Civil Services Mains 2020 Results: In or Out ? Way ahead, gratitude and Pain
The Civils Mains result has been declared. This thread is for sharing your grief , joy , mixed feelings - absolutely anything and everything.
Was watching cricket videos and I realised one thing, Sachin Tendulkar is one batsman who almost every time decided to walk out if he had edged one, even if the umpire was not convinced. Was it selfish of him, not to give consideration to the situation his team was in? Almost single time, he walked out on his own. I think that's what it takes, admit it and move on. After 3 attempts and 2 mains, this is what I find solace in. We know the rules of the game that we are playing. History optional bahut pain deta hai❤️
yet to find happy face with history optional and saying....I made it!!
If age is not a barrier, take a break choose a optional having a decent success rate and do come back in the arena.
This platform is unique, after every result we hear some heartbreaking stories, some inspiring ones.
In 2019 attempt, can say that was my first serious attempt, I was expecting interview call. Everybody who has written Mains expects that, so was the case with me. But the Pdf didn't have my roll number. Waited for 10 months to find out how close I was. 17 Oct the marks were disclosed (after frustrating wait). Missed the call by 2 marks. I know even if 2 marks somehow awarded, I couldn't have made to the final list. But appearing in interview could have been a phenomenon for me, for my family. But I accepted the fate and thought - Okay this time I will make it. I was confident enough to clear Prelims 2020. Pumped up for this mains I was putting more efforts. 6 days later Prelims PDF was there and boom my name wasn't there. After scoring 122 in 2019 prelims, I failed this one.
Now my situation is my marks for 2019 attempt at both stages don't inspire me. I am afraid of prelims itself.
So why this write up, just to let you know things can go in any direction in this exam. Give your efforts, don't confine your self to your room, go play the sports you love, meet the people you like to meet, dance whenever there is a chance. Just don't let this exam dictate your life. If you have to make it you will, even if you don't give your best. There can be cases that you will never make it to the final list.
After failure in this prelims, instead of thinking negative, I thought about the other options. Got to know about many things- like public policy sector, some startup ideas popped up, gave other exams as well (no positives yet).
We can find out something, we will find out something.
And at last- don't let your guard down if you are giving 2021 attempt. Not much time left for prelims and forget about mains (just 80 days). In this year itself, probably by December, you can have your roll number in the pdf for Interview stage.
I feel so confused. Was just going through topper answer copies Nth time, trying to make out where do I lack. FInding some peers in this journey might help me out. I have exhausted my resources. If I try to more to it, I will end up being more confused.
1st and Last Attempt, 1st mains, OUT , PSIR
Life isn't a fairytale, now, is it? Im 29, almost 4 yrs of FAANG experience post premier MBA. Wanted 1 honest shot at the exam - glad I could do that. No regrets, had a very exclusive service aim as it is . Not sure i'd be okay with stopping life and career anymore for a journey where the margin for error is almost non-existent .
Have been through shit meetings and awful client exchanges in my job, but this stings the hardest. Had convinced myself that through all my learnings since my MBA - a structured thought process, crisp and concise note making approach , and possibly through maturity that comes with age and experience - i would be well in line for atleast an interview if not more.
But hey, UPSC is a great leveller - and it has made me realise than anything less than absolute perfection just wont cut it - especially with the seats coming down and low hanging fruits such as paper completion, IBC, committee, report mentions etc now being an average approach which would hardly set anyone apart anymore. My attempt was less than perfect - wrote atleast 3-4 namesake answers in every paper, and in PSIR I think at best I would've been average.
Congratulations to those who made it, do give your best to this . Being in the top 2k in the country is no mean feat. Others who are continuing or have decided to leave, i'd share my biggest learning in life with you - think long and hard before you take a decision but once you have decided something, get on with it without regrets .
Always remember, this too shall pass!
This platform is unique, after every result we hear some heartbreaking stories, some inspiring ones.
