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CSE 2021: Plan / Strategy / Daily Routine

Hello 2021 aspirants. I thought it would be nice if we can share what we are doing and intend to do with one another here.

This could be a thread for discussing everything prep for 2021. 

No one method fits all but to see the plans and progress made by fellow aspirants might help with the finer details of preparation and also keep one on track. 

Moderator Update: This thread has crossed 1 million views and has thousands of comments slowing down the website. We are closing this and moving to the next thread

https://forumias.com/post/detail/Official-How-was-Mains-2021-Paper-Essay-and-GS-Discussion-1641542963#main_comment


jack_Sparrow,rootand121 otherslike this
1.9m views

6.6k comments

Good morning friends! Ready to rock and roll after some meh days. Targets for 21.06:

1. Incidentals

  a. Ankification

  b. News

2. 4 Econ booklets

1. Done

2. 75% done. Will try to finish off more before I sleep

Today was a very satisfactory day. Need to change a few things for better workflow. Moving my workout slot to the morning instead of the evening because it's taking up a lot of time when I'm at my most productive. 


P.S. Here's a link to a guided meditation video for resilience that I found really helpful when I was feeling terrible (literally made me tear up). Do check it out if you're feeling stuck. I hope it helps :)

ETA the link (it was redirecting to the Forum home page for some reason): 

ssver2,Rashmirathiand5 otherslike this
3.3k views

21st june

1st dose of vaccination ✔

Optional 1hr lecture ✔

Culture - Indian architecture , sculpture & pottery ( 3-4 hr)

CSAT -2 hr

CA class & newspaper -3 hr



Optional 1hr lecture ✔

Culture - Indian architecture , sculpture & pottery ( 3-4 hr)✔

CSAT - 1hr ✔

CA class ✖

newspaper ✔


Average day . Baaki Ka bacha hua kal dekhenge .

ssver2,Archandand5 otherslike this
3.7k views
» show previous quotes

Chill. If you are quantifying with no. of hours of study. Leave that.

May be follow any test series schedule. prepare and write test. This would ensure atleast you move an inch if not a big step. Studying without targets often leads to this. Study multiple subjects so that even if you able to cover even subject properly, you would feel good. If 5:00 pm is deadline leave that subject and cover other subject.

Niche wala para of yours is basically emotional shit. 90% of people from DU/JNU are like this only. Unhe kahin job bhi nhi milega. LOL. Childhood dream L**a La**un... No one cares about your dream or anyone else so just cribbing if you want to.

Parents economically sound hai toh chill krro why to take a job. May be jinke taunt krr rhe hai unke nhi honge. Be honest to yourself. Parents ko tumahre personal success se proud hona pade, I believe kisi ke parents itne selfish nhi hote. CHILL KRRO. Society has made IAS as trophy of reco, nothing else. If you get it, you get it, does not matter you deserve it or not. Esp in this random exam whose keys not even toppers have.


I don't want to bring any negativity on this lovely thread, but I just want to request you to consider being more empathetic here. People are going through very difficult times and we don't know what their struggles are. Even if you are not able to empathise with someone's pain or distress, please consider not disparaging it so rudely. It may really hurt someone - I'm sure you don't want to do that, especially when we don't know what they are already going through. 

There are scores of online places where people can go and share their thoughts, but very few where they can share their feelings and struggles. There are many places where we can go say something and make ourselves feel smarter, but very few where we can say something to make ourselves feel less lonely and encouraged. Please don't say "emotional shit" when someone does that. Things like this may discourage people from being open and drive them away from here.

Many eople before you and me have shared very personal experiences and feelings about this exam and life, and contributed to making it the supportive, kind place it is. Just out of generosity and empathy. Even if you don't like it, please consider respecting the achievement that it is. All the best to you.

ssver2,Joeyisthebestand22 otherslike this
5k views

So , completed April CA and an essay test.

It was much lighter study schedule today. 

