Civil Services Mains 2020 Results: In or Out ? Way ahead, gratitude and Pain
The Civils Mains result has been declared. This thread is for sharing your grief , joy , mixed feelings - absolutely anything and everything.
In the past, I've written multiple posts on this platform hoping to uplift myself and the lovely people of this forum before the exams. Our worries at the time seem so trivial to me now, in hindsight.
The last few months have been extremely rough on me. I am well and truly spent mentally. It has been a real struggle to get myself functioning in the way that I feel like my old self again. I like to believe I've made some progress; I tell people I have, but the truth of that is suspect. That is why I have refrained from writing a similar post this time. It wouldn't have been honest or authentic at all. But, I believe the time has now come for us to show strength even when we cannot muster it despite our best efforts. So, I'll try.
This damned virus has taken away so much from a lot of us. It has drained us in ways that we couldn't have imagined in our worst dreams. What we feel is normal, and I really want to say that it will pass, but I don't know for sure that it will.
Each of us have our own struggles. After a while, in this exam, we start thinking of ourselves as numbers. Look at profile bios for example. Attempts: xx; Prelims: xx; Mains: xx; Interviews: xx; AIR:xx. A common template, but such vastly different stories. Each attempt is a new one as far as UPSC is concerned, but we go into it with the baggage (or experience, if you are lucky) of our previous attempts.
It is well and truly a herculean exercise to carry all that weight on our shoulders all the time. So much so that we secretly wish that we could just shrug it off and start afresh; or leave the field altogether. Instead, a lot of the time, even if our minds tell us we can't, we soldier on. We work on making our shoulders stronger. We don't realise it a lot of the time, but that is essentially what we do. Every day we decide to continue carrying that weight, we decide to soldier on and on. We aren't sure of what our choices will achieve; none of us are. Yet, we try.
I don't see any point in romanticising suffering and convincing ourselves that our cause is somehow a noble one. If our shoulders would most definitely collapse under that weight we carry, maybe our best course is to lighten the load or even set it aside completely. We'd still be so much stronger than we were when we started. That's what we get for sure from this struggle. We don't know if we'll win or lose at the end of this all, but we will most definitely be better. All that we can do is try, and try we must, one day at a time. Let's be mindful that we have chosen to do what we are doing right now. This isn't a fate we are condemned to, but a conscious choice. We're all soldiers on the same battlefield fighting extremely different demons in our own heads.
"We choose our own misery and our own pleasure, and sometimes we choose both at the same time." It's an odd place to be, but let's not forget, we chose to be here. If it's a maze that we find ourselves in, we best know that maze and our escape route. Keep faith and continue the search, my lovely people of Forum. That's the best we can do, and that's all we can aspire for. :)
Is there a way to like a post twice ?
Too good buddy
Just an add on to the ongoing thread:
I think one of the biggest drawbacks of this entire cycle of UPSC prep is the romanticism associated with the suffering and the end result that one ensues in this long & taxing journey. The mere recognition of the 'achievement' and 'rank' and not of the glorious struggle that an aspirant undertakes to reach that very rank. To each their own; each individual has an individual story of grit and fortitude viz a viz this prep. That STORY deserves attention irrespective of whether you clear the exam or not. But that would happen in an ideal world which we ain't. The grass always looks greener on the other side of the aisle but what matters is the sheer acknowledgement of the honest effort in the process irrespective of the result. My mental health experience tells me to not get bewildered about the result. I have nothing to lose. Telling this to myself has conditioned my brain and heart to an extent that I have finally had some control over my anxiety and breathing issues. Comparison is a cardinal sin, Bible says. So don't put yourself on a same pedestal with many others. We all have our own life scripts designed to suit our own box office (destiny). Having lost two attempts before, I carry on for the third with one clear perspective with my mind that a little hope is fine to do with. No giant expectations! Hope takes us through life's crests and troughs. Expectations lead to a race. Hope is an under rated concept in our maddening lives. We tend to see another person's story in our journey forgetting that our script might take some extra time to be a hit. Being in a rat race would never help. And it's fine to slow down. It's fine to take an off. It's okay to not be okay. Be safe!
To everyone writing this exam during these troubling times, I wish you the power of hope.
It has been taken up by combined Medical Services exam.
I think Medical Services Exam was already scheduled on 29th Aug in the original calendar. And the same date has also been mentioned as a free day in the calendar.
Haryana,SergioRamos
Panchayat elections results are coming tomorrow.Candidates in my locality are planning to throw a party to celebrate if they win.They are inviting everyone.I am extremely worried about the fallout of such gatherings.I asked one such candidate that why is he planning such thing amid such a pandemic.He said"karona farona kuch ni hai...sarkaar chutiya bana rahi hai..beta kal aao aapko murga khilate hai"
I was speechless.
Panchayat elections results are coming tomorrow.Candidates in my locality are planning to throw a party to celebrate if they win.They are inviting everyone.I am extremely worried about the fallout of such gatherings.I asked one such candidate that why is he planning such thing amid such a pandemic.He said"karona farona kuch ni hai...sarkaar chutiya bana rahi hai..beta kal aao aapko murga khilate hai"
I was speechless.
