How many of you suffer from depression/negativity?
Hey friends, quick question. How do you get to enjoying the small victories and celebrating your wins? I honesty can’t truly enjoy my wins however small or significant, because I’m either afraid that they wont last, or I struggle to make them feel significant for me. For a quick example: I’m not claiming to be the perfect aspirant or anything, in fact far from it, but i feel this attempt so far I’ve been pretty good with my note making/ studies in general, in two days I’m about to complete my ethics. In comparison last year, i finished my first revision of paper 4 the week before mains began (hangs head in shame) and yet I struggle to appreciate how much better positioned I am this year. Any help would be appreciated.Don't think of it as celebrating your wins, but think of it as celebrating progress. Convince yourself that these actions (in our case studying and completing a chapter or whatever) is moving you closer to your goal. If we are convinced our actions are creating progress, then we are much more motivated to do it. There was a study done (I can't remember the exact details) where people were made to run. One group was made to run but their scenery wouldn't change so essentially they wouldn't "see" any progress while the other group that was made to run would see the scenery change so they would feel they were making some progress. The second group ran longer than the first group. I'll try to see if I can find the link to this study.
I had a massive existential voice note rant (I record the more memorable ones for later perusal) last night, where I realised that I struggle with finding purpose. I’m naturally one of those people who needs a tangible goal to work towards, a very “eyes-on-the-prize” mentality, but throughout this journey I’ve been feeling very “untethered” because these studies are so contrary to my inner wiring. I feel I’m filling my days with work, but not with purpose because somewhere in the back of my mind, I’m afraid if I search for a purpose, I won’t find anything, or realise just how futile chasing after the elusive victory is.
I’m very tempted to delete this entire exposé, but I’m trying this thing where I push myself to accept my vulnerabilities and showcase them to the world. Being a control freak who likes to maintain the illusion of “I have everything under control. You don’t need to worry about me” this is immensely scary.
It's like looking in a mirror!
I try to convince myself that the work is the purpose. It's not just a journey of clearing the exam, but one of immense personal growth. And I am just trying to value the growth too. But easier said than done.
And that illusion is so tempting to keep up :( I have a hard time admitting that I'm struggling because I don't want people to worry, or know that i dont have a handle on things. I feel like no matter how messy it is inside my head, if I just keep the outside in order like it's supposed to be and keep up the facade, it will get better. That's a way of feeling in control. It would be so much easier to just admit I'm lost, but no. It's half ego and half fear. I am working on this too. I hope we both succeed soon friend :)
SergioRamos,whatonly@DeekshitaP congrats on the great going :DThere are two reasons studying well and getting things done is significant. One is if course that it takes us closer to our goal and we get closer and closer everyday to clearing the exam. The other is that it is something we have accomplished, and a mark of how much we have grown (knowing that our days weren't always so productive earlier). That's two reasons to celebrate the wins.Now on the first reason, we may not be able to celebrate it as much when we look at how much others are doing, or how much there is still left to do. Because when we view it from the lens of the exam, of course it's going to feel competitive and of course that spoils things. BUT on the second reason, that win isoursand no one gets to take it away! We planned to do something, knowing we might fail, and we DID IT. We achieved something that could easily have been not achieved. Irrespective of how others are doing, or how much we might do tomorrow, that one day of work is worth celebrating. Each day is valuable and not celebrating the good days would be unfair to them :pSome ways that help me remember this:1. Making our wins obvious somewhere except our own heads, so we can SEE them. Literally. What I do is write my plan for a few days on my whiteboard, and every night strike out what I've done. The joy of striking it off, oooof. And after a few days, looking at the board with most or everything struck off makes me ridiculously happy. It's a silly thing but having a visual confirmation might help. Or even better, tell someone about it. Tell someone, who will care and hype you up, that you had planned this, and thought it would be hard to follow through for such and such reasons, but then you managed to actually do this. Or write it down somewhere. (A combination of both is the daily thread!) It makes it seem more real.2. We also need to remember that everyone struggles with following through on their plans, barring some superhumans. We see this right here on forum, and everywhere else. So that's normal. It's important to remember what normal is, so that we can appreciate when we do something remarkable. Our brains make remarkable things seem normal right after we achieve them. You finish something, feel good for a sec, and then your brain is like "so what? This is what everyone does". But it's not! Achieving goals, any goal, is special. We can't let that baseline shift. Plus this also helps us forgive ourselves when we don't achieve them and lets us keep going.I do thing celebrating the wins is a habit. So it does come more easily once we get used to it. The other thing you mentioned - the fear of it not lasting - is a legitimate fear and i don't know how to deal with it except letting time soothe it (and it does). But the feeling significant thing, hell yeah we can do that :D
You just knope exactly what to say. Besides the daily thread I also have a digital planner where I strike things off for that sweet sweet visual confirmation. It’s really the brain telling me “so what?” that I need to counter actively. Journaling helps, forum helps a lot as well, but like you said, it’s a habit, and habits take time. I suppose time will make things better.