Current affairs on IR need to be done tomorrow

21 June 2021

  1.  Physics - Polarisation and lasers 
  2. CA - IR
  3. Try to read NCERT History ( 2 chapters)




Yayyy, done with all the targets set for today. 

ssver2,Archandand8 otherslike this
3.8k views

EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN
Its been three months now and I havent been in the best of my form academically, which is also affecting me mentally now. Something or the other kept coming up - Second wave, negativity all around, uncertainity about exam, personal issues at home and so on. I thought this phase will end soon. But three months later, I am back where I was . Life has come full circle . I was in a similar boat last year and it took a lot of time to get over this rut, which ended up accounting for my poor performance in prelims. And now, even after UPSC gave us 4 more months, I haven't been able to do anything concrete. It scares me now. The fact that perhaps 2020 will repeat itself in 2021. Can't afford to waste one more year. And somehow , even if I do end up wasting this year, I am so sure that I'll be at the exact same place in 2022 as well. 
And the worst part is, that no one forced me to prepare for it. You hear people who say that UPSC was my childhood dream; well I am that person. Every decision that I have taken in my life till now, has revolved around me getting closer to this dream of mine. Got a very good placement offer in college which I happily didnt accept because I never ever ever wanted to go down that road. And I can proudly say that I dont regret that decision even a bit. I wanted to focus full power to make my dream a reality. But today it feels that maybe dreams are only meant to be dreams. I was always, always a good student. A mischevious kid who would always outshine the nerds of the class. But who cares about it now??? Where did all of it go when it really matters?? 
Is this the end? Is this my destiny?? A failure?? My parents have done so so much for me even when I was in the lowest phase of my life. They have always stood by me as a rock. I see my friends being taunted by their parents to get a job, be independent, get married and stuff, but my parents never ever made me feel that. Never forced me to study. Never forced me to do something that I dont want to.  It feels soo sad to think oof the fact that I am not able to make them proud. This is not just my dream, it is theirs too and I am failing them everyday. Its not a race against others anymore, it's a struggle to better my own self every single day, but maybe I dont have it in me. 

Chill. If you are quantifying with no. of hours of study. Leave that.

May be follow any test series schedule. prepare and write test. This would ensure atleast you move an inch if not a big step. Studying without targets often leads to this. Study multiple subjects so that even if you able to cover even subject properly, you would feel good. If 5:00 pm is deadline leave that subject and cover other subject.

Niche wala para of yours is basically emotional shit. 90% of people from DU/JNU are like this only. Unhe kahin job bhi nhi milega. LOL. Childhood dream L**a La**un... No one cares about your dream or anyone else so just cribbing if you want to.

Parents economically sound hai toh chill krro why to take a job. May be jinke taunt krr rhe hai unke nhi honge. Be honest to yourself. Parents ko tumahre personal success se proud hona pade, I believe kisi ke parents itne selfish nhi hote. CHILL KRRO. Society has made IAS as trophy of reco, nothing else. If you get it, you get it, does not matter you deserve it or not. Esp in this random exam whose keys not even toppers have.


Please just shut up. 

ssver2,BurtMacklin_FBIand15 otherslike this
4.1k views
» show previous quotes

Chill. If you are quantifying with no. of hours of study. Leave that.

May be follow any test series schedule. prepare and write test. This would ensure atleast you move an inch if not a big step. Studying without targets often leads to this. Study multiple subjects so that even if you able to cover even subject properly, you would feel good. If 5:00 pm is deadline leave that subject and cover other subject.

Niche wala para of yours is basically emotional shit. 90% of people from DU/JNU are like this only. Unhe kahin job bhi nhi milega. LOL. Childhood dream L**a La**un... No one cares about your dream or anyone else so just cribbing if you want to.

Parents economically sound hai toh chill krro why to take a job. May be jinke taunt krr rhe hai unke nhi honge. Be honest to yourself. Parents ko tumahre personal success se proud hona pade, I believe kisi ke parents itne selfish nhi hote. CHILL KRRO. Society has made IAS as trophy of reco, nothing else. If you get it, you get it, does not matter you deserve it or not. Esp in this random exam whose keys not even toppers have.