In 2019 attempt, can say that was my first serious attempt, I was expecting interview call. Everybody who has written Mains expects that, so was the case with me. But the Pdf didn't have my roll number. Waited for 10 months to find out how close I was. 17 Oct the marks were disclosed (after frustrating wait). Missed the call by 2 marks. I know even if 2 marks somehow awarded, I couldn't have made to the final list. But appearing in interview could have been a phenomenon for me, for my family. But I accepted the fate and thought - Okay this time I will make it. I was confident enough to clear Prelims 2020. Pumped up for this mains I was putting more efforts. 6 days later Prelims PDF was there and boom my name wasn't there. After scoring 122 in 2019 prelims, I failed this one.
Now my situation is my marks for 2019 attempt at both stages don't inspire me. I am afraid of prelims itself.
So why this write up, just to let you know things can go in any direction in this exam. Give your efforts, don't confine your self to your room, go play the sports you love, meet the people you like to meet, dance whenever there is a chance. Just don't let this exam dictate your life. If you have to make it you will, even if you don't give your best. There can be cases that you will never make it to the final list.
After failure in this prelims, instead of thinking negative, I thought about the other options. Got to know about many things- like public policy sector, some startup ideas popped up, gave other exams as well (no positives yet).
We can find out something, we will find out something.
And at last- don't let your guard down if you are giving 2021 attempt. Not much time left for prelims and forget about mains (just 80 days). In this year itself, probably by December, you can have your roll number in the pdf for Interview stage.
ssver2,@RegistaniOonth he is not that one just talked to sarthak prashar
Oh! thats brutal.... Hopw he might be doing fine..his anxiety and the way he was writing that day was quite scary!
Stay Strong Comrades. You are not alone. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
Read MY STORY ifff you can relate with it:
http://demystifycse.in/my-story-क़िस्मत-vs-मेहनत/#more-777
This exam seems most risky decision of your life when you keep failing in it. But the day when you pass it/settles yourself in something good - things become much clearer to you. Don't get bogged down with transient failures. Abhi to ~1400 more people will come back at Point Zero of process. Accept the reality. Ro lo gaaliya de lo frustration nikal lo or flush it out. Just COME BACK AT THE EARLIEST !
"INDIA KA COAT ITNA AASAANI SE TO NHI MILEGA.." MILKHA SINGH MOVIE ! Best Wishes.
PS: Jinke saare attempt pure ho gye - aapke liye nothing bss SALUTE AND A HUG. Apna khyal rkhna. Ro lo. Then move on. You made a decision own it's consequences. That's it. Make new decisions and be ready to accept their consequences. Life is much much bigger than CSE, though definitely more painful now for few years atleast. :|
Best wishes , jinke 1 bhi ya 1+ attempts bche h. "Don't waste much time reading external motivational stories. Make your own motivational story, succeed with it and share it next time once you end it valuably !" 😊
#Sharing_is_Caring
#Hum_Hongey_Kamyaab_Ek_Din 💐👍😊
https://forumias.com/post/detail/UPSC-CSE-NOT-SUCCESSFUL-YET-STORIES--1596866202?page=5
Old version of same thread. On earlier plateform there was always such thread each year. This is much much valuable thread for CSE aspirants who fails continuously rather than any other motivational stuff available online. Reading it still makes our pain quite tiny and manageable ! 💐
PS- After few years many of such pain stories turn into real success stories also. Witnessed it for 7 8 years atleast, each year. You can be the next one ! "जब तक तोड़ेंगे नहीं तब तक छोड़ेंगे नहीं" 😊 Best wishes and shubhratri 😊
These lines of Captain Barbosa resonate with me when I think of UPSC CSE now..
It feels like a curse. It feels like the only cure to the restlessness associated with this exam is either success or exhaustion of age or attempts. I have already given three years of my life to this exam. And I don't know how many more it may take.