I had a massive existential voice note rant (I record the more memorable ones for later perusal) last night, where I realised that I struggle with finding purpose. I’m naturally one of those people who needs a tangible goal to work towards, a very “eyes-on-the-prize” mentality, but throughout this journey I’ve been feeling very “untethered” because these studies are so contrary to my inner wiring. I feel I’m filling my days with work, but not with purpose because somewhere in the back of my mind, I’m afraid if I search for a purpose, I won’t find anything, or realise just how futile chasing after the elusive victory is.
I’m very tempted to delete this entire exposé, but I’m trying this thing where I push myself to accept my vulnerabilities and showcase them to the world. Being a control freak who likes to maintain the illusion of “I have everything under control. You don’t need to worry about me” this is immensely scary.
The last bit is immensely relatable. It’s so hard to open up and be vulnerable when you are thought of as someone who is just naturally poised to have things under control. Someone who is tough and determined. Then add to that the feeling of being put on pedestal (someone who won’t falter) and the overbearing weight of (real and perceived) expectations.
Pehle chal jata tha, but since entering this phase of my life, I cry whenever I want to and I need all the hugs I can get.
It is what it is.
Hey friends, quick question. How do you get to enjoying the small victories and celebrating your wins? I honesty can’t truly enjoy my wins however small or significant, because I’m either afraid that they wont last, or I struggle to make them feel significant for me. For a quick example: I’m not claiming to be the perfect aspirant or anything, in fact far from it, but i feel this attempt so far I’ve been pretty good with my note making/ studies in general, in two days I’m about to complete my ethics. In comparison last year, i finished my first revision of paper 4 the week before mains began (hangs head in shame) and yet I struggle to appreciate how much better positioned I am this year. Any help would be appreciated.Don't think of it as celebrating your wins, but think of it as celebrating progress. Convince yourself that these actions (in our case studying and completing a chapter or whatever) is moving you closer to your goal. If we are convinced our actions are creating progress, then we are much more motivated to do it. There was a study done (I can't remember the exact details) where people were made to run. One group was made to run but their scenery wouldn't change so essentially they wouldn't "see" any progress while the other group that was made to run would see the scenery change so they would feel they were making some progress. The second group ran longer than the first group. I'll try to see if I can find the link to this study.
I had a massive existential voice note rant (I record the more memorable ones for later perusal) last night, where I realised that I struggle with finding purpose. I’m naturally one of those people who needs a tangible goal to work towards, a very “eyes-on-the-prize” mentality, but throughout this journey I’ve been feeling very “untethered” because these studies are so contrary to my inner wiring. I feel I’m filling my days with work, but not with purpose because somewhere in the back of my mind, I’m afraid if I search for a purpose, I won’t find anything, or realise just how futile chasing after the elusive victory is.
I’m very tempted to delete this entire exposé, but I’m trying this thing where I push myself to accept my vulnerabilities and showcase them to the world. Being a control freak who likes to maintain the illusion of “I have everything under control. You don’t need to worry about me” this is immensely scary.