Please go spread your prime toxicity on twitter. Not here! If you can't be empathetic, better stay away! 

ssver2,AJ_and3 otherslike this
3.1k views
» show previous quotes

Chill. If you are quantifying with no. of hours of study. Leave that.

May be follow any test series schedule. prepare and write test. This would ensure atleast you move an inch if not a big step. Studying without targets often leads to this. Study multiple subjects so that even if you able to cover even subject properly, you would feel good. If 5:00 pm is deadline leave that subject and cover other subject.

Niche wala para of yours is basically emotional shit. 90% of people from DU/JNU are like this only. Unhe kahin job bhi nhi milega. LOL. Childhood dream L**a La**un... No one cares about your dream or anyone else so just cribbing if you want to.

Parents economically sound hai toh chill krro why to take a job. May be jinke taunt krr rhe hai unke nhi honge. Be honest to yourself. Parents ko tumahre personal success se proud hona pade, I believe kisi ke parents itne selfish nhi hote. CHILL KRRO. Society has made IAS as trophy of reco, nothing else. If you get it, you get it, does not matter you deserve it or not. Esp in this random exam whose keys not even toppers have.


I don't want to bring any negativity on this lovely thread, but I just want to request you to consider being more empathetic here. People are going through very difficult times and we don't know what their struggles are. Even if you are not able to empathise with someone's pain or distress, please consider not disparaging it so rudely. It may really hurt someone - I'm sure you don't want to do that, especially when we don't know what they are already going through. 

There are scores of online places where people can go and share their thoughts, but very few where they can share their feelings and struggles. There are many places where we can go say something and make ourselves feel smarter, but very few where we can say something to make ourselves feel less lonely and encouraged. Please don't say "emotional shit" when someone does that. Things like this may discourage people from being open and drive them away from here.

Many eople before you and me have shared very personal experiences and feelings about this exam and life, and contributed to making it the supportive, kind place it is. Just out of generosity and empathy. Even if you don't like it, please consider respecting the achievement that it is. All the best to you.

So you decide whose comment is encouraging and whose discouraging? LOL. How you are more empathetic and me lesser. May be your interpretation of my statement were less empathetic, may be you lack empathy! Is it so ? 


Jai Shree Ram !


3.2k views
» show previous quotes

Chill. If you are quantifying with no. of hours of study. Leave that.

May be follow any test series schedule. prepare and write test. This would ensure atleast you move an inch if not a big step. Studying without targets often leads to this. Study multiple subjects so that even if you able to cover even subject properly, you would feel good. If 5:00 pm is deadline leave that subject and cover other subject.

Niche wala para of yours is basically emotional shit. 90% of people from DU/JNU are like this only. Unhe kahin job bhi nhi milega. LOL. Childhood dream L**a La**un... No one cares about your dream or anyone else so just cribbing if you want to.

Parents economically sound hai toh chill krro why to take a job. May be jinke taunt krr rhe hai unke nhi honge. Be honest to yourself. Parents ko tumahre personal success se proud hona pade, I believe kisi ke parents itne selfish nhi hote. CHILL KRRO. Society has made IAS as trophy of reco, nothing else. If you get it, you get it, does not matter you deserve it or not. Esp in this random exam whose keys not even toppers have.


Please go spread your prime toxicity on twitter. Not here! If you can't be empathetic, better stay away! 

update your interpretation




Jai Shree Ram !


