of issue...

Try being diplomatic... Tell them to go on any x y z matrimony... Let them have fun of their lives... U can ultimately reject ... Have fun... Upsc ne tumhe reject kia.. u reject others.. I know it sound mean but at times it's important for self peace...

Please dnt be offended by this

unacheivednirvana .

commented 3 year(s) ago

@LeoMessi .. really appreciate your enthusiasm... Keep it up... if you Need help msg me... Plz tag because otherwise I may not see... I hope you reach your goal.. my doctor says 1line when I'm all complaints "STOP CARING ABOUT ANYONE. LISTEN TO EVERYONE BUT DO WHAT YOU WANT"

I know maybe this doesn't make sense but what really does these days..

So jo dil ko acha lge kro

commented 3 year(s) ago

@LeoMessi you are too strong person..yes i will definitely give and clear it.

Have not heard the song but definitely will :)

All the best to you too!!!

LeoMessi,

commented 3 year(s) ago

@Avocado thankyou..yeah covid made it far worse..earlier was living in pg far from this family drama..but ab jo hai..so hai..

Winning is about rising above our problmes i guess.. :)

commented 3 year(s) ago

@unacheivednirvana hahahaha..no offences taken..thanku for this thread..helped to know there are people going through same life shit..

I dont care much about their opinions..its just that when you hear it day in and out

It slowly starts affecting you...like A slow poison..

One taunt here ..another joke there..and slowly they get the worst out of you.

To them i am having the time of my life..i wish they could live my life for just a day or be in my head..

But that's how it is for most people i guess..

That's what society and some families do to people who don't go by their definition of successful life..

Actually i get it all..but sometimes they get to me..

I know entrepreneurs, doctors n many other professsions face same thing..

Its just few in the limelight of all make it a glittery world.

More power to you and All the best :)

unacheivednirvana .

commented 3 year(s) ago

@Phoenix25754 believe me I get u girl... My mother has 2 colleagues above 40 & they are the perfect guinea pig example at my place.. kbhi kbhi dil krta h sadak pe nikal jau.. pehle ladke se shadi krlu.. aur bhag jau.. then I tell myself it's a bad idea.... 🤣

Ab to jeena yaha marna yaha...Dr ne kaha inko na sunna..

Jokes apart... Comment here whenever you feel low... Someone or else will definitely talk u out of it...

It's better to feel light by talking to strangers rather than any FAKE FRIENDS..

Chill kro..

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