How many of you suffer from depression/negativity? - ForumIAS

How many of you suffer from depression/negativity?

jack_Sparrow,rootand8 otherslike this
32.1k views

192 comments

Hey friends, quick question. How do you get to enjoying the small victories and celebrating your wins? I honesty can’t truly enjoy my wins however small or significant, because I’m either afraid that they wont last, or I struggle to make them feel significant for me. For a quick example: I’m not claiming to be the perfect aspirant or anything, in fact far from it, but i feel this attempt so far I’ve been pretty good with my note making/ studies in general, in two days I’m about to complete my ethics. In comparison last year, i finished my first revision of paper 4 the week before mains began (hangs head in shame) and yet I struggle to appreciate how much better positioned I am this year. Any help would be appreciated.

Don't think of it as celebrating your wins, but think of it as celebrating progress. Convince yourself that these actions (in our case studying and completing a chapter or whatever) is moving you closer to your goal. If we are convinced our actions are creating progress, then we are much more motivated to do it. There was a study done (I can't remember the exact details) where people were made to run. One group was made to run but their scenery wouldn't change so essentially they wouldn't "see" any progress while the other group that was made to run would see the scenery change so they would feel they were making some progress. The second group ran longer than the first group. I'll try to see if I can find the link to this study.

I had a massive existential voice note rant (I record the more memorable ones for later perusal) last night, where I realised that I struggle with finding purpose. I’m naturally one of those people who needs a tangible goal to work towards, a very “eyes-on-the-prize” mentality, but throughout this journey I’ve been feeling very “untethered” because these studies are so contrary to my inner wiring. I feel I’m filling my days with work, but not with purpose because somewhere in the back of my mind, I’m afraid if I search for a purpose, I won’t find anything, or realise just how futile chasing after the elusive victory is. 


I’m very tempted to delete this entire exposé, but I’m trying this thing where I push myself to accept my vulnerabilities and showcase them to the world. Being a control freak who likes to maintain the illusion of “I have everything under control. You don’t need to worry about me” this is immensely scary.

It's like looking in a mirror!

I try to convince myself that the work is the purpose. It's not just a journey of clearing the exam, but one of immense personal growth. And I am just trying to value the growth too. But easier said than done. 

And that illusion is so tempting to keep up :( I have a hard time admitting that I'm struggling because I don't want people to worry, or know that i dont have a handle on things. I feel like no matter how messy it is inside my head, if I just keep the outside in order like it's supposed to be and keep up the facade, it will get better. That's a way of feeling in control. It would be so much easier to just admit I'm lost, but no. It's half ego and half fear. I am working on this too. I hope we both succeed soon friend :)


Off late I’ve been trying to get back to my “done with deadlines on time” self, and everyday I complete my tasks I think of it as getting one step closer to my old self. One foot in front of the other, my friend :)

Maybe the point isn’t to get back to the old self. Maybe this is who you are now. Maybe once you let go of the pressure of keeping up with the image you have of your “old self” or getting back to that self, maybe you’ll see just how beautiful the present moment is. And you’ll truly appreciate the progress that you make day by day. The goal isn’t necessarily to get back to your old self, right? The goal is to constantly move forward and every day that you try, you remain committed to that goal. Of course you will win some days and lose some days. But remember that the wins take you forward, the losses cause you to stay at the same place. At the end of the day, you are still moving forward. 

On a long enough timeline, this exam can cause you to question the very idea you have of who you think you are. It’s almost impossible to find a straight answer too. The same question is likely to arise again time after time, and that’s fine too. Maybe your own insecurities are getting the better of you at this point, and you are just trying to navigate them the best way you know how. If you think about it,  that’s beautiful too. Joy can be found in the present moment, the way things are. Only the present moment is real, the past and the future exist only in our minds and are shaped purely by our perceptions. So, maybe there is no old self or present self or future self. Only self. And you need to be kind to yourself. If celebrating your wins is making you feel guilty, maybe you don’t need to celebrate them. Maybe you just need to remind yourself how thankful you are that the wins happened, and how you felt when they didn’t. Sorry for the unsolicited advice, just my two cents from my experience over the past few years. Please ignore it if any or all of it is irrelevant to you. Good luck. 

