–Prologue / Monologue by Neyawn Begins–

Sometime in 2023, after this video, I got an angry mail.

The email had an accusation.

It said  – “Mr neyawn only meets toppers and officers, and he had no time for real students who are struggling with prelims”[&]

At first, it made me a little angry.

But then I thought, why not really work with people whom have not even cleared prelims[!!] and see what is the best ForumIAS can do.[#]

So when I met  a young girl from Patna, who said she give her life,[3] just to write the Mains ONCE, it got me thinking – what could I possibly do?

She had already given almost half a decade for the preparation, with zero prelims results.

Perhaps I should tell her that she should have no hopes. And that she should explore “other” jobs – because if one cannot *even clear prelims* in so many years, what good is one to make it to the services?

10 years ago, I would be a person saying this.

But not in 2023.

When I already had seen a determined young girl with two prelims failures, clear the exam ( and become IAS ), before her father retired from State Bank of India.

Or perhaps, people get through a rank – and proper  I.A.S, after 6-7 years. Or perhaps witness, a certain Natasha walk the same path to success, and prove to the world, that in the end, if you really want something, the Universe shall conspire.

To give you what you really want.

But for this girl from Patna, I wasn’t really sure when she messaged me.

But then you see, she was in Ethics+ classes at some point. And while I have no misconceptions about being a great GS IV teacher, I had somehow seen people from the class – with a handful of students, sometimes as less as 4 of them, massively and disproportionately make it to the list. I mean it in these classes with less than double digit strength, I had met Smriti, Natasha, Zinnia, Kashish, Tanuj, Lavanya, Benzo. And somehow they had cleared the exam with a rank. In the hindsight, I sometimes think it was luck, given the extremely small student base of the program.

And I had my own guilts. When I was at my wit’s end as to why someone as bright as this kid, can’t make it through Prelims for like 4 times, I felt we needed a system where we can monitor them better. In the company of equally hard working and competitive people. Especially, if they have studied even once in life.

Do not get me wrong – The only reason for looking for people who have studied even once is life is that if you make them study like real hard – like studying till 1AM and then again from 4AM in the morning – they won’t blame you for it. They somehow begin to enjoy it, it brings the best out of them – and later – much later – they thank you for it.

And thank she did. Sometime at 6AM, on January 1, 2024 when most of working people slept after a late night party, I was behind my keyboard changing the world at least for/of one person answering emails from like minded people who were studying on the night of December 31st ( while the rest of the world celebrated the Earth completing yet another circle around her star.)

I still have a copy of those messages

You see, the only silver lining to my line of work is that, for some reason, the people you believe in, deliver. Not in the beginning. Not in the middle.

But in the end, they deliver. Somehow.

And perhaps they’ve worked as hard as you.

And I have my redemption.

Devika did deliver. Not just on results, but the promises she made.

For me she is a hero.

Amidst the worst things that could perhaps happen in the year 2024, the one saving grace was this message in my inbox  – which I believe shall be a highlight of my career – for it was exactly for such students that I had been thinking of setting up an FRC for.

At first, I thought of not writing her story. Or FRC’s – for its best to run a secret project until you get Rank 1.

But last night, I received a whatsapp message from an old acquaintance.

And he isn’t one to mince words when things do not go right.

When I read it, I thought, lets share this.

Here is Devika’s story. Of how after years, attempts, this young girl from a small city cleared her first Prelims.

— Monologue / Prologue Ends —-

About Me

I come from the city of Patna, the cradle of heritage and civilization. I completed my schooling from Notre Dame Academy, Patna – one of the finest schools for girls in my city. Perhaps in all of Bihar.

I had always been a good student – one of those 10 CGPA students. I come from a family with a medical background – which made it even difficult to opt for Humanities after Class 10.

But with the dream of Civil Services always at the back of my mind, and inspired by the idea of public service by my father- a government doctor, I chose Humanities in Class 12.

I even scored a 92% percent, earning myself a place in the famous Patna Women’s College, pursuing my Bachelor’s in History.

I do not have much to look back to in life, for I only studied – with the single goal of Civil Services in my mind. The University Gold Medal at Patna Women’s College were merely milestones.

I jumped into Civil Services like everyone else – hoping to conquer it. Just like everyone else.

It wasn’t until four year later in a classroom in Delhi, Ayush Sir first said that UPSC remains the toughest, and least prepared for exam – for most of us first write the exam, then start the preparation.

I was no different. Despite the gold medals in college, the 10 CGPAs in school, I failed at UPSC. Not once, not twice. But year after year.

If it wasn’t for the limits to the attempts, I would have perhaps lost count.

And I had no clue why this was happening to me.

For my second attempt, I did prepare diligently for a year, even joined a year-long test series, but my disproportionate focus on current affairs cost me that year .

But ,as they say, when you miss the bus, you miss the bus.

My third attempt

Learning from my mistakes, I reoriented my strategy for the third attempt. This time I covered all the static subjects thoroughly with multiple revisions. And yet, I got nothing but defeat.

I missed the cut-off by one mark.

When I looked back, I felt that I had insulated myself from the real word exam simulations, choosing to write all mock tests in the comfort of my room. And in the real exam, I perhaps succumbed to the extreme stress of the examination hall. The anxiety taught me a key lesson – the importance of real exam-like simulations.

I was broken.

This time, the failure was different. It wasn’t the usual try-try-again. Or failure-is-the-mother-of-success.

I was done.

This failure broke something deep within me.

I now had less attempts ahead of me than behind me. And I did not know what to do.