I don't know why but the failure made me feel so tired. It felt like the tiredness of the hard work of whole year was experienced in that moment.
BUT yet.. yet I am gathering myself... bucking myself up... to give this third attempt. The patience of fellow aspirants motivates me. Because..
So mourn for this loss for a day or two. And then PICK YOURSELF UP.. and ready yourself for the next battle.
Thank you so much to all of you who posted here!
I'm glad this community exists. I've been a silent lurker for quite some time. It's only recently that I have started finding my voice here. Today I'm grateful you all exist. Reading all of your comments has helped me immensely to deal with my own pain and put things in perspective.
Just reading the stories of many who are going through much more difficult times has grounded me. The raw pain you've shared is heartbreaking, yet somehow the resilience you're showing is inspiring. Those who are sharing your thoughts and your feelings - you've managed to put into words what I've been struggling to articulate. Gracias. And specially for all the encouraging messages. They've helped a lot.
To those who have passed, congrats! You're among the top 2k aspirants from over a million :D. This is well deserved.
To my fellow aspirants who've failed, I have no motivational words for you :P. Jo bolna hai sabne jee bharke bol diya. All I hope is that you (and me) find the strength to fight again, fight hard and fight our way to victory.
Oh! thats brutal.... Hopw he might be doing fine..his anxiety and the way he was writing that day was quite scary!
Ho gaya mains .In the last week have come out of a suicide attempt and hospital death bed.Still coping up with after effects of hospitalization.Bhagwan ne shayad kuch accha socha hoga meri life ke baare mein isliye shayad jaan bach gayi.Dekhte hain aage interview mein kya hota hai.Best of luck to all of us
After reading above comments I wonder if I qualify to share my thoughts here, given my limited experience with this exam. Many people here have given much more of their precious time as compared to what I have. Still I will try, if I can contribute with my 2 points here; with a hope that someone here might find them helpful.
Background
It has been 2.5 years now ; I took 1 full year for preparation afterleaving my job (graduated from IIT)and then gave 2019 attempt.Went till the last stage but missed the final cut off by 30 marks. It was painful.Although I did not expect much because I knew mymains did not go as I used to imaginebefore the exam. Struggled with several answers ; could not understand the exact demand of many questions (GS). Invigilator snatched the answer sheet away while I struggled to scribble something (literally scribbled) for the last 2 10 markers in the ethics paper. "That was not how it was planned" - I said to myself.
I went into subtle depression and grief post mains itself.I was shattered under my own hopes. I lived death for a month or so and I am not exaggerating. It haunted me. It was not as of I was not interested in doing anything. I could not do anything.My mind kept on asking me the same questions. Why could I not write x in that y question?I started doubting myself.
I failed in my own eyes. "Yeh kya hua, kaise hua, kyun hua, kab hua song became my reality."
I could not sleep properly. I did not enjoy going out. I did not enjoyall the fun momentswe share with our dearest of friends. Then I somehow trembled upon this wonderful thing, calledVipassana Meditation. This was quite helpful.This brings me to my first point. I wouldhighly recommend this, to all the dreamers out here Dhamma.org Please watch a youtube video on this if you get interested and then go for a 10 day retreat.
Although I will not lie and say that this changed my life. But Vipassana helped me taking back some control. Now my self destructive chain of thoughts did not last for hours but for minutes. I changed my city after mains, stopped studying, went for a holiday trip to Hampi, spent time with my loved ones, nothing was same anymore. There was a constant internal dissatisfaction.