3.2k views

EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN
Its been three months now and I havent been in the best of my form academically, which is also affecting me mentally now. Something or the other kept coming up - Second wave, negativity all around, uncertainity about exam, personal issues at home and so on. I thought this phase will end soon. But three months later, I am back where I was . Life has come full circle . I was in a similar boat last year and it took a lot of time to get over this rut, which ended up accounting for my poor performance in prelims. And now, even after UPSC gave us 4 more months, I haven't been able to do anything concrete. It scares me now. The fact that perhaps 2020 will repeat itself in 2021. Can't afford to waste one more year. And somehow , even if I do end up wasting this year, I am so sure that I'll be at the exact same place in 2022 as well. 
And the worst part is, that no one forced me to prepare for it. You hear people who say that UPSC was my childhood dream; well I am that person. Every decision that I have taken in my life till now, has revolved around me getting closer to this dream of mine. Got a very good placement offer in college which I happily didnt accept because I never ever ever wanted to go down that road. And I can proudly say that I dont regret that decision even a bit. I wanted to focus full power to make my dream a reality. But today it feels that maybe dreams are only meant to be dreams. I was always, always a good student. A mischevious kid who would always outshine the nerds of the class. But who cares about it now??? Where did all of it go when it really matters?? 
Is this the end? Is this my destiny?? A failure?? My parents have done so so much for me even when I was in the lowest phase of my life. They have always stood by me as a rock. I see my friends being taunted by their parents to get a job, be independent, get married and stuff, but my parents never ever made me feel that. Never forced me to study. Never forced me to do something that I dont want to.  It feels soo sad to think oof the fact that I am not able to make them proud. This is not just my dream, it is theirs too and I am failing them everyday. Its not a race against others anymore, it's a struggle to better my own self every single day, but maybe I dont have it in me. 

Chill. If you are quantifying with no. of hours of study. Leave that.

May be follow any test series schedule. prepare and write test. This would ensure atleast you move an inch if not a big step. Studying without targets often leads to this. Study multiple subjects so that even if you able to cover even subject properly, you would feel good. If 5:00 pm is deadline leave that subject and cover other subject.

Niche wala para of yours is basically emotional shit. 90% of people from DU/JNU are like this only. Unhe kahin job bhi nhi milega. LOL. Childhood dream L**a La**un... No one cares about your dream or anyone else so just cribbing if you want to.

Parents economically sound hai toh chill krro why to take a job. May be jinke taunt krr rhe hai unke nhi honge. Be honest to yourself. Parents ko tumahre personal success se proud hona pade, I believe kisi ke parents itne selfish nhi hote. CHILL KRRO. Society has made IAS as trophy of reco, nothing else. If you get it, you get it, does not matter you deserve it or not. Esp in this random exam whose keys not even toppers have.


Please just shut up. 

That was rude. Abhi kisi ne bola, iss thread pe people are nice.




Jai Shree Ram !


3.2k views
» show previous quotes

So you decide whose comment is encouraging and whose discouraging? LOL. How you are more empathetic and me lesser. May be your interpretation of my statement were less empathetic, may be you lack empathy! Is it so ? 

Hey, you have been really really rude to many people. Understand other's state of mind and then comment. Understand what hell that person might be going through that he has to open up his vulnerabilities. Your comments in no way boosts up other person's spirit. Be little empathetic and don't say anything which harms anyone. 

You have had a history of such things. If you can't do good, better don't give advice and make this place toxic.

ssver2,BurtMacklin_FBIand8 otherslike this
3.8k views
» show previous quotes

update your interpretation



Update your 'heart'. 

Hereafter, I refuse to engage with someone who lacks basic decency to react to someone's concerns with empathy. Don't 'lol' stuff over which you don't have an iota of idea about. The least about someone's personal journey. You can do much better than being this 9pm anonymous troll! I wish you well. 

ssver2,BurtMacklin_FBIand14 otherslike this
3k views
» show previous quotes» show previous quotes

So you decide whose comment is encouraging and whose discouraging? LOL. How you are more empathetic and me lesser. May be your interpretation of my statement were less empathetic, may be you lack empathy! Is it so ? 

I have been wanting to point this out for a while now but I didnt. I just HAVE to ask you if everything's okay? Is something bothering you? Do you feel antagonized here because your comments are not well received generally? I can definitely understand if all your comments come from a place where you have made up an image in your head that people will attack you no matter what so why not just go ahead and be bitter anyway.