I wasn’t keen on the perks of the job. Or the tag of an IAS. Or the powers and the paraphernalia that comes with it.

All I wanted was to write Mains. Clear the exam. Maybe have my name in the list.

Thats all.

I then decided to take a two-year break, during which I completed my Master’s in History.

It is said that dreams are not those that we see when we sleep, but are those that do not let us sleep.

And that dream was somehow still alive. I gave my fourth attempt, only to miss the cut-off yet again.

I moved to Delhi

I now had fewer attempts ahead of me than I had behind me.

And I was broken. All I wanted was to give up.

If it were not for my mother’s belief in me, when I had none left in myself – I would not have taken this decision.

With her encouragement, I decided to seek proper guidance and moved to Delhi.

That is when I would meet Ayush Sir in person. I had quite followed his blogs as Neyawn. And the stories he wrote of toppers.  And wished someday he would write mine.

I still remember the date. It was the 19th of June. The year 2023. (the History student in me can’t help but mention dates).

It was around this time the CSE 2022 results had been announced, and I was deeply inspired by the story of Natasha Goyal Ma’am, who had secured AIR 175 that year, in her fifth attempt.

I adulated her, for I was to write my fifth attempt myself – and all I wanted was to clear the Prelims, write that elusive Mains at least once before I exhaust my attempts.

That meeting with Neyawn changed the trajectory of my preparation.

Till then, I had been focusing mainly on Mains but only by writing tests for GS and Optional.

I joined the Ethics plus classes, Current Affairs classes, and the AWFG for 2023 Mains, and I followed all the advice and inputs verbatim.

I would write down things in my notebook, every time I would go to see him after a bad day or bad score.

In a couple of months, I was done with  my Ethics plus classes and AWFG tests.

But due to the inhospitable environment in Karol Bagh, my health deteriorated.  And I had to move back home.

But this time, I stayed anchored to ForumIAS, continuing my classes online.

Will I be ever able to write Mains?

While I continued to work on Mains, yet there was a constant voice inside me that questioned if I would ever be able to write Mains.

It was somewhere around November, that I received the Forum Residential Coaching (FRC) notification , coming as a new lease of life for me.

I remember filling the application form within minutes of receiving the mail, somewhere around 6 AM.  It wasn’t that I wanted to get back to Delhi – but I felt that the much peer group and competition – from which I had sometimes run away – I needed to face that.

We had an online orientation and we were called to the FRC campus. Around 100 of us – all of whom had struggled with Prelims, came together.

It was both intimidating and exciting.

Our first test, a PYQ-based Polity paper, was held in the chilly December mornings of Gurugram on 9th December , 2024 .We didn’t have a permanent campus back then, but our hostels and classrooms were close by, and slowly , that made it feel like home.

The schedule at FRC was nothing but intense.

Our day began at 7 AM. With a one-hour test of 60 questions. After breakfast, classes continued till 1 PM, followed by a short lunch break, and resumed again till 6 PM. Evenings were for self-study in the library and test preparation for the next day. This is a pic of our library and classroom, which were like our second home for all those months.

I remember asking this question multiple times to Sir – How many hours we need to study? And I never got an answer.

But by the end of December, the question had changed from “How many hours to study?” to “How many hours to sleep?”

This was one picture taken by me before one of the tests sometime in December

The excellent peer group and competitive environment helped me – and probably everybody –  push our limits – apart from giving me some lifelong friends,for which I shall be forever grateful to FRC.

Level 1 of SFG continued till 9th February 2024, followed by a short study break before what the Forum mail called the Final Assault (as they called it in the mail sent to us 🙂 )

The Level 2 began in March – integrated with Current Affairs and CSAT classes. Simulators were held every Sunday, and the rank lists helped us push our limits. The tests ended about a month before the prelims, while the Pyq classes and Map modules continued.

And then came the exam day.

You see, we were all scared. Not just because of the prelims – which each one of had never cleared before ( barring one girl ), but because those of us doing well also did not know if any of us were ever meant to clear Prelims.

Finally, when I wrote my fifth Prelims, for the first time, I felt calm during the paper –  thanks to the numerous simulations and the disciplined ecosystem at FRC.

And exactly in July 1, 2024 when the results came, I saw my name in qualified for Mains list. For the first time. 5 attempts. And 7 years. And I had nothing, but gratitude for every person, institution, mentor and teacher, friend and classmate at FRC, without which it would have always remained a dream. Unfulfilled.

–Devika S

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Devika is a student of ForumIAS Residential Academy ( FRC) for both Prelims & Mains. She cleared Prelims, Mains and Interview in her fifth attempt, and has secured Rank 94 in the Civil Services Reserve List and is likley to join the Allied Services under the Govt of India. If you know someone who has trouble clearing the prelims, you may recommend them to FRC for Prelims by writing to contact at the rate forumias dot com or clicking here

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[&] The accusation wasn’t really true. I knew every single person from that group – Rank 1,2,3,4,5 & 10 before they even got an Interview call. I know them, except Mayur & Garima from their days of Prelims failure.

[!!] The phrase NOT EVEN CLEARED PRELIMS is the most commonly heard derogatory phrase in CS preparation. It has the same effect on one’s psyche, as getting less than 150 marks in personality test of UPSC.

[#] The easier path always is to focus on interview appeared students, and shine in reflected glory of their efforts. But what good is an academy, if it cannot build officers from scratch?

[3] Give one’s life means making supreme sacrifices for the pursuit of a goal. It does not mean really giving one’s life – like getting killed or something. Candidates below 18 are advised to not read this post.