The loong wait of 4 months ended at 1 am 15th January 2020. Although as you might guess the hopes were dim but guys that's how life is. Unexpectedly I qualified. Whereas my friends, more confident than me, could not. I am seriously not taking a cheap dig at them rather I wish to convey my confusion as well as the intensity of that moment for me. Seeing my roll number in that list was like "coming back to life". Rebirth.Which is my second point. The biggest remedy to failure in life is tasting success.All other extraneous factors can help but are not critical.Guys, however hard you've got hit this time; you can bounce back. The pit might look bottomless but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Give another exam, try another time in this exam itself or take up other job or play a sport or hit the gym and achieve success. However small it may be but I strongly believe, it is very important for every individual to receive a little pat on the back from time to time. Just to reaffirm and validate our insecure inner self that we are on the right track and we are doing fine :)Little successes here and there, helps in maintaining self esteem and gives confidence to DREAM.
You all are DREAMERS guys. We belong to abundantly different backgrounds and aspire to realize our dreams. Becoming an IAS/IPS/IFS officer. This is what actors, athletes and other professions based on individual excellence also face. Saw the movie Dangal? Bhaag Milkha Bhaag? MS Dhoni? How painful is it to fail in life? There is no way possible to share that grief with anyone else, nor your family and neither your friends. Our society judge us by the final outcome. One can never really tell others how much of themself they had put in. How much 24 carat gold pure emotions of sacrifice and effort has gone down the drain.
Cry if you want and then come back stronger guys. Failures are a part of everyone's life. And do you know what is the best part? There would have been no fun, no joy and no ecstasy without failures. Dreamers know it the best. Because they pour their heart and soul into achieving one goal. Yet, time and again when they think, this time is their time, they fail. But they come next time until they win :) Because the win was worth it all.
We all have our fair share of successes and failures in life. Life in totality is a balancer, UPSC or no UPSC. I will end with another truism for you, which others above have also said, THIS TOO SHALL PASS, like any other success or failure in life.
Oh! thats brutal.... Hopw he might be doing fine..his anxiety and the way he was writing that day was quite scary!
Ho gaya mains .In the last week have come out of a suicide attempt and hospital death bed.Still coping up with after effects of hospitalization.Bhagwan ne shayad kuch accha socha hoga meri life ke baare mein isliye shayad jaan bach gayi.Dekhte hain aage interview mein kya hota hai.Best of luck to all of us
lag jao bhai..ye mauka tumhara hai!
After reading above comments I wonder if I qualify to share my thoughts here, given my limited experience with this exam. Many people here have given much more of their precious time as compared to what I have. Still I will try, if I can contribute with my 2 points here; with a hope that someone here might find them helpful.
Background
It has been 2.5 years now ; I took 1 full year for preparation afterleaving my job (graduated from IIT)and then gave 2019 attempt.Went till the last stage but missed the final cut off by 30 marks. It was painful.Although I did not expect much because I knew mymains did not go as I used to imaginebefore the exam. Struggled with several answers ; could not understand the exact demand of many questions (GS). Invigilator snatched the answer sheet away while I struggled to scribble something (literally scribbled) for the last 2 10 markers in the ethics paper. "That was not how it was planned" - I said to myself.
I went into subtle depression and grief post mains itself.I was shattered under my own hopes. I lived death for a month or so and I am not exaggerating. It haunted me. It was not as of I was not interested in doing anything. I could not do anything.My mind kept on asking me the same questions. Why could I not write x in that y question?I started doubting myself.
I failed in my own eyes. "Yeh kya hua, kaise hua, kyun hua, kab hua song became my reality."
I could not sleep properly. I did not enjoy going out. I did not enjoyall the fun momentswe share with our dearest of friends. Then I somehow trembled upon this wonderful thing, calledVipassana Meditation. This was quite helpful.This brings me to my first point. I wouldhighly recommend this, to all the dreamers out here Dhamma.org Please watch a youtube video on this if you get interested and then go for a 10 day retreat.
Although I will not lie and say that this changed my life. But Vipassana helped me taking back some control. Now my self destructive chain of thoughts did not last for hours but for minutes. I changed my city after mains, stopped studying, went for a holiday trip to Hampi, spent time with my loved ones, nothing was same anymore. There was a constant internal dissatisfaction.
