Practice Essay writing - Likho, Padho aur Seekho

Anyone willing to review my essay on Ships Sink 2020 ? Thanks.

Jai Shree Ram !

@babu_bisleriPlease post it. Wont be able to read today. But definitely tomorrow.

PursuitofHappyness .

farzicodersaid
Looks like we might have low attendance today :p
Anyway, please review my essay if anyone gets time. Wrote on 2nd topic - The future depends on what we do in the present.
Thanks.
EssayDay1_farziCoder.pdf

Catchy Intro.. Good

brownianMotion,

babu_bisleri .

https://smallpdf.com/shared#st=5d56860c-2c76-469a-9c9b-6b62b557f275&fn=ShipSink.pdf&ct=1621796065832&tl=share-document&rf=link

Sorry for the worst handwriting you guys ever going to witnessed

Jai Shree Ram !

Ships essay.pdf

I Wrote it in January. Heard that people are willing to review.

Hoping for a review or two.

kasanasandy007133said
Essay on first theme

Firstly this is my first essay. I am not very good in English, however I managed somehow in a very average manner.
Essay
It's always right as well as good to asking anything by anyone or by society for the sake of individual and society.
If everyone focuses on answers not on questions then he or she is definitely going in comfort zone rather to face reality.

As everyday life passes, normally the person wants to get comfort. Whether it's academic or practical life, questions are not only being asked today but it was from very ancient Indian culture.
The best and the suitable example is of Budhha. And the word enlightenment itself got its true meaning from the life of Budhha. It was his curiosity to know the truth of life. He asked the question to himself and to get answer of this during whole process he could know the truth. Here if he didn't ask question or not he think of it, how the holy Buddhism could get its importance.
The ways by many saints were/are dependent on the question.
Actually in whole life we always bound to asking due to our curiosity as well as our needs.

The asking of questions in God Yam with Nachiketa as well as in our epic granth Mahabharata or Ramayan has very importance. The best of the all holy events is Gita Saar, in which all the questions related to each and every part were asked. There are so many examples in history.
The education system is fully dependent on asking. However, in our country our education system mostly favoured the rota system rather than learning based on questions i.e. what is thinking not how to think. However recently New education policy has motto of learning on questioning.
The most and perfect, the importance of questioning may be seen crystal clear in all the revolutions. It is the essence of democracy. The vulnerable section is normally derived from getting its part. The questioning power helped and provided there part.

Even we all know the corruption is a main route in governing of Indian system whether through government mode or private or mix. The effect of questioning in this regard may be definitely understood by Anna Hazare movement.

Actually the democracy is fully dependent on it. Therefore the RTI act was passed in accordance with the soul of questioning.

There are so much hurdles also exist against questioning in that democracies whose societies are not matured or living under influence of so called politician or any other powerful persona. As the caste system is a curse in India which has become necessary evil for livelihood. The effect of this may be felt in most of the arenas. Whether it is your selection or your promotion in jobs or using equity and in getting equality etc in society. Because the Indian democracy couldn't become mature. The truth always kept in secret forcefully or intentionally by many sections of responsible society. The RTI like weapons are losing its importance. It may be seen various incident of murders of RTI activists. Also the data of pending complaints and appeals before the CIC. Also everyone knows how the seats of information commissioners are being vacant and how their powers are curtailed. It is not only part of government but also of society that produces this type of situations.
The judiciary is an essential tool in democracy to provide the answer of why. In India it played important role in preserving of truth. However there are many hurdles also in front of judiciary. But the Indian judiciary successfully used its powers to mitigate these challenges.

The science completely depends on questioning. It's the science that by virtue of questioning made many inventions and discoveries. Which has become unavoidable boon for the whole society.

In above context, the power of questioning may be observed from history to present also to past and from view of society's sections as judiciary, many institutions, many struggles, etc. Also not only India but the whole world is definitely dependent on questioning. There are many examples in world like many revolutions and success of them revolutions depended on questioning. The countries got dependence by this tool.