You seem to take such an aggressive attacking stance, assume what people will say, assume what they feel and absolutely refuse to hear a person out. This really seems to be stemming from some prejudice that you have in your head. Please, please try to listen to what others are saying without assuming that they're intentionally trying to offend you or your ideas or your beliefs. You're cynical about this exam and aspects of it but not everyone is. Try to understand that sensitivity and emotions in people vary and you can't be the judge of what amount of emotions are right. Not everyone has to share your opinion of this exam, of how to go about it and of anything else, for that matter.


You did try to offer a good advice but the next paragraph was so negative and judgmental that it spoiled any good intention that you had. You cant decide who is employable, you cant decide if a person's cribbing. Actually if you don't wanna listen to people "crib", just don't read comments. As simple as that. But for God's sake, don't go around doing this. The times are tough, we all have our battles and we seek support here. Don't make it more difficult. 


It's very simple really. When someone's vulnerable - support them, don't debate with them or show your disagreement. Its uncalled for. Take care of yourself.


PS -If possible, take out some time and read up on mental health issues. For a healthy person, nihilism and cynicism can be a way of life, a discussion to be done over tea and coffee but for someone suffering from depression and anxiety, it can create a trigger with severe repercussions. Refrain from saying anything negative when someone's discussing an issue of this magnitude.  

ssver2,chamomileand14 otherslike this
2.9k views

Good morning friends! Ready to rock and roll after some meh days. Targets for 21.06:

1. Incidentals

  a. Ankification

  b. News

2. 4 Econ booklets

1. Done

2. 75% done. Will try to finish off more before I sleep

Today was a very satisfactory day. Need to change a few things for better workflow. Moving my workout slot to the morning instead of the evening because it's taking up a lot of time when I'm at my most productive. 


P.S.Here'sa link to a guided meditation video for resilience that I found really helpful when I was feeling terrible (literally made me tear up). Do check it out if you're feeling stuck. I hope it helps :)

Issues with the link bhai

fortarach63,
2.9k views

There is something that has been bothering me for a while & I think I should put it down in words. 


I’ve been abysmally low for the last few days. Some personal messages on this forum that were trying to ‘help’ me triggered this bout of sadness. 


I tried to be as honest with myself as I could when I was judging my day’s work. This seems to have given some people the idea that they too can be honest with me about their observations about me. I have complete information about myself. You don’t. You’ve no idea about all the shit I’ve been through. You’ve no idea how long I’ve been in this game. You’ve no idea that sometimes in life, you just can’t help but wait for things to get better. So, however good-intentioned your advice & suggestions & observations are, you are tone-deaf and you’ve ended up hurting me deeply. I can defend myself on most of the criticisms (some of them might have been correct too & totally valid) but I won’t. I was here for my own good. 


I don’t know if I’ll continue to post here. If I do start posting, just remember my inbox isn’t open to strangers. 


All the people on this thread, you all have been amazing. 

lol


ssver2,AJ_and9 otherslike this
2.9k views
» show previous quotes

Chill. If you are quantifying with no. of hours of study. Leave that.

May be follow any test series schedule. prepare and write test. This would ensure atleast you move an inch if not a big step. Studying without targets often leads to this. Study multiple subjects so that even if you able to cover even subject properly, you would feel good. If 5:00 pm is deadline leave that subject and cover other subject.

Niche wala para of yours is basically emotional shit. 90% of people from DU/JNU are like this only. Unhe kahin job bhi nhi milega. LOL. Childhood dream L**a La**un... No one cares about your dream or anyone else so just cribbing if you want to.

Parents economically sound hai toh chill krro why to take a job. May be jinke taunt krr rhe hai unke nhi honge. Be honest to yourself. Parents ko tumahre personal success se proud hona pade, I believe kisi ke parents itne selfish nhi hote. CHILL KRRO. Society has made IAS as trophy of reco, nothing else. If you get it, you get it, does not matter you deserve it or not. Esp in this random exam whose keys not even toppers have.


Please go spread your prime toxicity on twitter. Not here! If you can't be empathetic, better stay away! 

let him be!! you cant change hate with hate.. try to convince him why he is wrong,maybe he is not wrong at all or maybe he is , maybe his approach is nihilistic......Arguing in extremes will entrench his thinking.

