Civil Services Mains 2020 Results: In or Out ? Way ahead, gratitude and Pain
The Civils Mains result has been declared. This thread is for sharing your grief , joy , mixed feelings - absolutely anything and everything.
Life is sometimes just simply too difficult, isn’t it guys?
I’m taking a break from the exam. I’ve lost my shine, man. You know that thing I’m talking about? That heart. You need that to endure. I’ve lost it somewhere along the way and I can’t seem to find it. The pressure of trying to find it just makes me feel l might explode.
So I need a clean slate, even though I know there truly is no such thing. I want to be able to hope again. You know that thing about hope? You would only truly appreciate it if you’ve ever found yourself completely devoid of it. Things stop meaning anything.
So, I’m just going to go get professional help, think long and hard about a lot of things, and figure out what the hell it is that I truly want to do in life, or if I should just simply stop trying to control things and see where life takes me. I don’t believe in saying that I want to find myself again, because whoever I thought I was has always changed with time. But I do believe I want to find something. I don’t want to feel the way I do now. So conflicted, anxious and dissatisfied all the time. I want to feel gratitude again. I want to feel different from the way I feel now.
I don’t know if I will return to this exam, but I think that the time has come when I must finally choose self preservation at the moment. This decision of mine is not intended to influence anyone to take a similar call. I’m simply saying that I just find things too difficult and overwhelming at the moment, and I want to hide behind a shield I’m yet to forge. I hope this will work. At least I’m beginning to hope again?
I have immense respect for all of you who are braving all your demons and choosing to pursue your goal. It takes great courage. Put in your honest effort and see where it takes you. Good luck to all of you. :)
Life is sometimes just simply too difficult, isn’t it guys?
I’m taking a break from the exam. I’ve lost my shine, man. You know that thing I’m talking about? That heart. You need that to endure. I’ve lost it somewhere along the way and I can’t seem to find it. The pressure of trying to find it just makes me feel l might explode.
So I need a clean slate, even though I know there truly is no such thing. I want to be able to hope again. You know that thing about hope? You would only truly appreciate it if you’ve ever found yourself completely devoid of it. Things stop meaning anything.
So, I’m just going to go get professional help, think long and hard about a lot of things, and figure out what the hell it is that I truly want to do in life, or if I should just simply stop trying to control things and see where life takes me. I don’t believe in saying that I want to find myself again, because whoever I thought I was has always changed with time. But I do believe I want to find something. I don’t want to feel the way I do now. So conflicted, anxious and unsatisfied all the time. I want to feel gratitude again. I want to feel different from the way I feel now.
I don’t know if I will return to this exam, but I think that the time has come when I must finally choose self preservation at the moment. This decision of mine is not intended to influence anyone to take a similar call. I’m simply saying that I just find things too difficult and overwhelming at the moment, and I want to hide behind a shield I’m yet to forge. I hope this will work. At least I’m beginning to hope again?
I have immense respect for all of you who are braving all your demons and choosing to pursue your goal. It takes great courage. Put in your honest effort and see where it takes you. Good luck to all of you. :)
It takes a lot of courage for one to accept their "demons". I am glad that you are looking for professional help.
Even I had taken a break for a year, from this exam in the past . Everyone thought I'm crazy and scared of this exam and all. But I took professional help. Met some amazing people . Travelled a lot. As fancy as it sounds we do lose ourselves at times and it is imperative to take a pause for as long as we want.
It did help me "find myself" and I am so glad I took that one year break and don't regret it at all.
I hope whatever you wish to do, however, you may try to overcome this phase, you succeed. I am sure , you will yourself find answers to the questions you have or find the source of this suffocation and fight it like a pro.. I wish you luck. :)
Life is sometimes just simply too difficult, isn’t it guys?
I’m taking a break from the exam. I’ve lost my shine, man. You know that thing I’m talking about? That heart. You need that to endure. I’ve lost it somewhere along the way and I can’t seem to find it. The pressure of trying to find it just makes me feel l might explode.
So I need a clean slate, even though I know there truly is no such thing. I want to be able to hope again. You know that thing about hope? You would only truly appreciate it if you’ve ever found yourself completely devoid of it. Things stop meaning anything.
So, I’m just going to go get professional help, think long and hard about a lot of things, and figure out what the hell it is that I truly want to do in life, or if I should just simply stop trying to control things and see where life takes me. I don’t believe in saying that I want to find myself again, because whoever I thought I was has always changed with time. But I do believe I want to find something. I don’t want to feel the way I do now. So conflicted, anxious and dissatisfied all the time. I want to feel gratitude again. I want to feel different from the way I feel now.
I don’t know if I will return to this exam, but I think that the time has come when I must finally choose self preservation at the moment. This decision of mine is not intended to influence anyone to take a similar call. I’m simply saying that I just find things too difficult and overwhelming at the moment, and I want to hide behind a shield I’m yet to forge. I hope this will work. At least I’m beginning to hope again?
I have immense respect for all of you who are braving all your demons and choosing to pursue your goal. It takes great courage. Put in your honest effort and see where it takes you. Good luck to all of you. :)
My favourite patoots, “you do you” would be the TL;DR version of what I’m about to say.
It takes a lot of courage to admit that self-preservation is what one must choose. I remember telling my parents after flunking the mains that i have dug myself into this hole way too deep and the only way out is to dig further. My dad was the first to point out that there’s no hole that requires more digging to get out of. His very logical statement was meant to be funny, but I realised that like every pearl of wisdom from Oogway his words too were meant to be profound.
That really helped me a lot, and I’m not repeating this to encourage you to continue on this path, just simply to remind you that sometimes we get so caught up in chasing a solution to a problem, that we forget that the problem isn’t a fixed entity to begin with, it changes over time. And as it changes, the solution too must change, or it becomes extremely unsatisfactory. Our problem isn’t merely to clear this exam anymore (I think we’ve all left that naïveté behind). Our problem has grown into retaining our sanity while trying to clear this exam.