It's like looking in a mirror!
I try to convince myself that the work is the purpose. It's not just a journey of clearing the exam, but one of immense personal growth. And I am just trying to value the growth too. But easier said than done.
And that illusion is so tempting to keep up :( I have a hard time admitting that I'm struggling because I don't want people to worry, or know that i dont have a handle on things. I feel like no matter how messy it is inside my head, if I just keep the outside in order like it's supposed to be and keep up the facade, it will get better. That's a way of feeling in control. It would be so much easier to just admit I'm lost, but no. It's half ego and half fear. I am working on this too. I hope we both succeed soon friend :)
Off late I’ve been trying to get back to my “done with deadlines on time” self, and everyday I complete my tasks I think of it as getting one step closer to my old self. One foot in front of the other, my friend :)
How do you guys manage to award yourself a guilt free day off (like once a month or so)? May be I am more competitive, but whenever I try to take a day off I end up in guilt. The thought that someone would be studying while I am enjoying here is so depressing. Also is everyone contended with their daily routine? I always feel I can do more if I push myself further.
I feel we’ve all become so entrenched in this hustle culture, we don’t really know to disengage. Tbh I struggle with the last part myself, as far as feeling like I’m doing enough is concerned. When it comes to taking breaks, I really try to decouple the break from a sense of rewarding myself. I’m not Pavlov’s dog, I don’t want to be one either. I take a break as and when I feel like it, some months there are more break days than other. Some days are bad, when I don’t achieve any of my targets, some days are good when I’ve breezed through most things by mid day itself.
On the bad days, I try to handle it like I would handle a childish tantrum. No amount of screaming, or punishing is going to make it better, sometimes you just need to put it in a naughty corner, ignore it and ask for it to reflect on its actions (I have many young cousins, can vouch for this working 100/5 times). It sometimes means watching YouTube or binging Netflix and allowing myself to do that, and do a reset the next day. For the most part it works for me.
In short, I don’t designate break days, I take them as when I need them, earmarking them as personal/ self-care days. Doing so in the past made me extremely resentful of getting back to work
I had a massive existential voice note rant (I record the more memorable ones for later perusal) last night, where I realised that I struggle with finding purpose. I’m naturally one of those people who needs a tangible goal to work towards, a very “eyes-on-the-prize” mentality, but throughout this journey I’ve been feeling very “untethered” because these studies are so contrary to my inner wiring. I feel I’m filling my days with work, but not with purpose because somewhere in the back of my mind, I’m afraid if I search for a purpose, I won’t find anything, or realise just how futile chasing after the elusive victory is.
I’m very tempted to delete this entire exposé, but I’m trying this thing where I push myself to accept my vulnerabilities and showcase them to the world. Being a control freak who likes to maintain the illusion of “I have everything under control. You don’t need to worry about me” this is immensely scary.
The last bit is immensely relatable. It’s so hard to open up and be vulnerable when you are thought of as someone who is just naturally poised to have things under control. Someone who is tough and determined. Then add to that the feeling of being put on pedestal (someone who won’t falter) and the overbearing weight of (real and perceived) expectations.
Pehle chal jata tha, but since entering this phase of my life, I cry whenever I want to and I need all the hugs I can get.
It is what it is.
Yes to all these things, including the hugs and crying.
Villanelle,thesleepyhead
How do you guys manage to award yourself a guilt free day off (like once a month or so)? May be I am more competitive, but whenever I try to take a day off I end up in guilt. The thought that someone would be studying while I am enjoying here is so depressing. Also is everyone contended with their daily routine? I always feel I can do more if I push myself further.
I dont plan them. I take it when i just can't keep going. Sometimes that is when I'm so frustrated that the guilt doesn't even come until the next day, and on the next day it acts as a motivator. But on the days when it comes i try to remind myself that my brain needs it and can't work without it.