Mahatma Gandhi' s life is fully relied on essence of truth which can be felt various events as Satyagraha, Sarvodaya, etc movements.
Therefore it is very much important to live with art of questioning especially in indian democracy and it's society, also at level of individuality.

Good essay. :)

Honestly, I did not choose the first topic because I was only able to come up with very few points . Your essay gave me the idea on how to approach this essay.

Things I liked-

1. Very good historical perspective - ancient Indian culture to Buddha - Nachiketa example. Perhaps you can write them chronologically.

2. You have touched dimensions of education, corruption, institution, S&T which is a good thing - I felt the transition to be slightly abrupt. That can be improved in my view

3. "Because the Indian democracy couldn't become mature." - This statement and lines before/after can be avoided. Need to substantiate if going with this view with data. (124A, 153A, Preventive detention etc)

4. "Therefore it is very much important to live with art of questioning especially in indian democracy and it's society, also at level of individuality." - Maybe you can try reverse - first individually, family, society and then Indian democracy.

Other Things which you could have explored

1. Why answer also necessary

2. Counter to questions ->Fruitless questions - always questioning

3. Developing question culture - tolerance, dialectics, critical thinking

Also created a rough framework after getting ideas from your essay. Please suggest to add/remove points. :)

Question culture
- History ->Gurukul culture
- Question about truth, meaning of life - Vivekananda questioning about rituals
- Questions in family - a curious child in beginning - education etc
- Question every dogma in society - women,
- religious ethos - Gandhi 7 sins

- political - questioning ideology of hate, fascism, criminalization of politics
- Economic - Marx posing the question against capitalism - new perspective
- Envt - Activists questioning modernity
- ethical - corruption, attitude of people (civil servants, politicians)

Why answer also necessary
- Yudhisthir v/s Yaksha - save life
- Indus valley - answer to survival (mud bricks, burnt bricks
- Peace of mind
- Vivekananda - needed Ramakrishna
- Discussion forward - new question comes
- Answer will help
- Political reforms - question of cleanliness
- Civil services - find answer to questions/problems of people - make their life easy
- Envt - sustainable development is answer to climate change (1972 conference, Rio earth etc)

Counter of questions
- Buddha - fruitless question
- Where is truth ? - people exploirng
- Questioning everything time waste -
- Bad impression - sceptical etc

Develop question culture
- Critical analysis
- Child education
- Debate culture - tolerance

babu_bislerisaid
https://smallpdf.com/shared#st=5d56860c-2c76-469a-9c9b-6b62b557f275&fn=ShipSink.pdf&ct=1621796065832&tl=share-document&rf=link

Sorry for the worst handwriting you guys ever going to witnessed

Can I call you DOCTOR babu_bisleri ? :p

No offence though. :)

Very good essay. :) Gave may new insights especially the physics part

Things I liked

- Intro Good trojan horse example - relatable both literally and metaphorically
- Science behind ship sinking (awesome dimension)
- Individual, family and society level analysis - very good
- covered multiple dimension
- good flow overall

Other points

- I dont think your handwriting is bad. Standard cursive. It will be more readable if you use margins like mains answer sheets. Without margins, readability was impacted.
- I felt history dimension was given more weightage
- Also felt Priority of paras can be worked upon - envt before security, intl relations perhaps
- I was hoping that starting example gets reflected somehow in conclusion
- For strong character people - civil servants, statesman (TN Seshan, Ataturk etc) - they do not fear from water around them or even water inside ship - dig deep and take the ship out of crisis. Can this be added ? - like Ganguly example

babu_bisleri,

kasanasandy007133 .

@farzicoder thanks for your valuable analysis and suggestions. The essay was written in a hurry so which came in my mind I wrote down. Your points are very important for me. However I am weak in learning of various datas. May you help me in overcoming on it. Thanks again

kasanasandy007133said
@farzicoder thanks for your valuable analysis and suggestions. The essay was written in a hurry so which came in my mind I wrote down. Your points are very important for me. However I am weak in learning of various datas. May you help me in overcoming on it. Thanks again

I think there is no separate need for learning data. Whatever data we read in GS, we can apply in essay. Be it literacy rate, sex ratio,life expectancy, constitution articles, IPC sections, unemployment rate etc.

babu_bisleri .