If you can’t get bread, remember that you can always have cake. Sorry, I had to :P

Fireheart,sonderand14 otherslike this
3.8k views
All these meditation tips are making me want to try it out for earnest. Is there some set time you guys would recommend I start with? Do you meditate when you feel overwhelmed, or is it built into your daily routine? Do you do it on an “as and when” basis or do you do it daily?

Early in the morning before coffee or late in the night right before sleep works well for me. You may want to try and see how it goes for you. 

Not promoting but app called headspace helped me. Try kar sakte ho. First 10 session free deta hai. 

I like the idea of night time meditation. I anyway have a wind down routine to help me fall asleep easier, this could be an addition to it

3.4k views
@LetsGetThisBread I started with 5- 10 minutes guided meditations available on youtube and some apps such as Headspace. Its become a regular thing for me now as in I do it every alternate day if not everyday. 

Initially, I didn't really understand the way its benefitting me but being patient has been the key. Journaling and Mindfulness have been the two pillars to deal with my anxiety and stress. They help to understand my own thoughts  and get rid of the negative ones because more often than not the negative thoughts are just blank statements like "I am not good at this" or "I wont succeed" without any substantial content to them. So when I could sit and observe these without getting overwhelmed, it helped me immensely in dealing with them. It has also just helped me understand myself better - a process which just paused since a few years thanks to the constant distraction of mobile phones and social media. 

Sending you hugs and positivity.


I love journaling for this very reason. It has helped me understand how I respond to the world so much better.

whatonly,
3.4k views

sbhatisaid

I have been doing meditation only for a month but this is how I understand it. Please do enlighten me if I am wrong somewhere. I think the aim is to cultivate a habit of non-judgmental awareness. I am reading “Mindfulness in Plain English” by Bhante Gunaratana and he puts it thus. We have a tendency to classify all our experiences or sensations as good, bad or neutral. The one’s we classify as good, we try to hold on to them. But, nothing in life remains the same for long (momentariness of everything is a core idea of Buddhism as philosophy optional students would know). The sensations we classify as bad, we try to run away from them. But then we have a limited control over our environment and circumstances. The sensations we classify as neutral, we simply ignore them. But majority of our experiences fall into this category. So we end up ignoring 90% of our experience and then we find life monotonous and joyless. All this generates a kind of existential angst. Hence, the purpose is to cultivate awareness and do this without classifying and judging everything. We start with focusing on our breath because this helps steady our mind (In Yoga philosophy also, yoga is defined as “Chitta-vritti-nirodha” or cessation of modification of chitta or simply cessation of restlessness of mind). Then we move on to focusing on our bodily sensations and our environment and so forth. But all this applies to Vipasana or insight meditation only, which I think is the more popular form. There are other forms as well but I don’t much about them.

This idea of overcoming restlessness is very necessary for me. As someone who has an over active imagination and a propensity for daydreaming, this is something I truly struggle with. Thank you for sharing this with me

3.4k views
Hey friends, quick question. How do you get to enjoying the small victories and celebrating your wins? I honesty can’t truly enjoy my wins however small or significant, because I’m either afraid that they wont last, or I struggle to make them feel significant for me. For a quick example: I’m not claiming to be the perfect aspirant or anything, in fact far from it, but i feel this attempt so far I’ve been pretty good with my note making/ studies in general, in two days I’m about to complete my ethics. In comparison last year, i finished my first revision of paper 4 the week before mains began (hangs head in shame) and yet I struggle to appreciate how much better positioned I am this year. Any help would be appreciated.