@babu_bisleri thda empathy lao bhai....aur yeh 90% ka stat kaha se aaya, DU walo se kya  dushmani hai bhai,2nd time attack kar rhe ho :'(

ssver2,MaeveWileyand1 otherslike this
2.7k views
» show previous quotes

Chill. If you are quantifying with no. of hours of study. Leave that.

May be follow any test series schedule. prepare and write test. This would ensure atleast you move an inch if not a big step. Studying without targets often leads to this. Study multiple subjects so that even if you able to cover even subject properly, you would feel good. If 5:00 pm is deadline leave that subject and cover other subject.

Niche wala para of yours is basically emotional shit. 90% of people from DU/JNU are like this only. Unhe kahin job bhi nhi milega. LOL. Childhood dream L**a La**un... No one cares about your dream or anyone else so just cribbing if you want to.

Parents economically sound hai toh chill krro why to take a job. May be jinke taunt krr rhe hai unke nhi honge. Be honest to yourself. Parents ko tumahre personal success se proud hona pade, I believe kisi ke parents itne selfish nhi hote. CHILL KRRO. Society has made IAS as trophy of reco, nothing else. If you get it, you get it, does not matter you deserve it or not. Esp in this random exam whose keys not even toppers have.


Please go spread your prime toxicity on twitter. Not here! If you can't be empathetic, better stay away! 

let him be!! you cant change hate with hate.. try to convince him why he is wrong,maybe he is not wrong at all or maybe he is , maybe his approach is nihilistic......Arguing in extremes will entrench his thinking.

@babu_bisleri thda empathy lao bhai....aur yeh 90% ka stat kaha se aaya, DU walo se kya  dushmani hai bhai,2nd time attack kar rhe ho :'(

Exactly@babu_bisleri Du colleges are better than our college's ranking why this chauvinism? 

2.6k views

Good morning friends! Ready to rock and roll after some meh days. Targets for 21.06:

1. Incidentals

  a. Ankification

  b. News

2. 4 Econ booklets

1. Done

2. 75% done. Will try to finish off more before I sleep

Today was a very satisfactory day. Need to change a few things for better workflow. Moving my workout slot to the morning instead of the evening because it's taking up a lot of time when I'm at my most productive. 


P.S.Here'sa link to a guided meditation video for resilience that I found really helpful when I was feeling terrible (literally made me tear up). Do check it out if you're feeling stuck. I hope it helps :)

Issues with the link bhai

Idk what happened. It was working when I cross-checked while uploading. Anyways here it is: 

TheSherlock,
2.5k views
» show previous quotes» show previous quotes

That was rude. Abhi kisi ne bola, iss thread pe people are nice.



I am sorry. I don't know if you're hurting or if times have been hard for you, but it's never okay to trivialise others’ feelings. You can't just go dismissing others’ opinions, or head on asking them to toughen up. 

If you ever decide to let this go - this cynical nihilistic attitude...you will see that you're missing out on so much. Most times, people aquire such attitudes as a defence mechanism. Don't let life make you bitter. 

ssver2,AJ_and7 otherslike this
4k views
» show previous quotes

I have been wanting to point this out for a while now but I didnt. I just HAVE to ask you if everything's okay? Is something bothering you? Do you feel antagonized here because your comments are not well received generally? I can definitely understand if all your comments come from a place where you have made up an image in your head that people will attack you no matter what so why not just go ahead and be bitter anyway.


You seem to take such an aggressive attacking stance, assume what people will say, assume what they feel and absolutely refuse to hear a person out. This really seems to be stemming from some prejudice that you have in your head. Please, please try to listen to what others are saying without assuming that they're intentionally trying to offend you or your ideas or your beliefs. You're cynical about this exam and aspects of it but not everyone is. Try to understand that sensitivity and emotions in people vary and you can't be the judge of what amount of emotions are right. Not everyone has to share your opinion of this exam, of how to go about it and of anything else, for that matter.