@farzicoder Thank you brother, for such detailed review. Will work on these points.

Civil servant example I thought during brainstorming but while writing I got in some other argument that how it sinks the society. But yes should have had included it.

Jai Shree Ram !

brownianMotion,

walterwhit3said
Ships essay.pdf
I Wrote it in January. Heard that people are willing to review.

Hoping for a review or two.

Good essay :)

Things I liked
- ample historical examples to bring home the argument - Trojan horse and Mesopotamia example were both literal and metaphorical
- mention of reasons for Ships sinking / water entering them - Greed, Human hunger for power, its devastating impacts
- Human resilience to steer ship out of mess - Ferdinand megellar

Other points
- also felt historical perspective was given more weightage - other dimensions in my view (Politics - parliament criminalization and impact on institution,Sports - Indian cricket fixing, Economy - BOP crisis, Civil services etc.)
- I was hoping for some chronological sequencing in history examples, thats why felt Alexander example could come after Kingdom of Ur example
- was also hoping that initial Trojan horse example to get reflected in conclusion in some way
- @babu_bisleri mentioned physics behind ship sinking which I thought can help in our analysis

Questions/Clarification
- you talked about civilization,Gandhi, 9/11attacks in 5th,6th page - I wanted to know how are you establishing connect with topic of essay ?

Overall, very good points. Keep it up :)

walterwhit3,

farzicodersaid
walterwhit3said
Ships essay.pdf
I Wrote it in January. Heard that people are willing to review.

Hoping for a review or two.

Good essay :)

Things I liked
- ample historical examples to bring home the argument - Trojan horse and Mesopotamia example were both literal and metaphorical
- mention of reasons for Ships sinking / water entering them - Greed, Human hunger for power, its devastating impacts
- Human resilience to steer ship out of mess - Ferdinand megellar

Other points
- also felt historical perspective was given more weightage - other dimensions in my view (Politics - parliament criminalization and impact on institution,Sports - Indian cricket fixing, Economy - BOP crisis, Civil services etc.)
- I was hoping for some chronological sequencing in history examples, thats why felt Alexander example could come after Kingdom of Ur example
- was also hoping that initial Trojan horse example to get reflected in conclusion in some way
- @babu_bisleri mentioned physics behind ship sinking which I thought can help in our analysis

Questions/Clarification
- you talked about civilization,Gandhi, 9/11attacks in 5th,6th page - I wanted to know how are you establishing connect with topic of essay ?

Overall, very good points. Keep it up :)

Thank you for analyzing and pointing out these important shortcomings.

When I was done with the essay, I also realized how it became tilted towards a historical perspective and missed out on governance, individual development, struggles. Could have added Stoic's advice, Nietzsche's perspective, along with the points that you have mentioned.

Connecting Trojan Horse with the conclusion, so as to give a sort of closure to the essay is a very good idea. I saw Sachin Gupta's copy and analyzed some of Doorishetti's copies. They both finished with what they began.

Historically Civilizations failed only when they allowed their culture and economy to be diluted by something which was foreign to their culture. For Example, The Aztecs were conquered because the bodyguard of the king were fascinated by Yellow Metal in the hand of Spaniards.Their mighty empire was challenged and conquered by a group of 15 Spanish traders, as they allowed themselves to be overwhelmed by Greed.Theproverbial ship of a civilization sank because the water of greedinfiltrated it.
About Gandhi and WTC bombing: I was trying to show how we fall when we let our circumstances get the better of us, by showing two contrasting examples. Much like the proverbial ship sinking, humans allow their downfall once they permit their circumstances to define them.Gandhi did not allow but Bin Laden did allow it. One ship sank, the other became a beacon of hope. But I failed to do so by omitting a complete paragraph about it.

I guess I should have been more clear about these two points in the essay :D

brownianMotion,

walterwhit3said
farzicodersaid
walterwhit3said
Ships essay.pdf
I Wrote it in January. Heard that people are willing to review.