Don't think of it as celebrating your wins, but think of it as celebrating progress. Convince yourself that these actions (in our case studying and completing a chapter or whatever) is moving you closer to your goal. If we are convinced our actions are creating progress, then we are much more motivated to do it. There was a study done (I can't remember the exact details) where people were made to run. One group was made to run but their scenery wouldn't change so essentially they wouldn't "see" any progress while the other group that was made to run would see the scenery change so they would feel they were making some progress. The second group ran longer than the first group. I'll try to see if I can find the link to this study.

I had a massive existential voice note rant (I record the more memorable ones for later perusal) last night, where I realised that I struggle with finding purpose. I’m naturally one of those people who needs a tangible goal to work towards, a very “eyes-on-the-prize” mentality, but throughout this journey I’ve been feeling very “untethered” because these studies are so contrary to my inner wiring. I feel I’m filling my days with work, but not with purpose because somewhere in the back of my mind, I’m afraid if I search for a purpose, I won’t find anything, or realise just how futile chasing after the elusive victory is. 


I’m very tempted to delete this entire exposé, but I’m trying this thing where I push myself to accept my vulnerabilities and showcase them to the world. Being a control freak who likes to maintain the illusion of “I have everything under control. You don’t need to worry about me” this is immensely scary.

It's like looking in a mirror!

I try to convince myself that the work is the purpose. It's not just a journey of clearing the exam, but one of immense personal growth. And I am just trying to value the growth too. But easier said than done. 

And that illusion is so tempting to keep up :( I have a hard time admitting that I'm struggling because I don't want people to worry, or know that i dont have a handle on things. I feel like no matter how messy it is inside my head, if I just keep the outside in order like it's supposed to be and keep up the facade, it will get better. That's a way of feeling in control. It would be so much easier to just admit I'm lost, but no. It's half ego and half fear. I am working on this too. I hope we both succeed soon friend :)


Off late I’ve been trying to get back to my “done with deadlines on time” self, and everyday I complete my tasks I think of it as getting one step closer to my old self. One foot in front of the other, my friend :)

Maybe the point isn’t to get back to the old self. Maybe this is who you are now. Maybe once you let go of the pressure of keeping up with the image you have of your “old self” or getting back to that self, maybe you’ll see just how beautiful the present moment is. And you’ll truly appreciate the progress that you make day by day. The goal isn’t necessarily to get back to your old self, right? The goal is to constantly move forward and every day that you try, you remain committed to that goal. Of course you will win some days and lose some days. But remember that the wins take you forward, the losses cause you to stay at the same place. At the end of the day, you are still moving forward. 

On a long enough timeline, this exam can cause you to question the very idea you have of who you think you are. It’s almost impossible to find a straight answer too. The same question is likely to arise again time after time, and that’s fine too. Maybe your own insecurities are getting the better of you at this point, and you are just trying to navigate them the best way you know how. If you think about it,  that’s beautiful too. Joy can be found in the present moment, the way things are. Only the present moment is real, the past and the future exist only in our minds and are shaped purely by our perceptions. So, maybe there is no old self or present self or future self. Only self. And you need to be kind to yourself. If celebrating your wins is making you feel guilty, maybe you don’t need to celebrate them. Maybe you just need to remind yourself how thankful you are that the wins happened, and how you felt when they didn’t. Sorry for the unsolicited advice, just my two cents from my experience over the past few years. Please ignore it if any or all of it is irrelevant to you. Good luck. 

If you can’t get bread, remember that you can always have cake. Sorry, I had to :P

God, is that you? One day you’ll write a book and I will buy it. This was extremely insightful and truly sensitive. Thank you for this. Starring this for a day when I really need to be reminded of this.