The everyone else is studying thing... I think with an exam that is SOO competitive that the competition stops being relevant. Sure there is someone studying as we take a break. There is also someone working in an office, someone trying to study and failing for the tenth consecutive day, someone just starting their prep, someone doing something else... and everyone has their own way of working. I think we just need to remind ourselves that we compete only with ourselves. And the cool thing about that is that we make the rules.
I find that I am satisfied with my daily routine when I know I have not wasted time. Spending time doing things i like is not wasting time. But when it crosses a certain limit and I know I am doing it only because I don't want to study, amd no other reason (like mindless youtube binges) then it feels like wastage. One can always theoretically do more. Everyone doing anything worthwhile thinks that. But if we try to focus on what we did do and find that there was nothing much wrong in the day, that's enough. Besides, if we find things that should be eliminated, then hey, you have a clear goal to reach, instead of the never ending pursuit of "doing more" :)
How do you guys manage to award yourself a guilt free day off (like once a month or so)? May be I am more competitive, but whenever I try to take a day off I end up in guilt. The thought that someone would be studying while I am enjoying here is so depressing. Also is everyone contended with their daily routine? I always feel I can do more if I push myself further.I dont plan them. I take it when i just can't keep going. Sometimes that is when I'm so frustrated that the guilt doesn't even come until the next day, and on the next day it acts as a motivator. But on the days when it comes i try to remind myself that my brain needs it and can't work without it.
The everyone else is studying thing... I think with an exam that is SOO competitive that the competition stops being relevant. Sure there is someone studying as we take a break. There is also someone working in an office, someone trying to study and failing for the tenth consecutive day, someone just starting their prep, someone doing something else... and everyone has their own way of working. I think we just need to remind ourselves that we compete only with ourselves. And the cool thing about that is that we make the rules.
I find that I am satisfied with my daily routine when I know I have not wasted time. Spending time doing things i like is not wasting time. But when it crosses a certain limit and I know I am doing it only because I don't want to study, amd no other reason (like mindless youtube binges) then it feels like wastage. One can always theoretically do more. Everyone doing anything worthwhile thinks that. But if we try to focus on what we did do and find that there was nothing much wrong in the day, that's enough. Besides, if we find things that should be eliminated, then hey, you have a clear goal to reach, instead of the never ending pursuit of "doing more" :)
Dude, just amazed by your ability to write lengthy paras on almost any topic :)
Consider writing for The Hindu :P
Guys we are not alone. Even JRD Tata felt very similar things. Sorry for so many comments but I think this is something that was very relevant to our discussion.
————
“Rekindling a spark of enthusiasm (Bombay, October 1982)”
In October 1932, twenty-eight year old J.R.D Tata had flown solo from Karachi to Bombay on a single-engined plane carrying air mail. The flight heralded the birth of his company Tata Airlines which would go on to become Air India. J.R.D. repeated the flight in October 1962 and again twenty years later, on the flight’s golden jubilee. He was, then, two years short of eighty. There was a crowd to receive him when his Leopard Moth landed in Juhu airport at the end of the last trip and he made this delightful speech—extempore—to the gathering.
It has been said at times that there are moments in life when one feels that if there was a nice big hole in front of one, one would gladly plunge into it. This is one such moment, as I have never been so embarrassed in my life as I have been this evening listening to the speeches about me.
His Excellency the Governor has been good enough to say that I am a modest man. I have usually felt that I had plenty to be modest about. And even today, in flying to Karachi and bringing back a perfectly safe aeroplane—an old lady, it is true, but one who gets on very well with her old pilot—I did not feel that I was doing anything that required great skill, courage or competence. I did not have to cross high mountains, or to battle with snowstorms or fog. On both these occasions, as also fifty years ago, the flight was a relatively simple one of merely staying the air and navigating with reasonable accuracy. There was, it is true, one difference this time. Fifty years ago, the only means I had to navigate was to look at the map, and at the ground passing below me, follow a compass and hope that I was going to end up where I intended to. Today, there was a radio to help me. I do feel with no sense of undue modesty that the compliments and congratulations showered on me are greatly in excess of my performance. But I won’t say that I didn’t enjoy hearing them, however undeserving of them I may feel and I am terribly grateful for them.