If you do choose to return to this exam, do so with the idea that no goal is bigger than mental health. Anyone who chooses to acknowledge and prioritise their mental health is already winning in life. I won’t tell you what to do with your break (it’s your break man, do whatever catches your fancy :D). If you want to find yourself, that’s great. If you want to create yourself, that’s also great! I feel more than either finding or creating your self, it’s more important to reconcile with our self. Keep fighting, for yourself, every single say! Carpe all the diems! You bring so many people so much joy :)
Life is sometimes just simply too difficult, isn’t it guys?
I’m taking a break from the exam. I’ve lost my shine, man. You know that thing I’m talking about? That heart. You need that to endure. I’ve lost it somewhere along the way and I can’t seem to find it. The pressure of trying to find it just makes me feel l might explode.
So I need a clean slate, even though I know there truly is no such thing. I want to be able to hope again. You know that thing about hope? You would only truly appreciate it if you’ve ever found yourself completely devoid of it. Things stop meaning anything.
So, I’m just going to go get professional help, think long and hard about a lot of things, and figure out what the hell it is that I truly want to do in life, or if I should just simply stop trying to control things and see where life takes me. I don’t believe in saying that I want to find myself again, because whoever I thought I was has always changed with time. But I do believe I want to find something. I don’t want to feel the way I do now. So conflicted, anxious and dissatisfied all the time. I want to feel gratitude again. I want to feel different from the way I feel now.
I don’t know if I will return to this exam, but I think that the time has come when I must finally choose self preservation at the moment. This decision of mine is not intended to influence anyone to take a similar call. I’m simply saying that I just find things too difficult and overwhelming at the moment, and I want to hide behind a shield I’m yet to forge. I hope this will work. At least I’m beginning to hope again?
I have immense respect for all of you who are braving all your demons and choosing to pursue your goal. It takes great courage. Put in your honest effort and see where it takes you. Good luck to all of you. :)
Glad to see your messages again! And I am truly glad that you aren't running away from those demons but accepting the war and is willing to change it. Good luck with it and come back stronger again.
And your arent hiding at all; to be very opposite, you are willing to face it.
It's all Ok. It's all right.
Patootie,ToBeDiplomatThe cut off for 2019 final list was 961 for general.
However, the last general category candidate has 982 marks in the list.
Can someone please explain this ?
The cut off for 2019 final list was 961 for general.
However, the last general category candidate has 982 marks in the list.
Can someone please explain this ?
This is the pdf of final list 2019.
https://upsc.gov.in/sites/default/files/CSM18_FQ_WEB_CELL_NEW.pdf
If you check from 961, the first unreserved candidate is at 982 marks.
.
THE_MECHANIC,Hi, guys back from the break. I have some unfinished work unrelated to UPSC that I got to complete so that things do not keep breaking my momentum once I start. Will try to tick them off today.
I need to deal with Indian Bureaucracy today, a thing I hate & dread. It is a soul crushing exercise. My father passed away two years ago & we are yet to receive all the money we were supposed to receive (he was a government employee). The papers just do not move without 'speed money'. I hope it does not spoil my day.
--
Targets for Today:
- Anki Reviews for 3 Hours
- Complete all non-UPSC related things to do
- Write
Bro you posted the target on wrong thread I guess
The cut off for 2019 final list was 961 for general.
However, the last general category candidate has 982 marks in the list.
Can someone please explain this ?
This is the pdf of final list 2019.
https://upsc.gov.in/sites/default/files/CSM18_FQ_WEB_CELL_NEW.pdf
If you check from 961, the first unreserved candidate is at 982 marks.
Sorry. This is 2018 final list. The cutoff that year was indeed 982. My bad.
KingSlayer23,
Life is sometimes just simply too difficult, isn’t it guys?
I’m taking a break from the exam. I’ve lost my shine, man. You know that thing I’m talking about? That heart. You need that to endure. I’ve lost it somewhere along the way and I can’t seem to find it. The pressure of trying to find it just makes me feel l might explode.
So I need a clean slate, even though I know there truly is no such thing. I want to be able to hope again. You know that thing about hope? You would only truly appreciate it if you’ve ever found yourself completely devoid of it. Things stop meaning anything.
So, I’m just going to go get professional help, think long and hard about a lot of things, and figure out what the hell it is that I truly want to do in life, or if I should just simply stop trying to control things and see where life takes me. I don’t believe in saying that I want to find myself again, because whoever I thought I was has always changed with time. But I do believe I want to find something. I don’t want to feel the way I do now. So conflicted, anxious and dissatisfied all the time. I want to feel gratitude again. I want to feel different from the way I feel now.
I don’t know if I will return to this exam, but I think that the time has come when I must finally choose self preservation at the moment. This decision of mine is not intended to influence anyone to take a similar call. I’m simply saying that I just find things too difficult and overwhelming at the moment, and I want to hide behind a shield I’m yet to forge. I hope this will work. At least I’m beginning to hope again?
I have immense respect for all of you who are braving all your demons and choosing to pursue your goal. It takes great courage. Put in your honest effort and see where it takes you. Good luck to all of you. :)
This legit brought a tear to my eye. Not only can I hard relate, but you've now given me the trigger courage to face my facts. I was all set to leash the bull until the powers that be, in all their wisdom, decided to postpone our Armageddon. I am simply unable to find my form post that.
I look forward to meeting you someday and having a talk over a cuppa. We are sailors of the same boat.
As well as the form goes, well, as they say in football - Form is temporary. Class is permanent.
Godspeed, bud.
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