BD,SergioRamosand4 otherslike this
3.3k views
@LetsGetThisBreadI can relate to that. This is exactly why I started learning about meditation. Sitting for sessions is still difficult for me. Mind wanders off to uncomfortable places very easily. Hopefully it will get easier with time. All the best.
sjerngal,LetsGetThisBread
3.3k views

https://yourdost.com/ - It is an online counselling service where you can book an appointment and chat anonymously with verified psychologists and counselors on various issues like stress/anxiety/self improvement/relationships etc. I tried it a few times and it helped me. You can also give it a try. 

sbhati,AJ_and2 otherslike this
3.1k views
@root I didn't know we could report comments. That sounds fair. Thank you for the response :) How to do that? 


2.8k views

Guys we are not alone. Even JRD Tata felt very similar things. Sorry for so many comments but I think this is something that was very relevant to our discussion.

————


“Rekindling a spark of enthusiasm (Bombay, October 1982)”

In October 1932, twenty-eight year old J.R.D Tata had flown solo from Karachi to Bombay on a single-engined plane carrying air mail. The flight heralded the birth of his company Tata Airlines which would go on to become Air India. J.R.D. repeated the flight in October 1962 and again twenty years later, on the flight’s golden jubilee. He was, then, two years short of eighty. There was a crowd to receive him when his Leopard Moth landed in Juhu airport at the end of the last trip and he made this delightful speech—extempore—to the gathering.


It has been said at times that there are moments in life when one feels that if there was a nice big hole in front of one, one would gladly plunge into it. This is one such moment, as I have never been so embarrassed in my life as I have been this evening listening to the speeches about me.

His Excellency the Governor has been good enough to say that I am a modest man. I have usually felt that I had plenty to be modest about. And even today, in flying to Karachi and bringing back a perfectly safe aeroplane—an old lady, it is true, but one who gets on very well with her old pilot—I did not feel that I was doing anything that required great skill, courage or competence. I did not have to cross high mountains, or to battle with snowstorms or fog. On both these occasions, as also fifty years ago, the flight was a relatively simple one of merely staying the air and navigating with reasonable accuracy. There was, it is true, one difference this time. Fifty years ago, the only means I had to navigate was to look at the map, and at the ground passing below me, follow a compass and hope that I was going to end up where I intended to. Today, there was a radio to help me. I do feel with no sense of undue modesty that the compliments and congratulations showered on me are greatly in excess of my performance. But I won’t say that I didn’t enjoy hearing them, however undeserving of them I may feel and I am terribly grateful for them.

Right from childhood, I have been mad about flying and anxiously waited for the day when I would fly myself. I read about every well-known pilot from the beginnings of aviation and was enthralled by their feats. Lindbergh’s flight in 1927, in thirty-three hours across the Atlantic in a single-engined plane that was at least six years older than this one, was the kind of achievement that would merit all that has been said today.

I am a little disappointed that I have not been asked, ‘Why the hell did you do it, if it was so simple?’ In fact, I was asked that in 1962 when I did the same thing. At that time I felt—as I feel even more so today—that the birth of civil aviation and commercial aviation in India, and the growth of air transport over a period of thirty years deserved some kind of celebration. I did not think then that twenty years later, at an age approaching seventy-nine, there would either be an aeroplane for me to fly or that I would be fit to fly. So that was the reason then and so was it today.

I felt that I should do something myself to celebrate and commemorate the occasion (Golden Jubilee) and the only thing I was fit for was to fly an aeroplane.

I had also two other reasons. One was that I wanted to dedicate a gesture to those, at first in handfuls, then in hundreds and finally in thousands, the men and women who, over a period of forty-six years had helped me to build up Air-India and Indian air transport. I wanted to express in some way my gratitude and pay tribute to them and I did not know of any other way of dramatizing the event than by the personal gesture of this flight. And so to them and to Air-India who sponsored the flight and got the plane repaired, renewed, refurbished, and made flyable, I express today my very deep gratitude for the enthusiasm, for the toil and the sweat they contributed to our joint endeavour and for sharing with me the joys as well as the heartbreaks of the past fifty years.