Because you wanted mutton? :P
MaeveWiley,thesleepyhead@SergioRamos Sir ji i am vegetarian
Oh! I should've guessed by your Handle name! :D
Panchayat elections results are coming tomorrow.Candidates in my locality are planning to throw a party to celebrate if they win.They are inviting everyone.I am extremely worried about the fallout of such gatherings.I asked one such candidate that why is he planning such thing amid such a pandemic.He said"karona farona kuch ni hai...sarkaar chutiya bana rahi hai..beta kal aao aapko murga khilate hai"
I was speechless.
Dont feel speechless, tell him or her kaun chutiya bana raha hai 😁😂
@kraantikaari bhaau....
It was your source last time who got every bit of information spot on. Do you have anything for us mortals this year ? Despite not filling the form, I somehow feel anxious for everyone here.
I somehow strongly feel that UPSC is not going to postpone if the epistemological model of cases getting to their peak by May (be it middle or end) stands true. And even if it does, delay would not be of more than a few weeks.
Reasons:
1. Oxygen shortage is a matter of just a week or two to get sorted- both due to internal ramped up production and establishment of supply chain and foreign aids. Add to that all sorts of aids coming up from over 2-dozen countries.
2. Vaccination- is the key differentiator this time than last year cuz vaccines are working and is a formidable option this year.
3. Last year's experience and chutzpah - if UPSC could conduct the exam last year immediately after the peak, they have no incentive to postpone it this year. Do any of you remember what shady and outright false statements were given by UPSC in the SC last year a day before Prelims- just because they didn't want to disturb the overall calendar and this goddamn exam- and still have hope that they care for you, of your well being or your rights?
4. We being a nation of dead morality and UPSC being nothing but a reflection of the society- Last year, so many aspirants suffered unimaginable hardships just in order to reach their centres. Many died due to infections. Was there any empathy for any of them? Or accountability for the gross violation of their fundamental rights? Is there any accountability of any body/Govt for the thousands people today dying due to holding of elections/rallies or massive religious congregation? Do you think it ever will be? There's no value of human life in our underdeveloped country aspiring foolishly to be a world beater.
Now on, I don't have mere goal to crack this exam just to serve the nation (hardly the miniscule good souls get to actually serve the nation but only the political masters and the sold-out institutions; and if anyone dares to do sth extraordinary out of serving spree, he's shunted out or suspended) but also, very importantly, to live a safer and a more secure life cuz in this nation of fuckin unequals, your position might decide whether your mother gets a bed in hospital or expires on the road gasping for oxygen by the time the next calamity strikes- becoming just another statistic (lucky for you if Govt counts it in!) or a mere spectacle for others.
So, the highly revered commission will have no hesitation to conduct the exam if the public transport is running everywhere a week before the exam date- yes that would be the only criteria, even if you have to parade through a line of burning pyres on pavements on the way to your respective exam centres.
Johnny_Distracted,thesleepyhead
I somehow strongly feel that UPSC is not going to postpone if the epistemological model of cases getting to their peak by May (be it middle or end) stands true. And even if it does, delay would not be of more than a few weeks.
Reasons:
1. Oxygen shortage is a matter of just a week or two to get sorted- both due to internal ramped up production and establishment of supply chain and foreign aids. Add to that all sorts of aids coming up from over 2-dozen countries.
2. Vaccination- is the key differentiator this time than last year cuz vaccines are working and is a formidable option this year.
3. Last year's experience and chutzpah - if UPSC could conduct the exam last year immediately after the peak, they have no incentive to postpone it this year. Do any of you remember what shady and outright false statements were given by UPSC in the SC last year a day before Prelims- just because they didn't want to disturb the overall calendar and this goddamn exam- and still have hope that they care for you, of your well being or your rights?
4. We being a nation of dead morality and UPSC being nothing but a reflection of the society- Last year, so many aspirants suffered unimaginable hardships just in order to reach their centres. Many died due to infections. Was there any empathy for any of them? Or accountability for the gross violation of their fundamental rights? Is there any accountability of any body/Govt for the thousands people today dying due to holding of elections/rallies or massive religious congregation? Do you think it ever will be? There's no value of human life in our underdeveloped country aspiring foolishly to be a world beater.
Now on, I don't have mere goal to crack this exam just to serve the nation (hardly the miniscule good souls get to actually serve the nation but only the political masters and the sold-out institutions; and if anyone dares to do sth extraordinary out of serving spree, he's shunted out or suspended) but also, very importantly, to live a safer and a more secure life cuz in this nation of fuckin unequals, your position might decide whether your mother gets a bed in hospital or expires on the road gasping for oxygen by the time the next calamity strikes- becoming just another statistic (lucky for you if Govt counts it in!) or a mere spectacle for others.
So, the highly revered commission will have no hesitation to conduct the exam if the public transport is running everywhere a week before the exam date- yes that would be the only criteria, even if you have to parade through a line of burning pyres on pavements on the way to your respective exam centres.
As Pankaj Tripathi would have advised you right now curtly and I will second him: "Padho bsdk"
Itna frustration?? Get enough sleep bhai.
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