Right from childhood, I have been mad about flying and anxiously waited for the day when I would fly myself. I read about every well-known pilot from the beginnings of aviation and was enthralled by their feats. Lindbergh’s flight in 1927, in thirty-three hours across the Atlantic in a single-engined plane that was at least six years older than this one, was the kind of achievement that would merit all that has been said today.
I am a little disappointed that I have not been asked, ‘Why the hell did you do it, if it was so simple?’ In fact, I was asked that in 1962 when I did the same thing. At that time I felt—as I feel even more so today—that the birth of civil aviation and commercial aviation in India, and the growth of air transport over a period of thirty years deserved some kind of celebration. I did not think then that twenty years later, at an age approaching seventy-nine, there would either be an aeroplane for me to fly or that I would be fit to fly. So that was the reason then and so was it today.
I felt that I should do something myself to celebrate and commemorate the occasion (Golden Jubilee) and the only thing I was fit for was to fly an aeroplane.
I had also two other reasons. One was that I wanted to dedicate a gesture to those, at first in handfuls, then in hundreds and finally in thousands, the men and women who, over a period of forty-six years had helped me to build up Air-India and Indian air transport. I wanted to express in some way my gratitude and pay tribute to them and I did not know of any other way of dramatizing the event than by the personal gesture of this flight. And so to them and to Air-India who sponsored the flight and got the plane repaired, renewed, refurbished, and made flyable, I express today my very deep gratitude for the enthusiasm, for the toil and the sweat they contributed to our joint endeavour and for sharing with me the joys as well as the heartbreaks of the past fifty years.
The other reason which I think motivated me was to relive a memorable occasion of the past, something one often wants to do—for instance, one’s engagement or marriage. Some people do it by marrying more than once. But nowadays with taxes as they are, very few people can afford more than one wife. In any case, my wife might have taken a dismal view of any such thought on my part.
I also had another reason. As I got older, I felt distressed that in recent times there was a growing sense of disenchantment in our land, that the hopes, the aspirations, the enthusiasm, the zest, the joy with which freedom was received in our country some thirty-five years ago, and even before that, the achievements that we participated in, including the creation of Air-India had faded, that there was a loss of morale, a loss of belief in ourselves.
When you talk to young people today, their main worry is to get a job. I don’t blame them. It is a real worry. But also, there seems no longer to be the feeling that we can do things as well or better than others or even things that others haven’t done. So I thought that, perhaps, this flight would rekindle a spark of enthusiasm, a desire to do something for the country and for its good name, and that it would show that even in these days, when aviation is no longer an adventure but only big business, the times for pioneering are not gone. There are many other things that can be done and many things that the young of this country can do and must steel themselves to doing, however difficult, however discouraging at times the environment, the conditions may be.
And so, in a small way, this flight of mine today was intended to inspire a little hope and enthusiasm in the younger people of our country. I want them to feel, those who are today at a stage of their life I was at in 1932 (fifty years ago), that when they are seventy-eight—and I hope they all will live at least to seventy-eight—they will feel like I do, that despite all the difficulties, all the frustrations, there is a joy in having done something as well as you could and better than others thought you could. I thank you all for your presence.
LetsGetThisBread,Friends I just changed my username, do not be alarmed I’m not a victim of identity theft.Yes, 'cause identity theft is not a joke! Millions of families suffer every year!
EDIT: Just to clarify this is a The Office reference. I'm not that unhinged (usually).
*yells “Michael!” at the top of one’s lungs*
Villanelle,BurtMacklin_FBI
I am not sure why many people haven't mentioned this beautiful thing called "meditation". In a world full of chaos it is the only thing that keeps me sane.
Meditation helped me a lot last year. I somehow lost track a few months back and haven't been able to get back to it. But yes, there's simply nothing else like meditation!
AJ_,
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