The other reason which I think motivated me was to relive a memorable occasion of the past, something one often wants to do—for instance, one’s engagement or marriage. Some people do it by marrying more than once. But nowadays with taxes as they are, very few people can afford more than one wife. In any case, my wife might have taken a dismal view of any such thought on my part.

I also had another reason. As I got older, I felt distressed that in recent times there was a growing sense of disenchantment in our land, that the hopes, the aspirations, the enthusiasm, the zest, the joy with which freedom was received in our country some thirty-five years ago, and even before that, the achievements that we participated in, including the creation of Air-India had faded, that there was a loss of morale, a loss of belief in ourselves.

When you talk to young people today, their main worry is to get a job. I don’t blame them. It is a real worry. But also, there seems no longer to be the feeling that we can do things as well or better than others or even things that others haven’t done. So I thought that, perhaps, this flight would rekindle a spark of enthusiasm, a desire to do something for the country and for its good name, and that it would show that even in these days, when aviation is no longer an adventure but only big business, the times for pioneering are not gone. There are many other things that can be done and many things that the young of this country can do and must steel themselves to doing, however difficult, however discouraging at times the environment, the conditions may be.

And so, in a small way, this flight of mine today was intended to inspire a little hope and enthusiasm in the younger people of our country. I want them to feel, those who are today at a stage of their life I was at in 1932 (fifty years ago), that when they are seventy-eight—and I hope they all will live at least to seventy-eight—they will feel like I do, that despite all the difficulties, all the frustrations, there is a joy in having done something as well as you could and better than others thought you could. I thank you all for your presence.

What eloquence and brevity!  Thank you so much for sharing this, dost.  :) 

whatonly,thesleepyhead
2.8k views
We all have different ways to deal with negativity. Talking to my mom always does the trick for me. It might feel like we're shielding our parents by not sharing our problems/thoughts/feelings with them but they still know. They ALWAYS know. I've also restarted meditation, it helps me. I had stopped for the past few months because I had fooled myself into believing that I couldn't spare a few minutes everyday. 
Aurora,Villanelleand7 otherslike this
2.6k views

@AzadHindFauz since you were thinking about using Mindspace, I thought I'd recommend an app that I found to be similar but better- Waking Up

https://wakingup.com

PS- I am not a Sam Harris fan (that's an understatement, I think he's a pompous fool), but I still liked the app.

AzadHindFauz,discoFighter
2.3k views
Quite surprised that no one mentioned the Calm app. I've tried headspace too but found it a bit superficial. It didn't serve what I was looking for. 
You can get the mod apk version of Calm online which unlocks premium features for free. 
2k views
@KropotkinSchmopotkin ‘Pompous fool’ - why?


His "Moral Landscape" tries to solve a normative problem (what ought to be) with positive statements (what is) and runs into the basic is-ought problem of Hume. He tries to hide his ethical biases behind "science" or "logic" or "common sense". In our postmodern age of a general incredulity towards metanarratives, he tries to pass off his metanarrative as "truth" while showing little critical awareness. He is an okay public speaker but not much of a philosopher.

sbhati,
2.1k views
Deleted
@calvinhobbes Are mod versions safe to use?


2.1k views
@NobitaNobi there's always a risk element though. I used mod version extensively during 2015-16. Didn't see any red flags there. Also, I think mod older versions are pretty safe. 


1.9k views
@KropotkinSchmopotkin what would be these ethical biases be? It would be helpful if you could provide some examples :)


1.8k views
@KropotkinSchmopotkin what would be these ethical biases be? It would be helpful if you could provide some examples :)


Privileging of individualism over collectivism, privileging of logic over emotion (eg empathy)- these are hallmarks of Western Enlightenment masculinistic thinking. They seem like common sense for someone growing up with "Western" values (which would include a lot of English-speaking Indians). However, there is no reason why this dichotomisation and the consequent hierarchization must apply across cultures and times. 

sbhati,Arsene
1.7k views
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