Hoping for a review or two.

Good essay :)

Things I liked
- ample historical examples to bring home the argument - Trojan horse and Mesopotamia example were both literal and metaphorical
- mention of reasons for Ships sinking / water entering them - Greed, Human hunger for power, its devastating impacts
- Human resilience to steer ship out of mess - Ferdinand megellar

Other points
- also felt historical perspective was given more weightage - other dimensions in my view (Politics - parliament criminalization and impact on institution,Sports - Indian cricket fixing, Economy - BOP crisis, Civil services etc.)
- I was hoping for some chronological sequencing in history examples, thats why felt Alexander example could come after Kingdom of Ur example
- was also hoping that initial Trojan horse example to get reflected in conclusion in some way
- @babu_bisleri mentioned physics behind ship sinking which I thought can help in our analysis

Questions/Clarification
- you talked about civilization,Gandhi, 9/11attacks in 5th,6th page - I wanted to know how are you establishing connect with topic of essay ?

Overall, very good points. Keep it up :)

Thank you for analyzing and pointing out these important shortcomings.
When I was done with the essay, I also realized how it became tilted towards a historical perspective and missed out on governance, individual development, struggles. Could have added Stoic's advice, Nietzsche's perspective, along with the points that you have mentioned.

Connecting Trojan Horse with the conclusion, so as to give a sort of closure to the essay is a very good idea. I saw Sachin Gupta's copy and analyzed some of Doorishetti's copies. They both finished with what they began.

Historically Civilizations failed only when they allowed their culture and economy to be diluted by something which was foreign to their culture. For Example, The Aztecs were conquered because the bodyguard of the king were fascinated by Yellow Metal in the hand of Spaniards.Their mighty empire was challenged and conquered by a group of 15 Spanish traders, as they allowed themselves to be overwhelmed by Greed.Theproverbial ship of a civilization sank because the water of greedinfiltrated it.

About Gandhi and WTC bombing: I was trying to show how we fall when we let our circumstances get the better of us, by showing two contrasting examples. Much like the proverbial ship sinking, humans allow their downfall once they permit their circumstances to define them.Gandhi did not allow but Bin Laden did allow it. One ship sank, the other became a beacon of hope. But I failed to do so by omitting a complete paragraph about it.
I guess I should have been more clear about these two points in the essay :D

Yeah, same. I also saw their respective copies and blog advising to connect intro with conclusion.

Steph_Curry .

"One may snatch a nap amidst raging fire. But can not sleep a wink in poverty dire."

How would you interpret the above topic if you were to write an essay on that?

New sunday ,new essay

Lets do it folks.

@nerdfighter@Aalsibalak@Aquaman@sstarrr@babu_bisleri@walterwhit3- up for today ?

sstarrr,

farzicodersaid
New sunday ,new essay
Lets do it folks.
@nerdfighter@Aalsibalak@Aquaman@sstarrr@babu_bisleri@walterwhit3- up for today ?

Me and a friend are writing an essay on Wisdom Finds Truth (2019).

You guys?

brownianMotion,sstarrr

sstarrr .

waiting for@farzicoder to put some essay topic.

sstarrr .

walterwhit3said
farzicodersaid
New sunday ,new essay
Lets do it folks.
@nerdfighter@Aalsibalak@Aquaman@sstarrr@babu_bisleri@walterwhit3- up for today ?
Me and a friend are writing an essay on Wisdom Finds Truth (2019).
You guys?

We too can do this. PYQ are a good way to start.

sstarrrsaid
walterwhit3said
farzicodersaid
New sunday ,new essay
Lets do it folks.
@nerdfighter@Aalsibalak@Aquaman@sstarrr@babu_bisleri@walterwhit3- up for today ?
Me and a friend are writing an essay on Wisdom Finds Truth (2019).
You guys?
We too can do this. PYQ are a good way to start.

I found it most challenging among the 4 in 2019. If you guys are willing for it, then PYQs are the best way in my opinion.

EiChan,brownianMotionand1 otherslike this

sstarrr .