You did try to offer a good advice but the next paragraph was so negative and judgmental that it spoiled any good intention that you had. You cant decide who is employable, you cant decide if a person's cribbing. Actually if you don't wanna listen to people "crib", just don't read comments. As simple as that. But for God's sake, don't go around doing this. The times are tough, we all have our battles and we seek support here. Don't make it more difficult. 


It's very simple really. When someone's vulnerable - support them, don't debate with them or show your disagreement. Its uncalled for. Take care of yourself. 

Yeah, this was my initial thought process as well. I mean, I asked myself: someone can’t possibly be this mean, so they must be projecting their own frustrations or insecurities in some way right? It’s a complex question. Maybe they are the true victims, and they just need to learn some empathy or about how their actions affect others. Maybe he/she/they deserves sympathy or a shoulder to lean on.

But then I thought again, does this anonymous troll who revels in being a (pardon-my-French) dick on the internet to people I care about really deserve that too? Especially when they are sharing their ”emotional shit”, something I have my fair share of?  That had a really easy answer. A bully is a bully is a bully. I have no time for bullies. And a decent human being stands up to bullies. Whatever the situation.

@babu_bisleri , please just shut up. Your pearls of wisdom on this thread at least are vile and disgusting. Any advice that I or others may offer you is unlikely to reach your ears as they are currently curled up so far up an extremely dark place I don’t want to imagine in my worst nightmare. So, if you do manage to get them out of that place, please say “Eureka!” I’m sure someone would be more than happy to listen to you, offer you support, and tell you everything is going to be alright. Because at the end of the day, no matter what you did, we always believe there’s hope in this world for everyone.


ssver2,AJ_and9 otherslike this
3.6k views

EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN
Its been three months now and I havent been in the best of my form academically, which is also affecting me mentally now. Something or the other kept coming up - Second wave, negativity all around, uncertainity about exam, personal issues at home and so on. I thought this phase will end soon. But three months later, I am back where I was . Life has come full circle . I was in a similar boat last year and it took a lot of time to get over this rut, which ended up accounting for my poor performance in prelims. And now, even after UPSC gave us 4 more months, I haven't been able to do anything concrete. It scares me now. The fact that perhaps 2020 will repeat itself in 2021. Can't afford to waste one more year. And somehow , even if I do end up wasting this year, I am so sure that I'll be at the exact same place in 2022 as well. 
And the worst part is, that no one forced me to prepare for it. You hear people who say that UPSC was my childhood dream; well I am that person. Every decision that I have taken in my life till now, has revolved around me getting closer to this dream of mine. Got a very good placement offer in college which I happily didnt accept because I never ever ever wanted to go down that road. And I can proudly say that I dont regret that decision even a bit. I wanted to focus full power to make my dream a reality. But today it feels that maybe dreams are only meant to be dreams. I was always, always a good student. A mischevious kid who would always outshine the nerds of the class. But who cares about it now??? Where did all of it go when it really matters?? 
Is this the end? Is this my destiny?? A failure?? My parents have done so so much for me even when I was in the lowest phase of my life. They have always stood by me as a rock. I see my friends being taunted by their parents to get a job, be independent, get married and stuff, but my parents never ever made me feel that. Never forced me to study. Never forced me to do something that I dont want to.  It feels soo sad to think oof the fact that I am not able to make them proud. This is not just my dream, it is theirs too and I am failing them everyday. Its not a race against others anymore, it's a struggle to better my own self every single day, but maybe I dont have it in me. 

Hey, I related with you on a lot of levels so I understand what you're going through. I was in a similar space last year. But as@DeekshitaP said, we've got over 100 days now so the battle's far far from being lost just yet. Your parents must be proud seeing you strive so hard for your family's collective dream each day, I'm sure. The fact that you are making an effort to stay consistent and accountable despite so much turmoil speaks volumes of your grit. You just gotta hang in there for a bit and believe in yourself. We are all in this together and it'll pass soon :)

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