The loong wait of 4 months ended at 1 am 15th January 2020. Although as you might guess the hopes were dim but guys that's how life is. Unexpectedly I qualified. Whereas my friends, more confident than me, could not. I am seriously not taking a cheap dig at them rather I wish to convey my confusion as well as the intensity of that moment for me. Seeing my roll number in that list was like "coming back to life". Rebirth.Which is my second point. The biggest remedy to failure in life is tasting success.All other extraneous factors can help but are not critical.Guys, however hard you've got hit this time; you can bounce back. The pit might look bottomless but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Give another exam, try another time in this exam itself or take up other job or play a sport or hit the gym and achieve success. However small it may be but I strongly believe, it is very important for every individual to receive a little pat on the back from time to time. Just to reaffirm and validate our insecure inner self that we are on the right track and we are doing fine :)Little successes here and there, helps in maintaining self esteem and gives confidence to DREAM.
You all are DREAMERS guys. We belong to abundantly different backgrounds and aspire to realize our dreams. Becoming an IAS/IPS/IFS officer. This is what actors, athletes and other professions based on individual excellence also face. Saw the movie Dangal? Bhaag Milkha Bhaag? MS Dhoni? How painful is it to fail in life? There is no way possible to share that grief with anyone else, nor your family and neither your friends. Our society judge us by the final outcome. One can never really tell others how much of themself they had put in. How much 24 carat gold pure emotions of sacrifice and effort has gone down the drain.
Cry if you want and then come back stronger guys. Failures are a part of everyone's life. And do you know what is the best part? There would have been no fun, no joy and no ecstasy without failures. Dreamers know it the best. Because they pour their heart and soul into achieving one goal. Yet, time and again when they think, this time is their time, they fail. But they come next time until they win :) Because the win was worth it all.
We all have our fair share of successes and failures in life. Life in totality is a balancer, UPSC or no UPSC. I will end with another truism for you, which others above have also said, THIS TOO SHALL PASS, like any other success or failure in life.
Thank you for this. You do not have to have experience to share your journey. We all do not have to be perfect or right here. But what makes a community is sharing. Whatever we've got.
Thank you for this again!
I am no knight. Do not call me Sir|Philosophy behind ForumIAS
Out with PSIR optional. 2nd attempt, first mains.
Now I am 28 yrs old and contemplating 2 choices. One is to attempt this year again, or to may be take up a job and attempt in 2022. But to take that decision i need clarity on 2 things--
1. How realistically possible is to improve my overall mains mark by "at least" 60 marks vis-a-vis last attempt (assuming I am behind cutoff by 20marks and a cushion of 40 is needed to clear the final hurdle, as a bare minimum) in the 90 odd days between prelims and mains. I know that the main improvement will be required in answer writing and not so much in content, as I had hardly written 6 papers, and none for optionals. I ask this as the time after mains hasn't been productive for me, and now it is already time to start prelims prep. So any value addition/improvement in answer will have to be done in the period between prelims and mains 2021, especially for PSIR, which I am quite sure would have been the culprit this time.
2. Most successful candidates seem to follow a pattern of 'prelims fail and clearing in next immediate attempt', "interview fail and clearing in next immediate attempt". Can anyone give examples of topper videos/strategies of those with "mains fail and clearing in next immediate attempt",since I can't find any, and coz I am afraid that if I enter next cycle without adding much value (due to paucity of time), I may get stuck at mains stage forever.
I hope@Neyawnor others forum members can throw some light on this.
Have given 4.5 years to this preparation with no tangible result yet. I have family responsibilities to take on now. People tell about going for alternatives but from where I am standing right now the opportunities are few and margin of error is almost nil. I have given quite some exams in the past but those were namesake attempts and I focused primarily on cse.
If I want to maximise my chances how should I go about it? Targeting multiple exams or focusing on one alternative. And what exams i can appear for as of now.
sonder,
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